Strain Your Nuts

Getting a good share of teasing from the masses for Saturday night.

Not all of it has to do with tequila.

Becky got on me because I didn't take my shoes off all night and dragged in cat litter.

Who knew? I was too busy drinking them out of house and home to notice.

Melissa's exact words were something like, "There was a lot of good food there. But I can't believe someone brought green beans. They just dumped a can of green beans into a casserole dish! Can you believe that?"

Ummm - not all of us are gifted in the culinary arts. I dumped a *bag* of green beans, not a can. (Frozen veggies are about 89 cents while Del Monte is well over a dollar. You do the math.)

Plus I sprinkled some salt and pepper up in there. That's gotta count for something.

Husband's apparently not thrilled with the shaggy do's the boys were sporting. Too much gel.

"Hi, we're The Robinsons. My children just got done swimming. Here are some green beans that taste like twigs. Where's your good sh*t that I'll be drinking all night? Pay attention boys, this is how you get by on personality alone."

I'm also hearing several variations of the same theme: "I told you about my dog the other night. Don't you remember?" or "We had this exact conversation at the party. Were you just pretending to listen?" and the ever popular "You said you'd babysit anytime I'd like. And you said it'd be free. How's tomorrow afternoon?"

Good times.

Then Donna sent this entertaining email. Finally, a recipe I can master.

My Favorite Christmas Cookie Recipe

1 cup of water
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 large bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest
quality. Pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer.

Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of
sugar.

Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK. Try another
cup...just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick
the frigging fruit off floor. Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a
drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the
Jose Cuervo.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Adda
spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the
cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the
turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make
sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS

Better than green beans, I suppose.