Thursday, March 13, 2008

Does Anyone Have an Aaron Burr Costume I Can Borrow?

Tuesday night, I attended Drinking Liberally in the northern part of The Springs where a few nights a month, progressives aren’t afraid to step out into the neon lights of a chain restaurant with too many drunks at the bar.

And you thought all we did was march and protest. Who’s buying?

We avoided all talk of Eliot Spitzer and instead focused on toilets.

For a few minutes anyway.

Laurie Hibbs talked about ways to save money and water at the same time. Indoor composting for kitchens; environmentally-friendly toilets and showerheads for bathrooms.

Items that should go on Jeff’s favorite site: Stuff White People Like.

Laurie got me thinking about public restrooms where I am instructed to flush “up” after letting loose with liquid waste and flush “down” after dropping the kids off at the pool.

Who does the latter in public, by the way? Besides old white grumpy men who read The Gazette and laugh at the unfortunate among us. (Read: my co-workers)

Anyway, as I’m sitting there in the restaurant smelling someone’s tuna melt gone bad, I thought about what Mom always said,

“Don’t talk about sh*t where you eat.”

Luckily, Laurie ended her Toilet Talk and Chyrese Exline got up to speak about Amendment 31.

Amendment 31 has enough signatures to make it to the ballot and, if passed, will ban Colorado’s affirmative action programs benefiting women and minorities. I’m against the Amendment; its language is misleading, deceptive and poorly written. (Which means it’ll probably pass.) But I still whistled while staring at the ceiling, knowing full well I’m the only Democrat in the room who’s against affirmative action as well as the Amendment banning it.

Please, I prayed, don’t anyone bring up the death penalty.

While leaving the event, one of my favorite local bigwigs stopped to chat awhile. We talked about the appeal of curly-haired liberals, and the power of the written word. I mentioned that I’d be happy to write for Hal Bidlack, who’s running for the US House of Representatives. Hal is funny and charming in small groups, but maybe could use some help addressing larger crowds.

Bigwig said Hal was grateful for my offer, big fan, yadda yadda yadda - but no. Thanks anyway though.

Seems my writing is a bit shocking. Hal’s trying to appeal to Republicans and all.

Ouch.

I know plenty of Republicans who think I’m quite appealing.

Wait a minute, Hal likes to dress up in a wig and tights.

But I’m shocking?

To be fair, though, I do write about flushing toilets. However, Republicans are notoriously full of sh*t, so what’s the problem?

Yeah, I know. Maybe “Hal Hamilton” is right.

10 Comments:

At 3/13/2008, Blogger Mr. Matt said...

I like Hamilton Burger does that count?

 
At 3/13/2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

He doesn't want you to fucking write for they man for the same reason the other guy complimented you so you'd not call when you're in town. Absent slapping the hell out of you while explaining this to you face to face, I highly doubt you'd ever fully understand, if you can even begin to grasp much of anything, you bitch. Accept they let you show up at all, know your place, and live with it.

 
At 3/13/2008, Blogger superdave524 said...

Yeah, I haven't had sex in awhile either...

 
At 3/13/2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

has anyone else heard that there is an identified group of "angry white Democrat white women"?

just askin'

 
At 3/13/2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

google this headline:
NOAA: Coolest Winter Since 2001 for U.S., Globe

 
At 3/14/2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmmm. Aaron Burr wanted to create a monarchy in America and essentially murdered Hamilton.

This is what you want to emulate?

That's very......instructive.

 
At 3/14/2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You want some cheese with that whine, Kate?

 
At 3/14/2008, Blogger superdave524 said...

A sitting vice-president of the U.S. of A. shooting someone? Preposterous!

 
At 3/14/2008, Blogger QuakerJono said...

You know, generally I think Kentucky Representative Tim Couch's bill to ban anonymity on the web is a bad idea.

Then I come here and numerous spot proofs of John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory argue that I'm wrong.

 
At 3/15/2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

quackerjono:

Since you have hackneyed your point about the fuckwad theory, there are two points to be made:

1- some of us don't care who you are

2- you take yourself too seriously

3- it may be a safe bet that you never fantasize about false lovers

&

4- if you just can't handle anonymous posters, get the host to take the little "check the circle" off of the choice that says "anoymomous". That's a pro-choice kind of thing.

 

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