Three words: What a Mess

Met with my children's principal and teachers yesterday.

I'm still trying to process everything, so give me a minute. My demand to these educators - stop Tyler* yourselves or stop punishing my children when they stop him.

The principal is a nice guy. He means well. My children's teachers seem kind and patient as well. They assured me that bullying has no place in their school. They also believe that some bullying *probably* occurred. But no one has actually seen Tyler punch or push and so it's been impossible to document the nonsense.

Teacher #2 said that in the arguments she's witnessed, with nothing physical occurring, my boys were just as much to blame as the other kid. Because they're bold.

"Umm, you've never raised a red flag about my kids before," I said. "In fact, we just got the boys' report cards and they're near perfect. Now all of a sudden, today, they're part of the problem?"

Silence.

"Besides," I said, "being bold doesn't excuse bullying behavior. Tyler has certain challenges, does he not?"

"All children have challenges," Teacher #2 snapped. "I won't assign labels regarding our students."

"That's fine in the classroom," Husband said. "But here we are behind closed doors and don't you think Tyler's special needs have something to do with his outbursts?"

"They're just boys being boys," Teacher #1 said. "All of them."

"My children and Tyler are not equal," I said.

"To me they are," Teacher #2 said.

Fantastic.

So what else?

Well. Turns out our kids walk with a swagger. So there's that.

"I wouldn't say they're cocky," Principal continued. "But they are confident. They communicate well."

"Oldest is my strongest math student," Teacher #1 said.

"Youngest is my best reader," Teacher #2 said.

"They don't hesitate to say they're great basketball players," Principal said.

I was getting chastised because my children are..what exactly?

"These aren't bad things," Principal said. "Your children are also sensitive and sweet. Kind to everyone and very polite. It's just that their more mature qualities make them a bit of a target with the other kids who don't excel as much."

Wonderful.

I can work on their boldness and propensity to believe they are the next Michael Jordans. But I won't break their spirit or tell them to be less than who they are.

I suppose the latter problem comes down to this - keep them in a neighborhood school where they will either dumb themselves down to fit in or eventually isolate themselves in what - chess club?

The alternative might be to find somewhere they can learn alongside smart, well-behaved children. But the more affluent schools are filled with druggies and prep schools are filled with petulant snobs.

Hillel have any openings?

But therein lies the rub. Do children surrounded by likeminded children learn the necessary coping skills required to get along in the world?

On the other hand, do kids really lose anything by being allowed an education free from drama and underachieving bullies?

In the end, the principal and teachers said they would keep an eye out for swinging fists. They were confident that the talks and behavior plan in place with Tyler would work its magic. My kids seem fine, until they have to put this kid in his place again.

I'm glad the principal and teachers were confident things would improve.

I'm not confident about anything.

Except that this parenting gig is harder than it looks.