"Elvis Shaved His Head When He Went to the Army"

This is an email I sent out to friends and family. I thought I'd share it with everyone out there to whom it applies:

To the special men and women in my life who have served our country - thank you.
Veteran's Day is an excellent opportunity to reach out and praise those who have
protected and defended my right to shit all over the President of the United
States.

This is also an excellent opportunity to shame those of you who
forgot to wish me a happy birthday yesterday.

No. Seriously. Thank *you*.