Monday, July 28, 2008

Don't Get Me Started


I'm afraid Husband and I are becoming more like those old people who lived through the Great Depression.

"You're going through hard times? This ain't nothin'! I once had to flick maggots off a steak I found in the garbage so I could eat something after nearly starving to death. In the winter. While only wearing socks."

I've always been sympathy-challenged. It's the Irish in me or something. We're allergic to self-pity and I don't like pitying others either. Feeling sorry for someone is insulting and doesn't do them any good.

I'd like to think I'm empathetic, though. To a point. I understand that sh*t sucks sometimes and you just need to cry it out before building a bridge to get over it.

So quit telling me I don't get it. I do.

For instance, I've got some friends dealing with divorce. I'm all kinds of there for them. A part of me worries that divorce just isn't the solution to their problems, but they don't like to hear that kind of crazy talk. Not when Singles Night is a-callin'.

I often get the whole "you don't understand" reply to any advice I give that cautions against splitting up.

Why don't I understand? Because I'm happily married? It's still hard work. I know that unexpected complications arise. Husband is back and forth between The Springs and Tampa again and it's hard as hell being separated when we still really dig each other.

I do understand.

But do you really want a judge telling you when you can see your own kids? Are you okay with a stepmom or stepdad one day exerting a certain amount of influence over your daughter? Is some strange with a skanky ho really worth all that?

Sorry. No judgments.

I also have several friends suffering from financial woes. Bankruptcy, unemployment, and having cars repossessed is happening to the most unlikely of folks. I even know a few people who are sick and tired and not getting any better. And I must bite my tongue when they too complain and then tell me I don't understand.

I'm living with my parents, for Christ's sake. And my house for sale in The Springs started flooding because of a busted hot water heater.

I can remember what it was like years ago to have my husband laid off with two toddlers and a new house mortgage. I do believe after the fright subsided, I got off my ass and found a part-time job in the evenings to help out until he got hired somewhere else. I took a loss on the house we sold last year. I know what it's like to be in the hospital and scared about leaving my children motherless because a silly stomach bug was out to get me.

Maybe this is our generation's time to suffer or maybe we should simply rethink our priorities and voting habits, but it is what it is. Let's learn from it and grow. Don't run away or drown in the drink just because you're blue and things aren't the way you thought.

Let's become better people and earn the right to tell our grandkids they don't know from struggling.

And through it all I always understand. I really do.

5 Comments:

At 7/28/2008, Blogger superdave524 said...

Life is painful, that's a fact. The past couple of generations of Americans are spoiled. I once told my Grandma, who'd been through the Great Depression, that my generation is soft because we didn't have the benefit of a Depression. I was only sorta kidding. Looks like we might get "lucky" afterall. Kinda like a spanking, though: we might need it, but it's our job not to want it.

 
At 7/28/2008, Blogger John in IL said...

Very well said, Kate. I'm all for more judging.

And watch out, Dave. I'm smacking the next person who brings up today and the Great Depression in the same sentence. Perspective, bitches!

 
At 7/28/2008, Blogger superdave524 said...

Well, see? There's that spanking.

 
At 7/28/2008, Blogger John in IL said...

That's a distinction without a difference, Kate. You'll feel better about yourself (and give better advice) when you own your judgments. Shame is powerful. Use it.

 
At 7/29/2008, Blogger kate said...

I dunno, I've had this argument with people before. There is a certain type of ugliness that judgmental people share. And I ain't interested in ugly.

How can I possibly judge when I don't know the circumstances? I have no idea what the person is going through?

I suppose I only know what I am going through. And maybe my immediate family.

Everyone else is on their own.

 

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