"They're too busy laughing at me to write it."

Today our children came home and announced that Larry* had been suspended for hurting a female student.

I know. Color me surprised.

Meanwhile, I've been looking for a suitable educational replacement for them. One such private school said they'd need to see the boys' records. So I went into their current school's office and looked through their records. Nothin' but good news.

"What else you need?" I asked.

"Letters of recommendation."

"No problem. From whom?"

"Their teachers."

I know. Awkward.

I sent an email on Monday to their teachers asking for such letters by today. Today came and went. Nothing. So I sent the principal an email asking for the letters, you know, sometime this month.

He writes back saying they'll write the letters when "they receive a format or an outline to respond to" as this is "very unusual".

I know. What a maroon.

Husband wrote back-

Here’s the outline:

To Whom It May Concern:

Youngest Robinson was in my class at Mouthbreathers Elementary. Despite the fact I had no classroom management skills, he still managed to survive. It’s amazing to me that even though targeted, he didn’t react poorly until the assbags he dealt with daily (myself included) had pushed him too far. Seriously, he has the patience of Job.

I would confidently recommend Youngest to any private school. You guys cool he’s a Jew?

Suck me thusly,
Miss Blah Blah

But he only sent it to me.

I know. Damn.