A Recurring Theme

So I get into work yesterday only to be told, surprise, that we're having staff evaluations. No problem.

The powers that be arrive in my classroom and I'm confident it'll be like every other review I've ever had. Positive and professional.

Started off okay.

Turns out I'm knowledgeable and passionate. Good work ethic. I bring in books, music, and art to supplement my lessons. Kids are excited about social studies and doing well.

Fantastic, right? Not so much.

Turns out I'm too hard on my students. Too assertive. Not empathetic or compassionate enough. I demand a certain self-discipline from kids. I'm too hard on their parents.

Really? Cause I remember talking a few parents off the ledge this year. Calming them down when they'd attacked my fellow teachers.

"Right, you did do that. I'm talking about other times."

Oh. I see.

That's not all. When I'm not mouthy, I'm too quiet. Especially in team meetings. Too standoffish. My personality is *different* from everyone else.

Have any parents complained?

No.

Have any students complained?

No.

Have you brought this to my attention earlier? Like, say, before review time?

No.

Am I brand new? Trying to get acclimated? Learning team dynamics as I go along?

Yes.

But I'm the only teacher who assigns homework during winter and spring breaks.

Do I have to get from pre-colonial to post-9/11 in nine months when I only see these kids every other day?

Yes.

But a kid drew a swastika on his neck and I yelled at him and told him to wash it off. And kids were surfing the web and I told them that wasn't allowed. Now, yes, they did surf porn sites and that's illegal and other teachers allowed it to happen, but I'm still too hard on the kids. I'm the toughest grader in the school. I don't take personality into account.

I need to ease up and go softer on them. They're at-risk after all.

Plus I need to be more outgoing with the team. Shouldn't be so quiet. Gives the wrong impression.

I tell them that I'm surprised. When Co-Worker #1 gave me Christian books to read, sent me anti-liberal emails, and took shots, daily, at my political and religious views, I always laughed.

I smiled through it all. Never once complained. Even when others came to me and told me *they* were offended on my behalf.

Apparently when I joke back, I'm too aggressive. When I ignore it, I'm a snob.

One of the reviewers said it's an "east coast v. western thing, Catherine. You're just different."

You don't say?

I'm different everywhere I go. My friend Jeff put it best: "A liberal Jewish vegetarian with twin sons? You are an actuarial nightmare."

Everywhere I've ever worked, people have appreciated those differences. We shouldn't all be the same. We shouldn't all be buddies with our students. Someone should be a grown-up.

I'm not complaining. Not really. I'm thanking them. Because my ultimate decision is now so much easier to make.