Forgiveness and Facebook

Lots of people cut ties with their past and end relationships in order to move on. I understand the need to renew yourself by forging ahead without looking back.

But when I find someone special, I hold on for life.

I found most of my closest friends in the 1980s.

Not all. Family members have been there since the '60s. Can't forget the Boston bonds of the 1990s, special souls who will forever hold my heart in their hands. In the 2000s, I have come to cherish those who bring to mind that Elton John line, "I thank the Lord there's people out there like you."

Still. There's something remarkable about friendships that hit the twenty-year mark. Friendships that have stood the test of time without blood or genetics to hold them together. Friendships that survive because of love.

For a long time, I'd gather in my mind the girls that helped me grow - Becky, Sharon, and Cathy. In different, but wonderful ways, they helped me become the woman I am today. Becky's fierce independence, Sharon's determined loyalty, Cathy's heart of gold. We've seen it all - tears, tragedies and triumphs. Now I am heading toward my fourth decade with Beck, Sha, and Cat still very much a part of my life.

It means something.

People would say, "Wow. You've stayed connected with your best friends through junior high, high school, college and beyond? That's awesome."

I'd smile and nod. But inside there was always a nagging voice. "What about Julie?"

Julie and I were friends from 1985 - 1995. She started out as a smiling face in Chamberlain's hallways, but by freshman year in college we were inseparable. Husband would often say he couldn't tell where one ended and the other began.

You're probably thinking, "Only ten years?" But the years from fifteen to twenty-five carry more than three decades worth of growth, pain, joy, and wacky adventures in nudist colonies. Julie taught me how to drink tequila, for Christ's sake.

In 1995, Julie and I experienced what Sharon wisely refers to as "growth issues." We stopped talking. Over the years, not one day went by where I didn't wonder about how Julie was doing. I silently rooted for her health and happiness.

Finally, Sharon made 2008's equivalent of a "cut the shit, girls" declarative statement by inviting Julie to be her friend on Facebook.

"What's up with you and Katie?" she asked.

It started the ball rolling toward forgiveness. Many people will look back on November 4th, 2008 as the night we elected Barack Obama to be President of the United States. I will, too. But I will also remember that night as the night Julie and I talked for the first time in thirteen years.

Thanks, Yenta Sha.

This weekend, I'm going to Ft. Lauderdale for a well-deserved break and a reunion of sorts. A few other friends from our college years will join us (CATHY'S COMING WOO HOO!) and the weekend will also be a chance for Julie and I to reconnect. And make up for some lost time.

I am blessed because I have all my girls now. And I'm so happy I no longer have to wonder about Julie.

Tequila anyone?