Put a Quarter in Your *ss Cause You Played Yourself

Listen up, folks, cause I'm about to break some rather important news, a scandal really, the likes of which haven't been seen since...well...last week within the Bush administration.

A group of grown men are cheating in Fantasy Football.

I know. Shocking. Seems Husband, who's a lot like me except normally kind and considerate, belongs to a league with grown men who find it necessary to sit their starters.

You heard me. Sit. Their. Starters.

WHAT THE F*CK HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?

Husband tried to talk some sense into them:

Come on guys...let's man up and adhere to the "gentleman's" agreement that we won't give up and sit our starters. Just because your season's over doesn't mean everyone's is. Don't take your nerf balls and go home quite yet fellas. Season is not over...

Someone with a guilty conscience offered this rebuttal:

Vagina Whining Pointless - Maybe the reason you're not winning is because you don't know who to start. Either way, your whining amounts to no difference. Keep pissing us off, and we WILL rest LT for the playoffs......after all, wouldn't want him not to have fresh legs, would we?

Vagina Whining? Okay, b*tch. It's on. Someone on the side of Truth, Justice, and the National Football League issued a response:

When you've won a fantasy title, we'll allow you to squawk SweetPea. But just a little bit. Until then, man-up, play your starters and finish washing up our jock straps.

Cheater pants came back with -

Congratulations, you win an all expenses paid trip to the luxurious Isle of Lesbos where you can continue your transformation into the woman you have always truly wanted to be (and are becoming). Come, come now silly she-male. I admit I tried to trade away my team but that was purely for the sheer pleasure in aggravating the snot out of the other whiners in the league, knowing that it would be voted down. (It was a rather BLATANT discrepancy, no?) By the way, I didn't think that voicing an objection about a problem with the system automatically made me eligible for dismissal from the league - are you a Communist as well? Buck up, shut up and play your game, dude.

Yes, this blatant misogyny is so hot. And nobody calls my husband a communist. Only I deserve that worn-out and overused comparison.

This is where sh*t hits the fan. Husband drinks too much coffee and lets 'er rip:

Hi, my name is **don't wanna get sued*** and I use cute words. I fully admit that I'm an Assbag and just recently realized that Taco Bell wasn't the Mexican Phone System. Now that I've been caught trying to trade all my players and sit my starters, I'm going to laugh it off as joke and act like I know what the hell I'm talking about. Because it's believable that Steve Smith has been on a cold streak as he put up 24 and 17 points in the last two weeks, while staying as the 5th ranked receiver in the league...WHILE MISSING THE FIRST TWO WEEKS OF THE SEASON... Tell us another lie, assbag.

Okay, I don't know what half this means, but clearly I need to get to Colorado and administer sexual healing. This exchange makes Charlie Crist's guys and I look like *lovers*. Ummm. Yeah. That's my analogy and I'm sticking to it.

Then another manly man gets in on the action and threatens my babies' daddy with grave physical harm.

How about i just kick your ass and stop the crying posts. I don't even know who the f you are, but you're a flipping infant. Shut your mouth.

I know. They sound like the pro-life Christians who send me hate email. Some more love:

We'll take our $300, your $300 Mrs. Robinson, and everybody elses, too. Then we'll leave the league and take the non-vaginas with us. You F'd with us without provocation and you paid for it, "Swee-pea". Next time keep the pie hole closed. I want to know where you live in CO b/c I'll be there in two weeks and want to see you ;).

Oh, it just goes on and on, but you get the point. Nothing like men in tights fighting over pigskin to bring out the love of the game.

And I thought politics was rough.