It's Official - Education Attracts Dipshits Nationwide

I work at a special school for special kids. Since these kids will be re-entering public school at some point, every year one of us goes to the aforementioned public school to get supplies.

Guess who goes this year?

Upon entering, the principal bumped into me wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Looked like one of his students. Except for the beer belly and liver spots.

Lovely man.

"We don't have your books," the secretary said. "Teachers were only asked yesterday and are swamped. You'll have to come back another time."

Right. Cause I have no life.

"Would you just send them through school mail?" I asked.

"You'll have to go to Student Affairs and ask the assistant principal. But be careful. He's swamped, too."

Marched my happy ass to Student Affairs and walked into a swamp all right. Had to be at least 90 degrees in that room with about ten fans blowing hot air from administration up the asses of all involved. The lights were off so I accidentally bumped into about four different adolescents. Great. Possible felony and my deodorant was giving out. After waiting in line behind a couple kids for an eternity, I finally asked one of them.

"Is it always this hot?"

Kid nodded and said,

"They removed desks to make room for more fans. At least they cut the lights. Those neon suckers made it over a hundred degrees up in this place."

"Good Lord," I said. "The A/C breaks down that often?"

"We don't have A/C."

Well. That explains the principal's casual attire. And everyone else's brain-dead attitude. I couldn't think straight and I'd just walked in the door. Dressed like a professional teacher no less and was now in need of a shower.

Finally got hold of the assistant principal who said that unfortunately teachers hadn't responded to his request.

"I forwarded their email addresses to you," he said, "because I thought maybe you would have more luck."

Oh sure. Lazy ass teachers won't respond to their immediate supervisor but Katie Robinson comes to town, watch out. What'd he think I could do - write an op-ed?

"I'll do my best," I said. "But you realize these kids will be returning to you at some point. Therefore it's in everyone's best interest that our students are up to the same level as your students. Anyway, when you get it all together, will you please send everything via school mail? One visit here is plenty."

"Everything? I thought you only needed a few textbooks."

"And teacher's editions."

"Oh," he said. "I didn't realize."

"That we needed teacher's editions to...teach?"

He just blinked and looked up at one of the fans. Clearly his brain was fried due to all the goddamn heat. Either that or he didn't care. After a prolonged and awkward silence, homeboy asked for the name of my school and promised to get the sh*t to me by Labor Day.

"In the meantime, play games with them or something."

At that moment, a pool of sweat dripped into my ass.

Loving. It. Here.