Riddle Me This, My Brother

I had this conversation with Bro Mein last night:

Me: (answering the phone) Brother.

Him: Husband is in Colorado. Kids are with Grandpa. And you're at home? What the f*ck, Kate. Spitfire Grill on cable?

Me: I'm going out.

Him: Yeah. To Blockbuster. So, our sister still pregnant?

Me: Due any second. I have some news.

Him: Hit me.

Me: A family from Great Britain wants to rent our house for a year.

Him: Yeah?

Me: Yeah, well, we'll see what happens. They say they want the house by the end of
December, but they gotta check out, cough up the dough. They might even want to
up the rent if we leave everything here.

Him: You willing to part with your sh*t for a whole year? What about that f*cked up chair and your Bon Jovi collection?

Me: They're not getting my toys. Otherwise I'm fine with at least six months of not having to pay storage.

Him: And what happens to you?

Me: I'll stay here.

Him: Yeah. Where's here?

Me: Tampa. I gave my word at work to stay until June.

Him: I'll ask again, where's here?

Me: Well, husband wants me and the boys to move in with mom and dad. Bank some money.

Him: Yeah he does.

Me: I can't live with dad.

Him: Yeah you can.

Me: No really. Much love for the man, but I can't live with dad for a week much less six months.

Him: Enough Xanax and you can live with anyone.

Me: It's beyond the realm of possibility.

Him: You'd live with Charlie Crist to save a buck. Put the boys in my room. I got rid of my old Playboys.

Me: Not happening.

Him: I'm going to call in a month and say, "Is that pot roast I smell?"

Me: Funny.

Him: "I gave my word at work!"

Me: Shut up.

Him: "Is that dad snoring - across the house?"

(pause)

Him: "I gave my word!"

Me: Okay, fag. I gotta go.

Him: Have fun tonight. I'll call you tomorrow.

The fun continues...