And My Zodiac Sign is Scorpio

This Sunday, The St. Petersburg Times will print one of my essays on the front page of the Floridian section. Hopefully they won't change their minds and stick it back in classifieds where Aunt Martha is selling her cabbage plate to the highest bidder.

When these yahoos happen, oftentimes the editor asks me to submit a sentence about myself. I like to be succinct, but just one sentence? What should I highlight in less than a dozen words: favorite smells, silly quirks or interesting quotes from my high school yearbook? Perhaps I should focus on a unique ability to drink grown men under the table. What about my flexibility in both a physical sense and when evaluating others’ moral values?

Think about how you’d sum up yourself in one sentence. What would you say and what would you leave out? These were my choices:

Catherine Durkin Robinson

--Talks a good game but cried like a schoolgirl watching The Family Stone.

--Enjoys moonlit walks, fast-paced arguments, physical confrontations – and those are her good qualities.

--Talked like a grown-up until Elmo and Friends sucked out her brain.

--Spends random evenings drooling over Mandy Patinkin in Yentl while wearing a mud mask and flossing her teeth.

--To know her is to love her – more than if you just saw her on the street – then not so much.

--Is a Jewish mother, wife, friend, teacher, political activist, writer, of Irish descent and all-around pain in the ass.

--Can’t iron or cook worth a damn.

--Loves her some Beastie Boys.

I could go on and on. Literally. The sentence I ultimately submitted isn't crass or alienating. My writing alone accomplishes that so I tried to describe myself in a semi-normal way.

Look for it Sunday and try not to laugh. I dare ya.