A Nice Guy Speaks

I have a friend named Alicia*. Alicia's ex-husband is kind of a jerk. He posted an explanation of sorts on his MySpace page. Claims women who never appreciated him are to blame for his jerkiness.

Jerk's explanation is all over the web. Read it here if you have ten minutes to kill and enjoy reading whine-fests from men acting like babies.

I live with a nice guy. Here's his response to Alicia's ex-husband.

Dear Recovering Nice Guy,

I’m troubled. I’m troubled by the mixed message that your soliloquy is sending. On one hand, you’re standing on your soapbox pontificating about how thoughtful, sensitive and wonderful you are: always there for a friend, buying presents, cooking dinner. On the other hand, you don’t even hide that fact that you did none of that out of friendship, care or concern. Nope. Your ultimate goal was to get laid. Impressive.

The picture you paint is that the “nice guy” is a dolt, getting laughed at, walked on, ignored and, oh horror of horrors, not receiving reciprocal “physical intimacy.” I’m going to ask you a huge favor: stop being typical. Think outside the box (pun intended) and do something for this society that will stop perpetuating bullshit. Stop being a nice guy. Just be a man. Progeny recapitulates phylogeny (look it up RNG), men beget men and so here’s hoping that if today’s recovering nice guys start acting like men, their sons will do the same and so on.

It’s not that tough. I’ll help you.

First, forget that your mom exists. She is/was wonderful and you love her. She imparted some fantastic wisdom and kindness. But she also cleaned up after you literally and figuratively. She blew your nose, wiped your eyes and bleached your dirty underwear. She made excuses for you when you acted selfish and fought your battles when your spoiled ass didn’t get your way. Because of this you automatically assumed that all females were put on this earth to service you and take care of your needs. It makes sense that you think you should receive physical intimacy because I mean, come on I BOUGHT HER SOMETHING! IF by some miracle, this doesn’t apply to you then your mom is worth her weight in gold because she took the path less traveled and was disciplined enough to make you a man.

Next. Try communicating. This doesn’t mean talking. It means talking AND LISTENING. Take an active interest in your significant other and what’s important to them. Even if it doesn’t make your top 10 list. Trust me, Sportscenter will be on again tomorrow so turn your new plasma television off and pay attention to your mate. I promise you it will result in something wonderful: being a team. Which brings up my next point.

Try being a team! Hey, congratulations that you cleaned up after yourself. Once. Just don’t brag about it to her as she’s rushing to get dinner made, after making sure the kids’ homework got done and that the house is presentable in case your friends come over all after a full day of work. Think about it: she’s going to reflect in kind how you treat her. Don’t get all pissy (read: feel guilty) that she’d prefer you read to your kids at night while she takes a bath when you ask her if it’s okay that you play World of Warcraft with your online buddies in Peru. It’s a win/win. She gets to decompress and you get some quality time with your kids. Trust me, they see you treating a female with respect so if they’re your boys, they’ll grow up to do the same. If they’re your girls, they’ll grow up and demand the same. See the pattern referred to above? So pitch in. Relieve her stress. It will relieve yours, too.

Which brings me to my final point. Do all of this because you want to. Do it because it’s right. Do it to set a great example. The physical reciprocation you crave will automatically happen. Just shower up and shave for pete’s sake.

A Nice Guy Who Gets It (pun intended again)