Don't Re-Gift This One!

Attended an important birthday party this weekend - Nephew turned one.

Parents, Brother, all kinds of friends and family members arrived in Denver to witness and celebrate with the Junior Mint.

As the party was winding down and I lamented the lack of alcohol, Sister unwrapped gifts to be sure no lead lurked from within. I relaxed back on the couch and sort of half-listened to the litany of blocks, books, and assorted whatnot.

Then Sister opened something interesting.

"Oh look," she said, "our friend from church got him The Christian Mother Goose Book."


I immediately sprang to life.

"Lemme see," I said to Brother-in-Law.

"No," he said. "You turned your back on Christ. Remember? You don't get to look and make fun."

I finally wrestled it away from him and peeked inside.

Most of the nightmare-inducing nursery rhymes we were raised with have been reworded for the enjoyment of a Jesus-loving child.

And his disturbed Aunt Kate.

For example, remember this classic?

The Christian version: "There was an old woman/Who lived in a shoe./She had so many children,/And loved them all, too./She said, `Thank you,/Lord Jesus,/For sending them bread,'/Then kissed them all gladly/And sent them to bed."

My favorite remains the Andrew Dice Clay version: "There was an old woman/Who lived in a shoe./She had so many children,/Her uterus fell out."

As I perused this tome of Christ-enhancing joy, I noticed an odd, yet slightly arousing theme in title choices.

Call me old-fashioned, but buns or bush diddling a cock-horse or willie peter while trying to bring back the forever-gone *missionary* trend is not appropriate bedtime reading for a twelve month-old child.

Works quite well, though, for his disturbed Aunt Kate.