Thursday, June 02, 2005

Dear Diary Vol. VI

I was diary-free during 1988 (the year I bleached my hair, met Future Husband and started college), but jotting in journals made a big comeback in 1989. Let’s go back to days spent with the B-52s and Ecstasy-fueled friends.

January 1st: “My New Years’ Resolutions are: 1. No more name calling and 2. No more illegal yet organic activity. Marc and I are only friends now so I’ve been seeing Brian for about a month. Julie and I are taking a break from politics even though Jim won; Dukakis lost and I’m still heartbroken about it. What is wrong with this country?”

March 2nd: “Marc told me he loved me today. I didn’t say anything back because I don’t believe in love. Wonder if he just wants to get laid. Brian and I broke up. He took me to the fair. YUCK. I like Chris. He hardly talks but is a great kisser! I thought college guys were supposed to be more mature, but they’re really not. NOT AT ALL.”

April 4th: “Cathy called me. I flipped out BIG TIME! We talked for about an hour and neither of us mentioned Louty. I think we’re gonna let that lie. Julie and I boycott companies doing business in South Africa. We go to keg parties and get signatures. It’s a way to meet guys. This one creep called me ‘flat ass’ and Julie said it’s better than ‘fat ass’. I guess she’s right.”

April 7th: “Mom met someone named Ron and he seems nice. Can men be trusted? That is the ultimate question. Meanwhile, Marc and I are no longer friends. He told me he couldn’t ‘handle it’. Mom said she doesn’t blame him and Michael said to stay away from Michele’s friends. Michele agrees. Nice family, huh?”

May 5th: “Went to a party and got totally toasted. Chris found an ugly girlfriend. The only thing he wants from her is SEX. What a jerk! He kept looking at me but I ignored him. My car didn’t start after school so I had a brainsnap and blamed Marc. Sharon called Ben who called Marc and asked him if he messed with my car. Marc told Ben to tell Sharon to tell me to “get over” him. Get over him?!”

June 5th: “Keep thinking about Marc. Get over him…who does he think he is?”

July 1st: “Saw Marc at Tampa Bay Center, but pretended not to see him.”

July 2nd: “Saw Marc AGAIN at University Square Mall. Is this a sign? He tried to smile, but I looked away. My heart was beating SO FAST!”

July 22nd: “Mom met Chris and thinks he’s anemic. She’s just not in tune with my type. She thinks MARC was a nice guy. What does she know?”

August 19th: “Michele moved to St. Petersburg today. I have my own room for the first time EVER. Mailed Marc a card telling him I miss him, but didn’t sign it.”

August 25th: “Marc called me. He said, ‘Did you send me a card?’ I told him yes and that I missed him. He didn’t say he missed me. But maybe he does.”

September 13th: “Spending every night at Julie’s because her parents are out of town. Met her friends from camp. Mike is a really nice guy even though he makes fun of me for exercising and studying so much. Marcia is a hippie obsessed with Jim Morrison and her friend Elise is very sweet. Oh, I quit smoking. Just like that. Get this: Marc is dating Babette the Dingbat. Why is every guy I know after ONE thing? I don’t get it. Dry sex* is the wave of the future. Mark my word. No mess, no problems. Chris says it leaves him unsatisfied. Too bad for him. The feeling is great and I like not waking up the next morning with an STD. Win/Win for me.”

October 3rd: “Marc and I are becoming better friends. We said we’d always have a crush on each other. Chris taught me how to do shots over the weekend. I like tequila – but not too much because I start throwing shot glasses at people! I’m boycotting tuna fish because they are catching dolphins and killing them for no reason.”

October 25th: “Marc and I had our first date one year ago. He feels guilty talking to me because he’s still with Babette the Dingbat. Then had a Halloween party and Marc and I got together. Chris came looking for me, not happy that I was off with Marc. Oh well. Now Marc feels really guilty. I told him to get over it.”

November 5th: “Saw Smokey Robinson with Mom and Ron. I was the youngest, whitest person there and knew all the songs. Ron’s a nice guy. Chris called me and wants to start over. Nice, huh? Met a guy named Todd who’s kinda cute. We’ll see.”

December 2nd: “Cathy, Julie and I went to Gainesville and FSU kicked their ass in football. We saw this old woman in Gator gear and Julie said she’d give her a quarter for the whole outfit. The woman shook my little Justy and cursed at us. Kept yelling, ‘How ‘bout them Noles?’ We were not too popular. Drove home and Julie kept the windows open. Thought Cathy was going to kill her.”

December 11th: “Met Marc in a parking lot only to hear about Babette, Babette, Babette. Left and cried all the way to Volley Club. Cathy said to forget him because why cry over one guy when there are so many to choose from? Hooked up with Todd and going out with Chris next weekend. Cathy’s right.”

December 16th: “Got stranded at a party and had to call Marc. His sister DONNA wouldn’t wake him up – it was like 5am or something so Julie got on the phone. Julie could talk anyone into anything. Marc came and got us. He’s a nice guy, I guess, even if he’s still with Babette.”

December 17th: “Called Marc and his mean sister said, ‘He’s out with his GIRLFRIEND.’ Then she hung up. Guess that family will hate me until I die."

*Webster's defines "Dry sex" thusly: Humpin' and bumpin' while completely clothed as popularized by a South Florida virgin in the late eighties/early nineties. Did not catch on. As my brother would say, "Why, in the name of all that is good and holy, are you discussing this?"

3 Comments:

At 6/03/2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lemme get this straight - you hook'd it up with a drummer, a guitarist and Rod Stewart and still came back to Marc "Johnny Blender" Robinson? STUD. I've said it before and I'll say it again. M Rob, when you get tired of this whole family thing, I've got a spare bedroom waiting for you: mine.

 
At 6/04/2005, Blogger MitchRobinsonAces said...

Why do I have to read this crap every week? It's like--WOW! LOOK AT MY LIFE, ISN'T IT SOMETHING.

And I never met Babette. Sounds nice. Does Marc still have her phone number?

Is it just one of my siblings who treats you badly? You should thank God until the day you die that I am not like the rest of my family. (They should also thank God, but for different reasons)

In the meantime, could you clean up your language and stop writing that soft porn shit. My grandchildren might come across this someday, and it's not a pretty sight

 
At 6/06/2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, grumpy old man, I'm back. First of all, your addiction to soft porn is a notsowell-kept family secret. So don't bullshit us. Secondly, there are worse things for my children to read than stories about how, even in the face of some intense *pressure* (pun-intended), I refused to give it up until their daddy swept me off my feet.

See you in about two weeks. CANNOT WAIT.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home