Dear Diary Vol. III

Another trip down Amnesia Lane. The year was 1985 and the hairdos were large...

February 19: "Went to see Hall & Oates with Becky. General Public opened the show and was the best. Also pierced my ears twice with ice and needle. Hurt like hell. Will cut my frizzy hair next week and then maybe Cathy will stop calling me Afroqueen."

March 9: "Went over to Cathy's and TP'd this guy's house. I guess we hate him. Cathy found out I haven't gotten my period yet. She may not let this one go. Hope I don't hear about it at school. Becky wants me to try out for Flag Corps. Not really for me. But her fat friend Lori is going to try out and I hate her so I might, too."

March 18: "Cathy called me 'Bloodless' in front of everyone. Michele is snoring at night just to bug me. Apparently, according to Ryan, I have no butt and that is a big problem. No chest. No butt. What was God thinking when he made me? High school is hell without a bod. Becky doesn't understand and neither does Cathy. I need some ugly friends. Tried to drive today and said 'F*ck' in front of mom. Grounded."

April 1: "Got grounded for gayest reason ever. Told a grosser than gross joke at the dinner table. Told Michael that he should slide down naked off a razor blade into a pool of alcohol. Mom said I'm no lady and to go into my room and laugh at myself in the mirror if I'm so funny. So I did. I am funny even though she thinks I'm disgraceful. Cathy thought I was pulling an April Fool's Joke on her but I'm really grounded. Life sucks."

April 10: "Put a dissected frog in my World History teacher's bag yesterday. Too funny. Cathy and I spread him out so he looked really gross. Ms. Orr almost had a heart attack. Laughed all day. Today went canoing (sic) with Jim, Kelly, and Stewart. Mom thinks it's improper to spend time with boys and no girls. Girls are a pain in the ass. Not Becky or Cathy, though. Except sometimes."

April 15: "Becky and I met Paul and Larry at Mission Bell. They pretended they were from another country. Made out with Paul for a whole hour! Mom is going on strike and no more dinners. Ha Ha. She is funny."

April 21: "Thespian competition at FSU. Partying all night. Watching Mtv. Paul never called me. Oh well. He sweats too much anyway and everyone calls him a dick and gay. My first one-night stand. Now I know what Duran Duran was singing about. Sigh. FSU is great."

May 4: "Skipped school today. Cathy went back because she was scared and I hung out with the seniors. We watched Grease. Cool or what. "

May 7: "Cathy's mad at me and tried to hurl a book at me. She missed and hit the locker. The whole school is scared when we're fighting. Too funny. I just wrote some mean stuff about her in the newspaper. She will be pissed. I still like her a little though. Got into Thespians. Trying out for Flag Corps. Sorta embarrassed. Cathy laughed at me. I would too."

May 19: "Didn't make Flag Corps, but fat Lori did. Life isn't fair."

June 10: "Hanging out in Chicago babysitting my cousins. It's okay but I miss Mom and Michele and even Michael. Missing Becky and Cathy and driving around Mission Bell. Here I am staying up late to watch the Gong Show with two kids. But it's nice. Aunt Mimi is fun and she likes to do fun things. So it's cool. I want a romance!"

June 29: "Cousins are immature. They keep making fun of my hair and calling it nappy. Then Debbie found my savage underwear and got everyone to call me 'mature nappy savage'. My family is so weird. I want to go home."

July 15: "Chicago is good for me. I actually think I'm getting prettier. Finally got my period. Called Cathy and told her. She's happy for me."

July 16: "Don't know why I wanted this for so long. Gross, gross, gross."

August 17: "Home at last. Went out with Becky and got buzzed for the first time off rum. Love Wham! and picked up boys and brought them back to fat Lori's house. Her dad has pornos. The boys just talked about boobs and I went swimming by myself. Weird huh?"

August 26: "First day as a junior and they gave me French 2 and Jazz Band. Do they even know me at this school? Becky and I are going to backpack across Europe after we graduate and screw a different guy in every country. Doesn't that sound like fun? We're really going to do it. A boy barked at me in the hallway. Cathy says it's my own fault for not wearing makeup. Need a cigarette."

October 5: "Played Abigail in The Crucible. Shaved my head and then pretended I went to a party and friends did it cause kind of embarrassed. It's short! I'm practically bald but it's kind of punk. Angela in French is bi-sexual. She had to explain cause I've never heard that before and couldn't ask MOM. Angela also told me what a dildo is - I thought it was something you smoke pot out of but that's something called a bong. Learning a lot this year."