Bio Dad Reaches Out

Little over a year ago, my biological father reached out and googled me. Been in touch ever since. Just random, slightly superficial emails.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine and dandy. You?"

That sort of thing.

Until last week.

Greetings,
It was my intention to speak to you in person at some point Katie, and ask you to try and forgive me for my most disgraceful, selfish, disrespectful and insulting display of what it means to be a man and a father. I'm not trying to become part of your family Katie, as I gave that right up long before I left. I'm not going to discuss what I've done with my life since because quite honestly that does not have anything to do with what I did to you, your Mother, Sister and Brother. Most of the lessons I've learned during my life have been learned the hard way, but that is the path the Alcoholic will always choose. This is not one of the Alcoholic Twelve Steps, nor is there any other meaning and/or message in this request. This is simply an attempt on my part to tell you how truly sorry I am for my behavior that I alone exhibited and am responsible for all those many, many years. As I stated in the beginning, I was hoping to do this in person at some point, but I don't think that will ever happen. But, being a recovering Alcoholic means I will live a lot longer then I would have If I kept drinking. God does have a wonderful and yet, sometimes, strange sense of humor. I will live everyday with the knowledge that I alone destroyed the most perfect gift I will ever receive, your Mother. From that gift came three very precious gifts, you, Sister and Brother. I am sorry Katie.
Peace and love, Dad

I know, right? Needed a drink. But felt that response just slightly irresponsible. Given the whole "history of alcoholism" thing.

Wrote this instead.

It's very nice of you to write and express yourself this way. The past has passed and no matter what has happened in my life, good or bad, all of it brought me here and made me who I am.

I've always noticed that my friends with "perfect" dads went on to make some lousy choices in men. I think I learned early on what alcohol can do and as a result, married someone who doesn't touch the stuff. Ever. So many people have said to Husband, "Oh, are you recovering?" Turns out, he just never developed a taste for it. Genetics or something. Anyway, it was part of why he appealed to me. I might not have appreciated it had I not had that lesson early on.

Sleep peacefully knowing that I can't look back and curse those things that have shaped me; I can only forgive those who feel they have wronged me and hope that those whom I have wronged extend to me that same forgiveness.

In other words: it's all good. I have nothing but kind thoughts toward you and wish for your happiness. You sound like you took a great turn and are helping others to see the light. So proud!

Please keep in touch,
Katie

No real point to this post except - if a family member reaches out, reach back.

Period.

Just be prepared for awkward exchanges and emotional re-attachments. Especially if you post the conversation on your website.