Could Be Worse

"Mommy, you think I'm sweet, right?"

I love how Youngest starts a conversation.

"Right," I said, bracing myself for something awful.

"I want to audition for the 2nd grade school play," he said. "My favorite character is sort of mean. But that's okay, right? Cause I'd just be playing a part."

"Sure," I said. "That's okay."

"I'm going to audition, too!" Oldest said. "But I'm going to try for the good guy."

"Would you come see us?" Youngest asked. "Maybe videotape it or something?"

I looked at my twin sons and smiled.

"I wouldn't miss your theatrical debuts for all the money in the world."

As I walked away, the other shoe dropped.

"Mommy?" Youngest asked, always the spokesman.

"Yes?"

"Is it okay that we'll be singing Christmas songs?"

And there it was, the moment every Jewish mother looks forward to - like a kick in the kop. Her boychiks participating in a secular, school-sanctioned celebration of Christmas.

"They can't throw in a Chanukah song?" I asked.

"Mommy," Youngest shook his head as if I should know better. "There aren't that many Jewish people in the world."

Kid had a point.

"Is it okay?" he asked.

Every Jewish adult remembers singing Christmas songs, coloring pictures of Santa Claus and picking just the right moment to tell their friends how Chanukah means *eight* days of presents. Hardly any of our people become psychopaths. Most turn such awkward moments into successful careers as stand-up comedians. Or anal-retentive attorneys.

I looked at my beautiful boys.

"Of course it's okay," I said. "Welcome to the club."

The play is Melton the Warm-Hearted Snowman. After several nail-biting days of auditions, and a reading with one over-involved stage mom that will definitely turn her daughter into the next generation's Lindsay Lohan, we got word that parts were cast.

Oldest is playing Melton, the sweet and adorable creature who loves everyone. Youngest is playing Bartholomew, the rascal with a bit of an attitude.

Talk about typecasting.

Melton gives Bartholomew his heart and the kid realizes life with love is preferable to sarcasm and ridicule. A lesson Mommy has yet to learn.

Unfortunately, Melton, without his heart, is unable to live.

Suddenly, Santa arrives to save the day.

Bartholomew turns into a good person and Melton gets a new heart and they both shout "Merry Christmas to all!" as the curtain comes down.

Been practicing lines all week. A Christmas play starring two Jews in the heart of Colorado Springs.

Better than Broadway, people.