This Time, I'm Losing My Mind
01.04.07 - worst morning ever.
Went to put on my engagement, wedding, and labor rings. Said rings weren't in my jewelry box. No biggie. Happens all the time. They're usually in my pants from the day before and easily accessible. Went into the hamper, pulled out a pair of pants and searched the pockets.
Nothing.
I sat there dumbfounded. I've had the engagement ring since 1991, wedding ring since 1995, and labor ring (one of those past, present and future numbers) since the boys were born in 2000.
"Mommy, whatcha lookin' for?" my oldest inquired.
"Rings," I said softly.
"Are they up your butt?" he asked, laughing.
I started to sob.
To clarify. I get teary-eyed from time to time. However, only two or three moments in life is it acceptable to cry the kind of cry where tears and snot run together into one's mouth.
That morning, apparently, was one of those moments.
My children rubbed my back and whispered, "I'm sorry" while I succumbed to a nervous breakdown, searching through dirty clothes and way too many panties. After about ten minutes, still nothing. So I continued crying during the entire ride to drop them off at school. I've never seen my kids so quiet.
Should cry every day, now that I think about it.
Called colleagues and asked them to look around my desk.
"There's nothing on your desk, Katie," one co-worker said. "You make Martha Stewart look unorganized."
Another said,
"They'll turn up somewhere. Maybe you put them under something."
"You've seen my house," I snapped. "There's nothing to put them under! No clutter of any kind! I'm allergic to debris! Where the f*ck are they?'
Husband had the best comment.
"Perhaps you left them on someone's nightstand."
Everyone's a comedian when I'm heartbroken and choking on my own phlegm. It occurred to me somewhere on Veteran's Expressway that I didn't check the right pants. A ray of hope that perhaps these sentimental items were not forever gone.
Got home after work and checked the pants. Rings were safely tucked inside. All was right with the world.
Then it hit me.
My six year-old actually said, "...up your butt?"
posted by kate @ 5:50 AM
6 comments
6 Comments:
Ring out the old and ring in the new.
See what this teaches us about ourselves? Too tied to the material ... Go to the woods and simplify ...
(Ha, no, I'm not serious! I routinely lose my Citadel ring and get panicky about it ... Left it in the tool drawer in the kitchen the other day ... THAT took a long time to unravel! Once lost it in the Gulf in a friend's bait well on his boat ...)
--Chase
You goof!
They were seven on Sunday!
Check the date: 01.04.07
Nice try, though. One of these days you'll get me, Susan. Just not today.
Glad you found them.
Now a question.
What the F is a labor ring?
I don't think I'm that sheltered.
According to my friend Elise, who knows more than God, when a (Jewish?) woman gives birth - the husband gives her a push present.
"Something simple" she said. "Like a Rolex."
I almost choked on my hummus.
Anyway, I have issues with expensive jewelry. Expensive anything really. Plus I think healthy babies are the best push presents. Can I get an amen?
At any rate, my man got me a nice ring when the boys were born. Since I didn't push, not even a little, we call it a labor ring. And I wear it because it reminds me of my boys. All three of them.
Okay, that's enough sentiment for what...a year? Go about your business.
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