Feels Like a Brand New Season

Oh well. Makes sense to me.

Kate - Have You Got Nothing to Say?

Maybe not. Or maybe I'm just trying to sort it all out.

I feel a profound sense of peace, sort of like the calm before the storm. Or the eye in the middle of a hurricane. Whatever metaphor works. Or simile?

For the first time in forever, I read the paper today and had no opinion. On anything. Could it be that I have nothing to say right now? I certainly don't have anything to say about what's going on in my personal life. But that may change tomorrow or the next day.

Or, as my dad says, maybe right damn now.

I will say this. The list of people who ought to leave me alone is getting longer. Why? Not sure. I'm not very good at cutting people out of my life, but I'm doing it anyway. Content to be with only friends and loved ones whom I enjoy and who enjoy being with me. I won't travel down the street anymore for soul-dragging, miserable, neurotic creatures whose disdain for me is obvious, much less across the state or country. I love who I love. And the rest can go to hell.

And don't get me started on people who are all wrapped up in how my life choices affect them and their world. I don't care what you've got going on, I have to make decisions that are best for my family. You sure as hell aren't putting my kids through school. Therefore I have to do it. So take all of your selfish concerns, insecurities, and deal with them on your own. I've got enough happening, I don't need to hear your nonsense as well. Those boys come first. Most of my loved ones understand and support me. And the rest can kiss my black ass.

Wow. Aren't you glad I don't have anything to say?

What's in that Burger or Glass of Milk?

You can stop it, you know. Give it a try. You might just change the world.

"Try not to think about its soul, Kate."

Today I am going to do something I haven't done in a long time. I'm going to eat salmon.

Fresh, not farmed, salmon. So that's something. However, I am not thrilled with this particular development. I am simply conducting an experiment to see if my platelet count goes up. This will placate certain family members, dieticians, and friends who insist lack of dead-animal protein is to blame for my ITP. If, in two months, this does nothing to raise my numbers, I will go back to my cruelty-free diet.

Still.

It's not that I haven't had worse things in my mouth. I did date a Republican once. Once. It's just that I feel good and healthy living a life where I do my best to do no harm.

The body though is not playing along. And I'd hate to get worse and start bleeding out everywhere without at least trying to fix it. I often say that food is medicine we put in our body every day...

So I'm going to eat salmon today. Wish me luck. (But only if you're registered because anonymous users are now banned from my site. Happy Chase? John?)

So Pretty When Shot with Dye and Photographed

I'm feeling like my old self again. My hair is back to reddish-brown like God and Redken meant it to be. My skin is glistening once more, thanks to the Florida sun, salt sea air, and medicated soaps and creams. Been reacquainting myself with dear friends and family that I've missed for far too long. The boys are loving life, encircled within a strong support system, and can't get enough of Bo's Ice Cream and their grandparents' pool. Soon Husband will be joining us.

Life is good.

So of course my platelet count has to dip into the low sixties. Just to keep me on my toes.

I visited Hot Hematologist on Monday and he gave me the somber news. Dead within weeks, I'm told.

Kidding. Stop clapping.

He got out my numbers from the past three years and said that my low platelets are within the normal range *for me*.

And other creatures of the night.

I had to ask if my vegan diet could be to blame. He said probably not. I have an autoimmune disorder - which means that my immune system is a bit overzealous and attacking the platelets.

See, I told you I was an overachiever. On some level. Or maybe my immune system is overly conservative, attacking poor platelets just because they support same sex marriage.

"I really don't think diet is to blame," he said, "but if you want to go carnivorous and use this an excuse. Feel free."

I made a wrinkled nose at him.

"I know you'd like to have one less thing to worry about," he said, "but really there's no need to worry. We'll keep an eye on it, but I'm sure this is just going to be your condition for a while."

"My numbers were in the 200s up until eight and a half years ago."

"Pregnancy. The gift that keeps on giving. But you look good. Dr. Berger did a great job, didn't he?"

Sigh. So nice to have a hot doctor who compliments well.

"You're going to be fine, Catherine. I'm more alarmed as a Yankees fan looking at your Red Sox jersey than I am as a doctor looking at your platelet count."

A Yankees fan? Damn. Not so hot anymore.

Come Away With Me and Get Depressed

My friend Lynda recently returned from Italy. She drank great wine, ate delicious food, saw priceless works of art, visited museums and churches. Overall, she had a fantastic time.

"Wow," I said as we talked over the phone. "That sounds wonderful."

"It was wonderful," she said. "So how was your trip home from Colorado Springs. What was this, your ninth time making the drive? See anything interesting?"

"We visited Memphis this time and saw the balcony where Martin Luther King Jr. was shot."

(long pause)

"The Lorraine Hotel has been made into a civil rights museum," I continued. "The boys got to see Rosa Parks' bus and the Woolworth's Counter. We toured the room where James Earl Ray stayed the night before the shooting. They keep the window open halfway just like he left it."

(another long pause)

"Wow, Katie," she finally said. "Last year you visited Oklahoma City and New Orleans. This year you learned about lynching. Ever hear of a theme park?"

May We All Learn Something from this Brilliant Man

Rest in peace, George.



Amen.

It Helps to be Specific

Years ago, while pregnant with my boys, I took a gestational diabetes test. Drinking god awful liquid while not eating and still extremely pregnant.

Good times.

At my next doctor's appointment, I sat in her office while she looked through her paperwork and said everything looked good. I decided to ask specifically, "Did the test come back positive for diabetes?"

She looked through the file again, made a face, and said, "The results aren't here. I'll have to make a phone call."

Dr. Dawn made the call and the results were in fact positive. The next week while I was in again to get the needed nutritional advice ("Just say no to fruit juice.") and lessons on how to test my own blood sugar, I ran into my nurse who asked about my gas pains and determined, after getting me up on an exam table, that I was in labor. Apparently I'd been in labor for a few days, but hadn't realized it.

I know. Sounds like me.

What does this mean? That if I'd never asked about my diabetes test, I'd have never gone in there for the nutritional advice, and would not have known I was in premature labor until...

You fill in the blanks.

So today I get a call from my gynecologist (catching up on all my appointments since I'm back home in Tampa) and she said, "You've got chlamydia."

Kidding.

She said, "Your blood work looks great!" I decided to ask specifically, "How does my platelet count look?" (Those of you who are new here can catch up on my medical history with ITP if you're bored and looking for something to do.)

The nurse said, "Oh yeah, your platelet count. That's right. Ummm. Oh. It says here that your platelet count couldn't be determined due to clumping. But it also says that the platelet count appeared low on the slide. So I'll have to get the doc to call you about this."

Great. So I made an appointment with my old Hot Hematologist for Monday and this gives me something to think about while I'm trying to enjoy the waves, ocean, and cocktails for the next few days.

What does this mean? That if I'd never asked about my platelet test, I'd have never realized it was inconclusive, and would not have known to call the hematologist until...

You fill in the blanks.

It's Summertime After All

I'm heading to the beach for a few days, but before I go...

Which is worse? John McCain continuing to treat Americans in general, and Floridians in particular, as if we are all mouthbreathers. Or the fact that our governor, Charlie Crist, is going along with it?

The oil companies are trying to get certain areas up for oil exploration: Alaska, Gulf of Mexico, etc.

"The prices will come down if we can drill where we want, we swear..."

Sure. This is nothing new, they've been trying this for years. They did so after 9/11, after Katrina, whenever they think it might work. So far, Florida's governor has been on our side.

Now he wants to be vice-president so he's running to McCain's side to push drilling in the gulf. As if pretending to be straight wasn't humiliating enough. Jim Johnson over at State of Sunshine put it best with this postcard.


He should add Charlie Crist's name as well. So if you're a real conservative, I suppose Bob Barr is the only real choice.

Say it with me: President Obama.

And this guy, at least he's telling the truth.



Say with it with me: Seven minutes.

h/t Dalia

No Heartbreak This Time

Believe it baby.

I Get the Best Emails - Ongoing

One of my dear, lifelong friends hadn't heard from me lately and was concerned. As I sit in my parent's home working my ass off on writing assignments and cleaning everything in sight while said parents and children are at the beach for a week, it sure is nice to hear that someone out there feels for my well-being.

After being assured that I am, in fact, alive and well - she caught me up on her latest issues, thoughts, and adventures. An excerpt, edited for space:

"I went to Classmates.com against my own better judgement. I had a glass of Chablis after dinner and was feeling a bit funky. "Why not?" I said to myself. I refuse to pay $29.00 a month communicating with people I loathed 20 years ago. Although seeing popular cheerleaders, who teased me relentlessly, becoming fat and addicted (name your poison) made me think twice about this, but it still wasn't worth the money.

Nonetheless, I created a small yet impersonal profile.

The emails started like cockroaches when you turn the light on in an abandoned garage full of rotten food.

I started looking at everyone who had pictures in their profile. Jesus. When did they get so old?????!! Of course, I haven't aged a day since high school - or so I keep telling myself. Some people were unrecognizable!!!!

So I say to my husband, "I can't believe how old these people look!" - completely believing I still look the same (after all I WAS Madonna then). He replied with this: "Have you seen Madonna lately?"

The tears rolled. Because yes. I have seen Madonna lately. She looks old. Fit but old. Old but fit. Adopting children from 3rd world countries because she can't have any more due to menopause. Madonna and Menopause. Really!!? What have I done? Where am I going?

I have no children. I don't want them just the same. But society and Classmates.com is the undeniable truth that I am a rare statistic. Almost 40 (6 months and counting) and no children? Is it possible that I simply realized at one point how selfish and immature I am? Instead of kudos for realizing this and not bringing another unwanted child in the world, I'm plagued with, "why haven't you" and "it's the best thing you can ever experience".

My mind's eye disagrees but there's always Classmates.com to argue.

For about a week I felt depressed. My husband (6 years younger mind you) had no idea what to say or what to do. Bless his vegetarian heart. So this is what he says; "Baby, I love you. You are my world and I can't imagine life without you. Stop going to Classmates.com and WebMD.com - you're not old and you're not dying of a rare blood disorder because the cut on your finger isn't healing fast enough."

I was banned from the Internet for 2 weeks. It worked and I'm fine now.

Sorry about Russert by the way. I know you liked him.

I love you."

I would never tell anyone that they're missing out by not having kids. Cause seriously. It ain't for everyone.

That's why this song pisses me off.

Complete and utter nonsense. Don't tell me people who eschew the family experience come to regret it - I know plenty of parents who are dealing with drug-addicted children who would give anything to go back in time and pull out. I love my boys more than life itself, but I know my life isn't for everyone. And that's okay.

Meaningful lives come in all shapes and forms.

Seriously. The best emails and the bestest friends. I am a lucky girl.

Outlining Reasons Not to Teach

Teaching has its rewards. Opening a kid's eyes to the extraordinary events that brought us all to this place and time. Encouraging them to think for themselves, question the conventional wisdom of the day, and get fired up about participating in the process - these ideals attract so many of us to an otherwise low-paying, thankless profession.

However, as so many teachers come to discover, the negative side of education is suffocating us all. Melanie Hubbard, a Columbia-educated professional, outlines some of the reasons in this excellent column.

She's exactly the type who needs to be in the classroom. Yet her focus, discipline, and honesty are the main reasons why she probably won't be in a public school next year.

I don't blame her. I won't be there either.

h/t Sheila

Why Are Feminists So Not Hot?

I was watching this documentary on VH-1 last night about the sexual revolution. What was I doing while watching it? Cleaning the house.

How's that for irony?

Anyway, the documentary traced the sexual revolution from its beginnings up through the sixties and seventies to where it seemed to die in the eighties.

Good ole Reagan.

They did a long section about pornography and how Ronnie was all obsessed with wiping it out - united for a change with women on the left. I noticed something about the women who were angry about porn. With Gloria Steinem as the lone exception, those women were all heavy and quite unattractive.

What's up with that?

Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with pornography, the women who star in it, the women who watch it, or the men who enjoy it all.

It's easy to think about AIDS, venereal diseases, and unwanted pregnancies and think the sexual revolution failed. But take a minute to consider that just a few years ago, women were second class citizens and now we run corporations, military units, the state department, and damn near the country.

Yes, I want to know a good place in town to buy a bathing suit, but I also want to know my rights regarding sexual harassment. Which wasn't even a well-known term back before the sexual revolution. It was just another day at the office.

I no longer need a man's signature to open a checking account.

I don't agree with the feminist movement, or the sexual revolution's fighters, regarding porn, but we're together on almost everything else. And we have come a long way, baby.

Alone Again, Naturally

So Husband is in Las Vegas on "business" and the boys are with my parents at the beach. Not real sure how to work their stereo, but otherwise getting along quite well on my own.

That's right, folks. I'm home alone in Lutz a) cleaning my parents' house as a thank-you for allowing us to hang with them for the foreseeable future, b) writing, rewriting, and revising freelance articles on, of all things, the wonderful world of finance, c) working on a memoir about my days teaching in Hillsborough County schools, d) watching anything I damn well want on television and e) doing my nails.

I also slipped out of the house to get my hair done. Walked into my old salon and Hairdresser Extraordinaire shrieked with delight.

I love it when people shriek with delight.

Then he stopped shrieking and frowned. "Your hair is dark."

"I know," I said. "Fix it."

"Honey, this isn't just a coloring job. This is a *corrective color situation.* You have to come back Thursday when I have three hours to work my magic."

I'm a *situation*. This did not make me smile, but I want it done right so I will come back on Thursday. Not his fault I let myself go all to hell out west.

As I left the salon, I thought maybe a wax would be nice. Waxer Extraordinaire was available, she works miracles, she was happy to see me back in town. Didn't get a full Brazilian because I need to get back into the swing of things *slowly*. Colorado wasn't the land of bikinis so I haven't had a wax in...how long have I been gone?

So I'm getting back to my old self gradually. Baby steps. So I won't get the bends.

Before they left, my dad asked me to move the "Obama wagon". I'd parked my vehicle out front and he wants it at least two doors down and across the street. Has a reputation to protect and all.

Cause Dad doesn't believe in baby steps. God, it's good to be back.

But I'm wondering where I can find a nice bathing suit because now that my area is acceptable for the beach, my old bathing suits from Target are falling apart and my brand new belly button won't stand for being covered up any longer.

Give me some tips and I'll go shopping tomorrow. Then later this week, after deadlines have been met and the lovely silence starts to sound too lonely, I'll crash my parents and kids at the beach with my too dark hair but a trimmed bottom and a bottle of wine. And a brand new bathing suit.

Have I mentioned it's good to be back?

McCain: When They Come Home Isn't Important

It's important to some, Old Man.



I believe beating you will be fairly easy. Bank on it. I just wish Tim Russert had lived to see it.

Why Are You Voting Republican?

What Really Happened in the Middle East

Interesting stuff.

Last Week, I Drove Through Montana.

This week, I drove through Mississippi.

In between and around, I drove through Wyoming, Idaho, Colorado, Kansas (God help me, Wichita blows and Russell, isn't that where Bob Dole is buried?), Oklahoma, Arkansas, Tennessee, Louisiana, Alabama, and finally to Florida.

I've never been so happy to see a palm tree in all my life.

And not one Confederate flag the entire trip. So that's gotta count for something.

Feels good to be back. Until my hair starts to frizz. Then I'll start b*tching about that.

And I don't want to drive anywhere again until sometime next year. Come see me instead!

Going for a dip in the pool, peeps. Believe it!

Homeward Bound

Leaving tomorrow morning at 5am for the four-day trek through Kansas, down to Memphis and Nashville, ending in beautiful downtown Lutz.

If you listen closely, you can hear Colorado Springs crying and Tampa clapping.

Or do I have that backwards?

I Can't Help It. I'm a Flirter.

"This movie isn't making you look ridiculous. You *are* ridiculous."

The older I get, the more I learn, and the more I realize I don't know much.

That's why this movie appeals to me.



Jews, Christians, Muslims... all nuts on some level. Even me. A Jewish woman who believes in the Eightfold Path and Four Noble Truths of Buddhism, but flirts with atheism almost every single day.

So that makes me less nuts because of my raging, ever-present doubt? Yes. Yes it does.

Why can't we admit our doubt? It's amazing to me that people will laugh at the idea of their Lord's face in a grilled cheese sandwich or shiver at the idea of Muslims in charge of a country, but they think it's perfectly okay for religion and state to mix in Israel and don't think anything of the belief that a burning bush talked to Moses.

I don't care what your sandwich tells you, no one really knows. Handle it. Or don't. Flirt with crazy or flirt with doubt.

Completely up to you.

While I Was Away Enjoying Reasons Why Teddy Roosevelt Would Throw Up on Modern Republicans...

I almost overlooked the fact that:

- Sex and the City was so much fun. My girls and I had good seats because seeing the film in ChristLand, where sex is sinful, has its advantages.

- the end of flag football brought with it parting gifts like children's stories and gift cards from Focus on the Family.

- it's too damn cold here.


- in order for Charlie Crist to seriously be considered for McCain's VP, he *must* immediately fall in love with an available female and decide quickly to spend the rest of his life with her. And there are neocon nitwits who actually fall for this sh*t?

- unnamed sources within the Clinton camp spread it around that she's interested in being VP, then Obama's unnamed sources tell her to take a hike, then an "official" of the Clinton campaign says she didn't want it anyway. What exactly does she want?


- a giant confederate flag flying over Tampa, plus the whole Charlie Crist thing, reminds me that as much as I miss Florida, no place is perfect.

I almost overlooked these things, but then my stepfather, Chase, and your emails brought me back to the game. Thanks peeps.

I Thought I Learned My Lesson When The Pats Broke My Heart

But apparently not because I'm so hoping for a Celtics win.

Go Boston!

Chapter 7

Because some of you are enjoying this...

"They know you eat their friends."

We met Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, and Bruce Smith at Yellowstone today.

I kept thinking, "I'm a bossy b*tch, plus I've just spent the past twelve months with New Lifers in Colorado Springs. You boys so don't scare me. Maybe I should use the word *awesome* one more time."

Husband kept thinking, "I'm the only one in this car that eats Bison Burgers on a regular basis. Roll up the window, I believe these animals sense my meat-eating ways. Why are those other cars crowding us? Oy. I'm so Jewish. And nervous."

Boys kept thinking, "We can't see anything through Mommy's hair. Can we go back to our video games?"


I love nature and wild animals from the safety of an automobile that does 0 to 60 in three seconds.

Whatever and Ever Amen

Hillary continues to irritate. McCain only pretends to support the troops and instead turns his back on those who need help through college. The Democratic Party is counting half the delegates from Michigan and Florida. I got invited to join the Side Show Tent at the convention in Denver. The. Side. Show.

My boys are finished with school and I'm done with work. Hey, we haven't seen the Tetons or Yellowstone - how 'bout we blaze for Wyoming and Montana?


Later.