Fun Conversations with Co-Workers (Part Three)

I miss such talks while on Winter Break...

Co-Worker #1 - You know, I've been thinking.

Me - Uh-oh. A scary sign.

Co-Worker #1 - My wife told me I shouldn't be having these conversations with you. I've called you elitist, picked on your politics, and ragged on your religion. We've been around a long time, my wife and I. And people sue sometimes when things happen. Should I be concerned?

Me - Just make sure I don't get fired, sweetheart.

(long pause)

Me - I'm kidding.

(he's obviously concerned)

Me - Let me tell you a story. Few years ago, I had this crazy-ass department head. Lots of people wanted her fired. I had no problem because, as you can see, I kinda like crazy.

(flicker of a smile so I continue)

Me - We're all in this meeting when I stand up and crazy-ass department head says, "Sit your J.A.P-ass down." In front of everyone.

Co-Worker #1 - You're not Japanese.

(this is where I take a moment to once more educate my co-worker on items of interest outside his four square walls)

Me - Anyway, I didn't think anything of it. Just laughed it off. Within days, I was called to my principal's office where she and the assistant principal tried to get me to press charges. I knew they wanted Crazy Ass out and this was a convenient way to do it. They told me her comment was antisemitic. I said, "It wasn't antisemitic. It was stupid. I've returned diamond bracelets and look forward to raising my own children. So, obviously, I'm not a J.A.P." You see, if we shout racism or sexism or antisemitism when it doesn't exist, people will soon care less when it does.

(long pause)

Me - I keep forgetting you are an evangelical and sorta need sh*t spelled out. In other words, Homeboy, your nonsense is safe with me. So keep it coming.

Gotta have something to write about, after all.