I Get the Best Emails - Ongoing

One of my dear, lifelong friends hadn't heard from me lately and was concerned. As I sit in my parent's home working my ass off on writing assignments and cleaning everything in sight while said parents and children are at the beach for a week, it sure is nice to hear that someone out there feels for my well-being.

After being assured that I am, in fact, alive and well - she caught me up on her latest issues, thoughts, and adventures. An excerpt, edited for space:

"I went to Classmates.com against my own better judgement. I had a glass of Chablis after dinner and was feeling a bit funky. "Why not?" I said to myself. I refuse to pay $29.00 a month communicating with people I loathed 20 years ago. Although seeing popular cheerleaders, who teased me relentlessly, becoming fat and addicted (name your poison) made me think twice about this, but it still wasn't worth the money.

Nonetheless, I created a small yet impersonal profile.

The emails started like cockroaches when you turn the light on in an abandoned garage full of rotten food.

I started looking at everyone who had pictures in their profile. Jesus. When did they get so old?????!! Of course, I haven't aged a day since high school - or so I keep telling myself. Some people were unrecognizable!!!!

So I say to my husband, "I can't believe how old these people look!" - completely believing I still look the same (after all I WAS Madonna then). He replied with this: "Have you seen Madonna lately?"

The tears rolled. Because yes. I have seen Madonna lately. She looks old. Fit but old. Old but fit. Adopting children from 3rd world countries because she can't have any more due to menopause. Madonna and Menopause. Really!!? What have I done? Where am I going?

I have no children. I don't want them just the same. But society and Classmates.com is the undeniable truth that I am a rare statistic. Almost 40 (6 months and counting) and no children? Is it possible that I simply realized at one point how selfish and immature I am? Instead of kudos for realizing this and not bringing another unwanted child in the world, I'm plagued with, "why haven't you" and "it's the best thing you can ever experience".

My mind's eye disagrees but there's always Classmates.com to argue.

For about a week I felt depressed. My husband (6 years younger mind you) had no idea what to say or what to do. Bless his vegetarian heart. So this is what he says; "Baby, I love you. You are my world and I can't imagine life without you. Stop going to Classmates.com and WebMD.com - you're not old and you're not dying of a rare blood disorder because the cut on your finger isn't healing fast enough."

I was banned from the Internet for 2 weeks. It worked and I'm fine now.

Sorry about Russert by the way. I know you liked him.

I love you."

I would never tell anyone that they're missing out by not having kids. Cause seriously. It ain't for everyone.

That's why this song pisses me off.

Complete and utter nonsense. Don't tell me people who eschew the family experience come to regret it - I know plenty of parents who are dealing with drug-addicted children who would give anything to go back in time and pull out. I love my boys more than life itself, but I know my life isn't for everyone. And that's okay.

Meaningful lives come in all shapes and forms.

Seriously. The best emails and the bestest friends. I am a lucky girl.