Dr. 33607
I had my long-awaited consultation with Tampa's Master of Plastic Surgeons yesterday. Good news: He's seen worse. Bad news: $20K to make it right.
Fun conversation.
Me: I know it's a lot of money, but...
Husband: You're perfect just the way you are.
(Translation: Good God, woman. We have college tuition and two bar mitzvahs to think about.)
Me: This isn't vanity. Not completely. I'm not going to leave the hospital looking like Pamela Anderson. I just want my old body back.
(Silence)
Me: I don't ask for much.
Husband: (Chokes on water and tries not to laugh.)
Me: I really don't. After all, I carried our children and now it's only fair that I should be able to...
Husband: Oh, the trump card. What happened to that earthy hippie who rejected convention and hardly wore makeup? You used to say you'd never even color your hair.
Me: What the hell did I know? Remember - I wore patchouli oil and paid someone to ink my belly. Who does that? By the way, tummy tuck's going to remove those tattoos.
Husband: Your mom might pay for this whole thing based on that information alone.
Me: We'll save and I'll come home for the procedure next summer.
Husband: Great. Grilled cheese sandwiches for a year.
Me: But I'll look good in a bathing suit.
Husband: That'll matter in Colorado.
Maybe I should tally up the totals for the next twelve months - write a monthly progress report. Honestly, I can hardly wait. I'd walk the streets at night to get this done.
And I'm doing much better than I thought after a 45-minute grope session under fluorescent lighting. On my way into his office, Becky called and said, "You're going to get naked in front of someone?" I said, "Yes and I haven't even had a drink first!"
Gotta love a man who can handle the girls and kibbitz about Pesach all at the same time. That's a professional and my kind of doctor.
395 days to go...
posted by kate @ 6:07 AM
5 comments
5 Comments:
I'd say the whole situation practically begs to be blogged - the progress report sounds great.
And just think of how successful your street-walking will be!
Though considering all that leering you get from certain right-wing bloggers, you must be doing something right for them to overlook your pinko commie ways.
What made you pick Dr. Berger?
Duuuude. You mean the mere mention of my name wasn't worth ten grand off the price? Damn, banana. If it's 20k there can you IMAGINE what it'll cost up in Boston? Maybe you'll find something more reasonable in Colorado. When's the move, by the way? Am I gonna get a beer with ya before you go? Oh, I still don't drink beer. But I'll have an Amarretto Sour. Still like those
I picked Dr. Berger because he came highly recommended. And I've seen the pictures. He is the best. Without a doubt.
And he didn't make me feel diiiirrrrtttyyy. ;-)
No discount for Sharon's childhood friends. So sad. I will be saving up and seeing him next June. Believe it.
I think we're leaving for The Springs at the end of June, beginning of July. You in town?
yes in tampa
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