Gonna Stun and Amaze

I have it all. Almost anyway.

Kind, healthy and happy children. A loving husband and family. Friends who get me. A rewarding career where I reach out and touch the future. Writing that kicks people in the ass and is respected by writers I respect. The balls to affect change through social action. A winning smile. Hell of a rack. And you.

What else can a girl ask for?

A tight tummy and an even better rack.

I exercise every day - hard core routines where I get all sweaty and Jennifer Beals-like. Back to my pre-pregnancy weight and, thanks to maximum-strength undergarments, I look fetching in a miniskirt. However, I carried twins and nursed them simultaneously. Therefore when I take my clothes off and strike a pose, innocent bystanders might notice blood leaking through their eyeballs and then BAM! Instant blindness.

Unlike your personality defects, my flaws are easily fixed. All I need is about twenty grand and good pain tolerance.

Check and check.

Dr. Berger is scheduled to work his magic on March 12, 2007 and we're counting it down with great fanfare, nip/tuck parties and mammograms. Stay tuned, lovers. Because you don't bounce back from this...


without surgical intervention.