Potty Talk

When I gave birth to twin sons, people thought my ideas were a little whack.

“Everything in the house is organic and our grocery bill has officially surpassed the mortgage payment.”

“You’re going to breast feed two of them at the same time?”

“My grandson will never know the pleasure of milk-fed veal?”

“In some circles, it’s considered child abuse never to take your kid to a rodeo, circus or NASCAR event.”

Turns out, there are even wackier ideas out there. For example, a growing number of parents are forgoing diapers altogether in favor of Communication Elimination.

This anti-nappie philosophy breaks down just so: Watch your babies closely and when they look ready to blow, stick them on a potty. Some mommies even encourage waste disposal in a group setting. Doesn’t matter where kiddies go as long as it’s not in a diaper. God forbid. Whisper "sssss" into their ears while they sit on a mini-toilet wondering why Mommy is invading their personal space. Can't wait to hear about therapy sessions resulting from this bright idea.

New parents already have no life. Now they need to differentiate between smiles and gas pains before rushing newborns off to eliminate every twenty minutes. That leaves zero time for Oprah. Do parents really need another issue to stress about? Do children need to grow up thinking a bowel movement in the sink is acceptable? Do I really share voting habits with these people?

Maybe I'm officially old-fashioned, but I believe a parent can utilize Pampers, or cloth contraptions to help the environment, and when the kid communicates, change the diaper. No pressure. No guilt. No weird clubs and no reason to believe raisins will cause embarrassing moments in the mall. Save potty teaching for when they master the art of keeping saliva in their mouths.

Just a thought.