Getting to Know You, Getting to Know All About You

Sometimes when friends share a cozy, fifteen thousand square foot house, crazy sh*t happens.

Back Story: Husband is in Colorado Springs running the business-end of a company owned by my best friend's husband. Got that? He also lives in their basement, but this "basement" is the size of three small homes, so don't feel sorry for him.

One weekend while Becky (the aforementioned best friend - pay attention) and Her Man were out of town skiing, sipping wine, and laughing at the unfortunate, Husband toured some homes for sale. I mentioned it might be nice if he took digital pictures of houses he liked so I could see them, too. Ahh, modern technology. Since I have our digital camera...

"Do you know where the Camera Closet is?" I asked. "It's somewhere in the South Wing. Just grab one and send some pics to me tonight. So exciting!"

He called a few hours later.

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Not really," I said. "Talk to me."

"I grabbed a camera like you suggested, but the disc was full. So I downloaded everything into a folder on their computer. I figured it was pictures of Africa. I took a look, expecting to see an elephant or something. Well, it was so not an elephant. Jeez, Kate, the pictures...the horror...All of a sudden, I'm nine and busted for looking at my older brother's Playboy magazines."

"Okay," I said after spitting water and laughing so hard my hernia grew, "just put the camera back."

"You know what I found?"

"Beck and I have been friends for over twenty-three years. Yeah. I know what you found."

"This is so embarrassing," he said.

"For who? Becky's beautiful; she won't care. At least it's you - a person she's known almost two decades. Could be worse. Just put the camera back in the closet."

"I can't. The disc is empty and all the pictures are in their computer."

"Wow, then you'll have to tell her. Look at the upside. I'll be able to tease you all about this for the rest of our lives."

"Great. I didn't look at the pictures once I realized what the hell I was looking at. I just hope she believes me."

A few days later, Husband told Becky and Her Man the whole uncomfortable story and they had a good laugh over it. I am thrilled to tell the rest of the planet. Without exception, everyone who knows him believes my husband did, in fact, refrain from looking through the pics. What does that tell you about the man I married? I know. So disappointing.

"If ever there was a guy who wouldn't look at them, besides my brother, it'd be you," I told him afterwards. "Come on, though, really? You didn't just take a quick peek?"

"I'm not you."

At first I was insulted.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Please, woman, you love a train wreck. You'd be front and center, eating popcorn, relishing in the awkwardness, going through each one - uploading onto your site - and saying, 'I'm so blogging this.' "

The man's gotta point.

“That's not a bad idea,” I said. “Send me one or two. I'll make sure it's tasteful, I swear, and then...Hello? Hello?!”

Dial tone. Damn.