Never Let You Down With the Stereo Sound

This past Saturday I was doing the usual laundry/soccer/grocery shopping bullsh*t when I said to myself, "Self - you need a break. Two or three days with no parental responsibilities. A weekend doing something other than watching Star Wars and eating take-out pizza with two seven year-olds. Recharge your batteries a bit."

Right. Never gonna happen.

Then my mom drops this one on me: "If I can find reasonable tickets," she says, "can I take the boys with us on vacation?"

Didn't even hesitate.

"Go!" I said.

So now that tickets have been purchased and I'm going to have a well-deserved break in the not-too-distant future - I'm a little freaked out. What the f*ck am I going to do with myself for an entire weekend? Some ideas:

- Write a piece for the Trib called "How Katie Got Her Groove Back But Then Scared It Away Again"

- Clean

- Watch porn on the big TV with stereo sound

- Take a poop for the first time in over five years without someone knocking on the door to say, "Mommy, I have to tell you something"

- Clean

- Play the part of a local bar fly

I've got options right?

Mark my word, I'll have spent the entire break watching Star Wars, eating take-out pizza...

And cleaning.

My friend Jeff suggested: "You could schedule an evening of seductive, panties-optional ice cream posing. Ben and Jerry's would love that."

To which I replied: "That's a great idea, except I don't know how to work the timer thing on my camera. And the only people I feel comfortable asking would be my neighbor Lou. He's been divorced for *years* and one Big Mac away from heart failure. So I wouldn't want to risk it.

There's always my friend Lynda. Some wine, tasty treats...

Come to think of it. I better stick to Star Wars."