Dear Diary Vol. V
The year was 1987 and my mood was as large as my hair. I should have known not to expect much from a time that gave birth to Lisa Lisa and "The Secret of my Success". This one's for you, mom...
January 6: "Becky and I are going to join the army under the buddy system. Maybe boot camp in Hawaii. Can't believe Cathy smokes now after lecturing me that it's uncool."
January 30: "Have to carry around an egg and pretend it's a child. Named mine YOLKO ONO. Get it? Michele told me she didn't like the way I walk. It embarrasses her. She's a sophomore in FLAG CORPS. Don't tell me about embarrassing."
February 3: "I like Brad. He has long hair. Boys with long hair are cuter than ones with short hair. Mom is not thrilled."
February 5: "Got kicked out of Thespians for being too mouthy and argumentative. They suck anyway."
February 13: "Brad came over and watched a movie and snuggled. He kissed me goodbye. Then it took him five whole minutes to get his car to start. It smelled up the driveway. NOT ROMANTIC. Have to go to Night School since I 'insist on not living up to my potential' according to Guidance Counselors AKA Gods of Chamberlain High School. Cathy and I got thrown out for talking so we went to Harbor Island because she likes the fudge guy. Got a job at Showtime Video. Watch Talking Heads video every night. I love it!"
February 27: "Cathy has the greatest friends even if they scare Becky. They drive me to school every morning now. Finally no more bus. A few of them are in a band called Saber and the coolest one likes Cathy. His name is Steve and he is so nice to me. He likes it when I hang around and he even taught me how to play drums. A little. EVERYONE SMOKES POT. It's utterly fantastic."
March 3: "Took the ASVAB with Becky. Did all right. Skipped school again and went to Harbor Island with Cathy and the gang. Met English sailors and snuck aboard their ship and tried a drink that mixes beer and lemonade. Had a blast. Becky's wrong about them. They're not so scary!"
March 31: "Threw up from too much beer last night after a Saber show. First time for everything. Suffering through one whole week of ISS and will have another week to go. FOR TARDIES! Wish I could get in trouble for something decent. Like Ana. She flashed someone. Changed my mind about the army. Can't take an oath to follow Reagan. He sucks! Becky's a little pissed off."
May 16: "I turned in a paper that was hysterical and my teacher gave it to the school shrink because he thought I was secretly crying out for help. Nobody gets me. Prom Night. What did I miss? Becky lost Best Looking and her date won Cutest Couple with someone else and then cheated on her later that night. Cathy's date was like three hours late and ended up with his nose in cocaine all night. Julie got arrested and Sharon lost Most Talented. Maybe repelling guys isn't so bad."
May 28: "I'm out on my own and into an apartment with Cathy and two other people. We painted our bedroom pink and black. Threw a hell of a party and passed out. Ana took a baseball bat to some guys who were trying to take advantage of me. Scary friends come in handy every now and then."
June 2: "Big problem. Blew off school for the last month and now I'm not quite going to graduate. Pretending my ankle is broken because relatives are coming into town starting tomorrow and can't possibly walk across the stage and GET NOTHING. I AM SCREWED! Gotta produce a diploma or shit will hit the fan. Maybe Steve knows someone? I'll ask Cathy. THE WORST!! Oh, we all got kicked out of the apartment because our parties are too loud. Moving in with Becky!"
June 8: "Met Dennis, Becky's new boyfriend. Not her type. Really cool and taught me how to funnel beers. Mom found out I am a big liar about graduation. So ashamed. Will never lie again."
July 3: "Best friends should never live together. Called Becky a dumb blonde and moody and she thinks I'm mean and rotten. Moving back home. Got a job at Little Caesars Pizza and can hardly get all my HAIR into the hat. This summer sucks so far."
July 19: "Dennis called me because he misses me. Becky didn't want him to call me but he did and they broke up. Isn't that cool? "
August 1: "Dennis likes me. Liked him until he took me out to play put-put golf and I had to pay. What is it with boys and their asshole ways?"
August 26: "Cathy has her own apartment. She threw a party where we played the OUJA board and she asked LOUDLY if I'd remain a virgin forever and pushed it toward "YES". Everyone laughed but then JEFF LOUTY told me he thought virginity was cool. Sweet! Cathy has loved Jeff all year and they are finally together so I won't flirt back. I promise."
September 2: "Jeff and I got together and Cathy hates me. REALLY hates me. She'll never talk to me again. But finally a really nice, cute guy chose me. But not friends with Cathy or Becky now. Something good happens and bad stuff has to come along with it."
September 10: "Jeff is just great. He gave Michael his AC/DC records and Michele even thinks he's cute. He looks like Dweezil Zappa! Mom isn't impressed because he said, 'My mom's divorced and she likes the beach, too.' Mom rolled her eyes. Who cares if he's not a genius?"
September 21: "Jeff says he's 'frustrated' because we have an 'innocent' relationship. I guess all that 'virginity is cool' stuff was LIES LIES LIES. We went to third base and if that's what it's all about, forget it. He can go find someone else. All that talk about love and trust and that he won't hurt me but it's all the same shit from guys. Do they all read from the same book of lines? If one more tells me it won't hurt and that I'm driving him crazy and that I can trust him I WILL SCREAM! Not worth losing Cathy over - that's for sure."
October 23: "Jeff told me he loved me. BIG LIE. Still trying to be my first. Plays that Billy Joel song about Virginia into the phone every night but pretends it's not him. I like him but no way. His old girlfriends are DUMB. I won't be the next. Waiting for someone special."
November 2: "Jeff and I together two months. Wish I didn't like him so much. Know he's sleeping with Della the Dumb Ex-Girlfriend. But at least he's not pressuring me anymore. Decided I should get my diploma so I started night school."
November 10: "Turned 18 and registered to vote. Jeff doesn't even know what it means to be a Democrat. I don't think it's TLA* with him. Even though he told me he loved me twice. He also told me I frustrate him YOU KNOW WHERE."
December 31: "Worst New Years ever! Jeff said I think I'm smarter than everyone else in the room - NO MATTER WHAT ROOM I'M IN. Jeff said I think I'm better than him. I ignored him until he said, 'There's one thing you don't know EVERYTHING about: SEX!' I could have died. Chris told him to shut up but he kept yelling about how I'm not so superior. Whatever. I threw a drink at him and said I missed Cathy and he wasn't worth ending a friendship over. It's done. What a year. I hope 1988 is better. I graduated from high school and am going to college and won't ever date anyone again. MEN SUCK!"
*True Love Always
posted by kate @ 6:46 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
God Damn! I forgot how hot Ana was. "smack it up, flip it, rub it down, OH NO!"
This posting was much better.
I'm calling DCF ASAP, MFer
I may not have been faithful in writing down my thoughts every day but while you take inventory of the bones in your closet, I may as well count mine while the door is open. . .
By the time we began to hang out again, I had miserably lost my "best friend" status with you and was replaced by Solomon. That in itself pissed me off because Beck was FINALLY gone and Julie didn't understand you the way I did. No more Becky this and Becky that. Funny thing, I actually adored Becky. BUT I BLEW IT. Replaced by Julie for no other reason than my stupid, f*cking pride and Jeff, who lied to both of us. Lord, I was a misdirected kid. That killed my ego more than Louty. Although silly in retrospect, "Louty" was (and still is) one of the most vivid memories in my past. My life changed a lot after that - a change that I wish I had embraced with my eyes wide open and sober.
You were into your USF friends and I was into my head-banging group of burn-outs who did nothing more than educate me on how to make a bong out of a 2-liter coke bottle, take my virginity and steal the little money I had out of my purse. Was told later by these so-called friends that they endured me only because I kept bringing Ana Perez around. They may have been bad influences, addicts, egotists, and every mother's nightmare but they paid attention to me for a brief period and that's all I cared about. Then the crescendo. . .
You found your chi. You graduated with your degree, found your soul mate and had somehow managed to organize the mess in your head into a positive path which it seems you're still walking. That, my friend, is what turned you into a woman. NOT the late arrival of your menstrual cycle in PA.
I, on the other hand, had sunk even lower. If not on the surface or my sleeve, in my head and in my heart. Even IF in some utopian world, we were as close as we were in school, I knew it changed and I couldn't go back. Did I honestly think I could discuss poignant events in history with you? Or talk about what we had planned for our futures? What we were going to name our kids? Hell, I didn't even have a stable place to live. Kinda hard to map out your future when you're living it day-to-day. To be so very proud of someone you love but to be envious at the same time is . . . well, hard.
Followed by another 5 years of unhealthy relationships and mental beatings by the Puerto Rican Invasion, only then did I understand. It was time. Time to burn my flimsy bridges and focus on me. It took 3 years (1997-2000) to f*ck everyone else and focus. I had one friend and me. It was the best 3 years of my entire life.
By the grace of God, I got through most of it. I still have some baggage but hopefully the airline will lose the rest of it. The strength of a kind, decent and humble man saved me. It saves everyone who is fortunate enough to find it. It saved me from destroying myself and allowed me the only thing I ever needed or wanted. A real home.
I'm putting the bones back in and shutting the door now, Kate. Watch your fingers.
So much of that breaks my heart. I think you are amazing and whatever took you away, for what it’s worth, I’m glad you are doing well. I love you more than you know and have always wanted nothing less than the best for you. You deserve it.
No matter what we've been through, what we're experiencing now and whatever the future holds for all of us, there is a reason that you and I met. I cherish those memories good and bad. They've made us the women we are today and without a doubt, the women we hoped we would become in 1985. Your mother took a broken, impoverished family and instead of feeling sorry for herself (like mine did) worked her ass off and turned it into solid, faithful loving family - even stronger than when it was intact. I felt more at home at your teeny-tiny house than in my own. Noreen is a spectacular woman. She did what she set out to do. Turned 3 kids into fine adults on a buck-fifty.
By the way, when did Michele turn into a hottie? Holy shit. Even heterosexual women were like, "Damn!" when I showed the pics from Michael's wedding. I miss picking on her. That was fun.
Cat: You felt at home in my home because you were welcome there and in my heart. I saw someone special when I heard you talk and laugh and I am so happy that now, you do, too. Thank you for the kind words. You made my day. God bless you. Love, the Mom
Not exactly how I remember it...
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