Listen to Me, Medical People

"I've been looking for some shred of evidence of our life together, and now it's become entirely clear why I've chosen to block it out!"

A woman was struck by a car in Tampa and arrived at St. Joseph’s Hospital with amnesia. She’s in good condition as authorities reach out to the community for possible friends she may have been visiting. They're hoping someone comes forward to shed a light on her identity. While I pray she recovers quickly, a part of me is jealous beyond belief.

After mediating arguments between children and Co. over Horton the Elephant's moral obligations, nothing sounds better than wandering into a random town, acting confused, and hanging out 'til spring. (Obviously while avoiding automobiles.)

Here’s a tip for authorities – check out neighboring towns. If kids are found in mismatched socks, eating ice cream for dinner while Dad enjoys poker and porn every night – mystery solved.

Then bring the patient a Stoli and let her rest. She probably deserves it.