This is a long one - so grab a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and join me, won't you?
"Most men live lives of quiet desperation" – Henry David Thoreau
I come from a place/family/culture where you say what you mean and mean what you say. Unfortunately, not everyone follows this simple philosophy.
Asst. Superintendent met with me this morning and presented a new and improved evaluation. Remember how the last one was Two Thumbs Down? Well, it's now One Thumb Up. Maybe One and a Half.
I had written a letter to be attached to the unacceptable original review, but didn’t think it necessary once this new one was presented. Much more even-handed. I just signed it and smiled. Wet it, wipe it, goodnight.
Then Asst. Super says, “I had a talk with the staff about your concerns.”
I sort of paused and blinked a few times. “I could tell.”
She smiles. “Oh good.”
“Not really,” I said. “I’ve been shunned and ignored, not by everyone but by many, since our last meeting. That’s why I asked you not to say anything.”
“That wasn’t the tone of my talk,” she said. “And I really only spoke with Co-Worker #1. I told him you were uncomfortable with the books and jokes and –”
“But that’s a lie,” I said. “I made it very clear, as I will now, that I wasn’t bothered by any of it. I was simply disappointed that the same tolerance and understanding I showed was not returned to me.”
She and my Lead Teacher just kind of gathered up their things and said, “Okay, well, that’s fine, that’s good. Have a good end of the year. Only a few days left. See you.”
I just sat there trying to make some sense of it all.
In summary: I rubbed people the wrong way this year. They complained about me and those complaints made their way into my review. During the review, when I was told about everything for the first time, I asked how they could complain about *me* when I’d obviously taken so much with a smile and a giggle? That rubbed them further the wrong way and I’ve been ignored ever since.
I love how people go to church and act morally sound, yet walk around not speaking to someone they’ve hurt and isolated just because it’s awkward or uncomfortable to do so. Not. Very. Christlike.
What have I learned from this experience? Speaking your mind and fighting for what you believe in when surrounded by supporters is easy. I’m comforted by the fact that I wrote and spoke up and acted true to myself even when it was inconvenient. I do not live a life of quiet desperation. I’m a bit of a fighter.
Which is kinda hot.
I also apologize to people when I hurt them. I don’t avoid eye contact and talk about them behind their back.
Here’s my aforementioned letter, shelved for the time being.
To Whom It May Concern:
As of 05.07.08, I was not aware of any negative issues regarding my performance here. During the review, with Assistant Superintendent and Lead Teacher, I discussed several issues that have occurred throughout the year as evidence that said review was inaccurate.
Let it be known that,
- As of today, I’d not been made aware of any complaints from parents or students.
- I’ve responded well to jokes made at the expense of my religion and political beliefs. I’ve responded well to emails, books, and other forms of proselytizing at work. I have never complained or requested discipline actions against anyone. When Lead teacher and two district representatives, at two separate meetings, asked if I was offended by fellow teachers, I defended those teachers and their distinctive personalities, showing an acceptance and tolerance that, in turn, was not afforded to me.
- Lead Teacher made mention that she gathered feedback for my evaluation.
- I was never asked to review any of my peers for their evaluations.
Some examples of how my discipline style differed from those here:
- At a field trip earlier this year, one student drew a swastika on his neck. I was the only teacher who asked him to wash it off. He refused and other staff allowed him to board our bus and go out to lunch with the rest of the school. Not one other teacher supported me in requiring him to erase what is, at its core, an offensive and embarrassing symbol.
- Earlier this year, a student wore a baseball cap to school and, again, I was the only teacher who asked him to remove it. The student refused. Two teachers who were present didn’t require that he remove the hat.
- During the entire month of April 2008, our middle school students used the computers here. They visited pornographic websites. On several occasions, witnessed by several staff members, I removed them from the computers. I was the only teacher to do so.
Also, let it be known that,
- Lead Teacher brought up only one example where I showed a lack of compassion toward a student: Robin Smith*.
- Robin Smith told several staff members here that she was used to telling teachers that she was stupid. Such a statement allowed her to miss work on a regular basis because those teachers "felt sorry for her". Therefore, I concluded that pity was the worst thing for her and required her to work to the best of her ability. Every teacher here expressed concern over her sexually inappropriate behavior. I am the only teacher who informed her mother. Her mother responded by saying that Robin was in therapy. Again, the mother never complained about my approach; therefore, I disagree with Lead Teacher’s conclusion.
I also disagree with the conclusion of staff members whose opinion is reflected in my review.
Sincerely,
Catherine Durkin Robinson
My entire life, I’ve been around people who think differently. Nana used to say, “Well, at least we understand each other.” Whether with colleagues, friends, or family, we always allowed each other to be different. Never demanded conformity and never used our differences against each other. I am blessed and fortunate for such a foundation.
That’s why this year has been so unusual. But I learned something. And the quiet desperation in people who won’t speak out (either with students who need it or on behalf of a teacher who’s been treated incorrectly, and then lied about) is a sad sorry existence I’m glad to know nothing about.
Continue to keep your lips sealed and your eyes down, people. I’ll be gone soon enough.
8 Comments:
Keep trudging on, Kate. It is shocking to me that none of the other teachers supported you in pointing out obviously inappropriate behavior. Odd, that teachers respect the "rights" of children to express themselves in oppressive or mean ways, or to slack off their responsibilities, but abhor you, an adult who has earned the right to express herself. Seems like they got the whole thing ass-backwards.
I have a favorite saying, as far as I know it's mine, "When telling the truth, do so quietly."
Like Dumbledore said of Percy Wesely towards his parents, "It's a lot easier to forgive someone for being wrong, than for being right."
Kate, I didn't get rehired at my last job because I stuck up for a bunch of students that were being railroaded out of the school. They weren't perfect kids, but they deserved due-process. They didn't get it, and I went into the administration and stuck up for the kids, and told the admin it wasn't right.
Someone told a parent that the kids were being railroaded, Hand to God, it wasn't me that told the parent, but the admin, just knew it was. I said, no, I told you guys, I never mentioned that to another soul. They didn't believe me. Losing that job was better than supporting what was not right.
You did good! You'll always know that and there are a lot people out there that will never forgive you because they know you were right!
You know, given the work environment and given the fact that this paper trail mysteriously starts only at your review, it might behoove you to talk to a lawyer. Given the area of the country you live in, perhaps a lawyer for the ACLU with good media contacts nationwide.
Given the fact that good teachers are so hard to find (and actually keep in teaching) it is horrifying that this is happening to you. Given that it's Colorado Springs, which is pretty much a lost cause, I don't know if tilting at legal windmills is something you're up for, but sometimes a stink must be made.
Kate, I think Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman said it best in the (dare I say "classic") film "Ishtar," in their song, "Telling the Truth" ...
You hum these all day. And remember what I told you about The Springs :-)
"Telling the truth can be dangerous business.
"Honest and popular don't go hand in hand.
"If you admit that you can play the accordion,
"No one'll hire you in a rock 'n' roll band.
"But we can siiinnnngggggg . . . our hearts out (all night)
"And if we're lucky, then no neighbors complain.
"Nobody knows where the beginning part starts out (sing all right)
"But being human we can live with the pain.
"Because life is the way we audition for God;
"Let us pray that we all get the job.
"Cryin' out loud gets you pointed and laughed at
"Be like a baby. Only babies should cry. . .
"Somebody tell me how that rumor got started.
"Some things I know that only God knows why.
"But we can siiinnnngggggg . . . our hearts out (all night)
"And if we're lucky, then no neighbors complain.
"No body knows where the beginning part starts out (sing all right)
"But being human we can live with the pain
Chase, please, no more singing.
Ok, people, not everyone in Colorado Springs is a right-wing religious lunatic republican. I know 3. Including myself. So back off!
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