Wednesday, August 09, 2006

"Once when I was your age..."

I hardly ever yell at students in the hallway. Mine is a great school where kids don't generally get into trouble between classes plus the tardy bell is usually about to ring while I've still got to haul ass to the ladies' room.

Yesterday, was the exception.

A guy was whistling at a girl ahead of him and saying, "Keep swinging that backpack, gorgeous! You look hot!"

I saw the young girl with the backpack, her own friends mortified, all of them trying to ignore him. She was clumsy with frizzy hair and braces, struggling to concentrate on finding her room. The guy kept heckling her so I rounded the corner and cut him off.

"Leave her alone," I told him. "Keep your mouth shut and get to class."

"Oh, I..." he stammered. "I wasn't talking..."

"Yes, ma'am!" I cut him off.

"Yes...yes ma'am," he said.

As he walked away, I wanted to find the young girl and say,

"In a few years, that hair is going to relax with the right product. Your braces will be history and you'll enjoy an outstanding rack. Then you'll run into that *sshole at a club. You'll be in college and he'll be selling weed to your friends. He'll hit on you. You'll enjoy getting him out on the dance floor only to leave him in the middle of the crowd, humiliated with a hell of an erection. Better yet? You'll run into him years later on your wedding day. He'll be parking cars, struggling with alimony and trying to get through a twelve-step program. You won't ever forget him. And it'll feel great."

Guaranteed.

1 Comments:

At 8/09/2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please forgive me and Woody

 

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