The Tao of Me

Traveling is transcendental.

Old timers say modern travelers never had it so good. DVD players, air conditioning, graveled roads and Xanax all make the road a happier place. Mention you're flying 'cross country with spouse and kids? Often the response is: "Must be nice. In my day..." Blah, blah, blah.

Modern conveniences aren't without inconveniences.

Ever lose a gameboy cartridge on a crowded airplane? They're about the size of a quarter and require contortions and doggy-style positions in order to investigate every possible hiding place. Joe Traveler is already pissed there's no meal - imagine how he reacts to your ass in his face?

On the other hand, who needs airline food when Chili's sets up shop right in the terminal? HINT: If you're looking ahead at a two hour flight to St. Louis, then another two hour flight to Phoenix, followed by a two hour drive to Prescott - do not, I repeat, do not order the black bean patty. Learn from my mistake. Six hours dealing with intestinal issues is no way to begin a vacation.

Another perk when flying certain (read: dirt cheap) airlines is lining up like cattle for seats. This forces otherwise morally superior parents to assess their own value system and, almost always, come up short. Husband and I heard an announcement: "If traveling with children four and under, you may preboard and avoid contact with people who smell like mothballs and old cheese." We turned and gave our five year-olds a talk titled When Mommy and Daddy Say It's Okay, Lying Isn't a Sin. Upside: seated first; Downside: seats located on slippery slope. Enjoy the ride, folks! Guilty conscience included.

Seriously though, we're glad to be in Arizona. Sure, AZ does its own thing regarding DST and was a holdout when honoring MLK with a holiday. Personally, I could do without all the references to Barry Goldwater. Other than that, Arizona is a grand state. Here's what I like in no particular order.

Mitch, my father-in-law, is showing us a hell of a good time. His hospitality knows no bounds and we feel comfortably at home. That is, if home boasted an impressive art collection in which every female is nude and involved in some form of fondling.

Rock formations out here are awe-inspiring. Mitch has driven us to places like Jerome - a town built on the side of a mountain. Everything is perched. Really, a tragedy waiting to happen - even when not careening around corners with a madman behind the wheel. Mark my word. Someone's gonna fall one of these days. It's just a matter of time.

Sedona is full of positive vibes. Even I went easy on everyone when passing through. Red rocks everywhere, beautiful scenery, impressive city planning. I kept closing my eyes, envisioning a happy place and soaking up the good energy. Then Mitch would swerve to miss a pedestrian and I'd chew a hole in my tongue. Good times.

We're off for more family fun and togetherness. Wish us luck.