Divine Intervention

Girls back home sent me a care package yesterday. Jesus Himself.


In addition to eternal life, my newest love toy also comes with "2 Bible Points."

To be redeemed at the next rapture.

Jesus talks. He guides. He listens.

He lost his left hand.

Finally found it in the bottom of the package. Didn't have the heart to reattach it.

How'd he lose that hand in the first place? Perhaps he caught sight of Mary Magdalene on the shelf across the aisle, sandwiched between Peter and Paul. One thing led to another.

Mary *was* sorta hot.

And so was Peter.

Oh look - a tutorial!


Question One: Who was Jesus?
He heeled a dog and cured a ham.

Question Two: Why were there so many people with Jesus that day?
He was buyin'.

Question Three: How did Jesus provide enough food for all those people? Cash. Cause God doesn't take American Express.

Thanks girls.

And now Ronnie finally has a life partner that comes with a "Focus on the Family" seal of approval.

I know. Jesus is gonna need that hand back.