Conversation Stoppers

Ever get stuck at a party talking to someone who won't stop complaining? Won't stop defending the Bush administration? Won't stop bragging? Won't stop *talking*?

Happens to me all the time. Perhaps I should do something about my come-hither stare. Or the fact that I nod appropriately.

A lot.

When mingling around a political event or even while talking to friends/relatives, I've discovered that certain statements can quiet even the most aggressive talkers.

Gives you just enough of a pause to walk away or hang up.

Try 'em sometime:

• "Oh my. Does your vagina hurt, too?"



• "Yeah. Wow. Shitty hedgefund. I thought the people in Darfur were f*cked, but you got it way worse."



• "Yeah, Dick Cheney *is* nice to his grandchildren. And Stalin kissed babies."



• "You call that gerrymandering!?!"



• "Have I mentioned my itch?"



• "That's not a bug. That's my mezuzah."



• "I would, but I don't want to."



• "Let me tell you about my kids and their goddamn attitudes."



• "I've been to buffets, I know buffets, and this, sir, is no buffet."



• "If only Ted Kennedy were here to drive you home."



• "Don't tell me about your problems. I got a small, right kidney."



• "You into porn?"



• "Shove your Bible up your ass."



• "Well, I'll be damned. Merv Griffin just walked in the door!"