Airing Dirty Laundry Part One

"And if my day keeps going this way, I just might break something tonight."

Last night, dinner consisted of curly fries and a milkshake. No, I'm not pregnant. I am, however, mighty upset. Several reasons. And I love that, while searching for comfort food, my normally (when she's not round with child) ninety-pound sister suggested,

"Arby's. Nothing beats their mochachino shake."

She's right. Now let's get one thing straight. I don't get angry often. Passionate about politics, maybe, but hardly ever angry on a personal level. I do get my feelings hurt - often. That's why my siblings' favorite nickname for me is "Sensitive B*tch." And yes, they say it with love. Are we clear? I'm not mad, I'm hurt. And when I hurt, I hate.

So why am I in a dither? Coupla things. Starting with Al Gore. I know we're not supposed to go after our own. But this is just the beginning folks. Wait'll I tell you about the emotionally insecure sharks infesting my waters and coming after me with nothing more than Jim Beam-breath and false friendship. Ahh...another time for that tale. For now, we'll start with Al.

One of my heroes, our former Vice-President. I admire his work on behalf of our planet and his effort to get us into a carbon-neutral lifestyle. However, how does he explain the fact that he owns three homes?

That's right. Three.

He has the cojones to lecture us on the benefits of bus-riding while enjoying three huge houses that suck up more energy than some third-world countries. Speaking of buses, he doesn't even utilize one of those big-ass luxury liners the rock stars use while on the lecture circuit. Brother travels by plane! I don't mean to suggest the man should live in poverty; however, some kind of concession is in order. If you wanna suggest that I share a bus with people Mommy said to avoid eye-contact with, at least lead by example. Live simply so that others may simply live. Is that asking too much?

Unlike neocons, I don't think this negates his overall message - which is a modern take on my favorite motto from the early 90s: reduce, reuse and recycle. I just wish Al Gore would do more to help the planet he so dearly loves. He can start by following his own advice.