That’s Me in the Corner

I just finished The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. (Yes, the book is so five minutes ago. At least I read it before the movie comes out.)

*Spoiler Alert*

First of all, it’s a damn fine book. A master of suspense, Brown had me racing to discover identities of mysterious characters. He’s also brilliant in his knowledge of religious issues and ancient symbols. Such hubbub about Mona Lisa and Madonna on the Rocks should cause modern artists, filmmakers, etc. to consider putting symbols in their own creations to ensure centuries of debate and discussion. It keeps art alive, that’s for sure.

Brown also recycles an age-old rumor about Jesus hooking up with Mary Magdalene and siring a child. (Anyone seen Dogma?) The theory goes that descendants of such a union live among us, protected by some secret society until the truth can be revealed to an ignorant and unsuspecting public. While reading the book, reading about reactions to the book, and discussing the book with others, I’ve come to the conclusion reactionary readers can be divided into three categories.

1. Whack Jobs. These poor slobs cling to every plot detail as if Dan Brown penned the newest addition to their Holy Bible. These people would get along with folks who believe aliens come down to probe prostates. They’d party hard with freaks who think dead people speak through television shows. Come on, you think ghosts get into “Fear Factor”? Typically such readers are middle-aged, live in their parents’ garages and have never been involved with anyone other than their fellow Klingon Enthusiasts.

2. Whack Jobs with a Superiority Complex. Holy rollers' collective panties are in a wad over this book and to them I say: calm yourselves. Dan Brown writes interesting fiction. He’s no more a part of some anti-Christian conspiracy than John Grisham is trying to rid the world of lawyers.

Such fanatics really believe there is nothing new to discover about their belief systems. Despite centuries of strife between scientists and religious “authorities” – scientists coming out ahead every time – they cling to the faith of their ancestors. They’re scared silly to learn anything new.

Now before the hate mail comes in, let me be clear. Religious extremists, despite totalitarian attitudes, are only trying to keep their respective religions relevant. Most practice their faith in a beautiful way – even if the blinders are a tad tight.

3. Skeptics. These realists don’t believe in conspiracy theories because, let’s face it, people can’t keep secrets. Period. And they sure as hell can’t keep whopper secrets for two thousand years. If descendants of Jesus truly existed, they’d have been on Larry King by now.

Does that mean this theory about Jesus and Mary is beyond the realm of possibility? Of course not and don’t underestimate the fear that thought generates within hearts of the faithful. I feel for them. Remember the good old days when Rome was always right? When the world was flat, Earth was the center of the universe and God help anyone who tried to prove otherwise? Just ask Galileo, Newton, Darwin or countless others. Look what happened as a result of free and logical thought: Denominations started sprouting up all over the place, slaves freed, women no longer burned at the stake and our world hasn’t been the same since.

I find myself on middle ground with most issues and this is no exception. What do we believe or know except what we’re taught? Until recently, Mary Magdalene was a reformed prostitute. Turns out those stories weren't true and the church stopped telling them only several years ago. Is that the only false chapter in The Greatest Story Ever Told? As a convert to Judaism, none of this threatens me so I don't understand the fear.

We simply don’t know everything there is to know.

Still, I have a hard time believing that a bunch of people in a secret society could keep proof of this secret to themselves. One of them would sneak the documents on Antiques Roadshow and retire a celebrated millionaire.

Or maybe they wouldn’t. What do I know anyway?