Bobo On the Corner

Driving in Israel during Yom Kippur is forbidden. Check out this video taken at a busy intersection in Tel Aviv as Yom Kippur approaches - and passes. People are seen literally taking to the streets.

I've been to the Promised Land during Passover and I wanna go back again. Next time during the high holy days.

It Must Be Snack Time

Millions of anchovies committed mass suicide in a yet-unexplained beaching off the coast of Spain.


Cleanup plans were called off because Rosie O'Donnell was seen in the area with a bib and a big-ass pizza.

She said that she was sorry and I said...

I’ve been slightly sensitive lately. I know. Hardly shows.

As a result, more than a few clods have left Nike imprints on my heart. Cannot count the number of times these past few months I’ve had to say, “You hurt my feelings.” Without violins or Kleenex, I offer a rational explanation for why I can no longer stand the sight of them. Oftentimes I receive a half-hearted apology. My response is quick and just:

“Shove your sorries up your ass.”

Catchy, isn’t it?

That’s why Yom Kippur has me all messed up. This is my time to contact those I care about and offer sincere apologies for any harm I may have caused this year. I’ve always enjoyed this ritual because owning up to our mistakes and promising to do better is cathartic. On Monday Jews will fast and pray and ask God to forgive us, but first we must forgive each other.

Before the list of grievances comes rolling in, let’s be clear about a few things. I am not apologizing for political views or any inferiority complex you experience as a result. Name-calling is perfectly acceptable as far as I’m concerned. And I’m not sorry for being vegetarian, opinionated, or good in bed. Furthermore, cursing the Yankees, sending hate mail to Dick Cheney, or crushing on others isn't a sin. Perhaps demented and sad, but not sinful.

I haven’t hurt anyone that I’m aware of so hopefully I’ll hear responses such as, “I forgive you, sweet cheeks. And I’m sorry for anything I’ve done to harm you.” Then we kiss and make up. Preferably with tongue.

To those I know only from the online world and inappropriate chat rooms, I say this: Please forgive me for my faults. With a sad and heavy heart, I apologize for anything I’ve done that’s caused you a moment of harm. In my quest to elicit laughter or provoke introspection, I occasionally step on some toes. I will make every attempt to be a better person this year. Cross my heart three times.

There. We good?

Lead My Team to Sixty Wins

There are several events to dread when you're a mom and stranded in suburbia.

• children's birthday parties - these usually take place outdoors or in a laser tag arena; uncomfortable and sweaty either way
• playdates - stories about little Tara's bowel movements make an hour seem more like a 20-year death sentence; plus no one has ever heard of Maureen Dowd
• purchasing parties - 'nuff said.

Purchasing parties are the worst. No matter the theme: scrapbooking, knicknacks, cooking, or makeup - participants always resemble your mom's old bridge partners. Who wants to party with them? Most of the time, I'm looking in the back for one or two husbands playing poker. Get them off sports and onto current events, at least the conversation is interesting. And they always have beer.

Then I heard about Passion Parties. Finally, a party for women that I can get behind, in front of, and in between. Moms and single girlfriends want to come and men are even itching for an invite. Sorry boys, when we're licking Passion Powder off ourselves, you can't watch. Not for a few hours, anyway. The invitation couldn't be more clear:

I'm picky about such items and always figured it best to order online, under cover of darkness, with my husband's name so he gets the porn spam (you're welcome), but then I looked at the Passion Party stash. Turns out, I'm already a customer. Bottom right-hand corner, big fan!

So I decided to host my very own purchasing party. This won't be any ordinary event, though - some hostess hints:

• Orders take place in a separate area so no one laughs when you pick the Puny Pecker.
• I'm not allowed to do the presentations. Damn.
• No one under eighteen on the premises during said party. Arrests would stomp on my buzz.
• Serving suggestions include red wine and chocolate.
• The consultant wants a table near multiple electrical outlets. Apparently we should also have batteries on hand. Don't worry, when they ask for volunteers, I'm all over it.

Wanna come? If female and free October 14th at 7pm (or you want your girl to go) - let me know. Everyone else will have to buy the book.

I'm phony paper passing...

WARNING: Slightly offensive material ahead. Handle it.
DISCLAIMER: I mention ethnic background/race to illustrate a point. Again. Handle it.

Me (everyone's token Jewish friend): So on top of everything else, I forgot to transfer funds from my Florida account to my Colorado account and, like, four items bounced. Never did that before.

Elaine (token WASPy friend): You're kidding.

Me: No. So now I'm one of those people.

Steve (token black friend): What do you mean, 'those people'?

Barb (token gay): I've never bounced a check in my life.

Me: Those people who bounce checks.

Steve: Yeah, but like who?

Barb: *heavy sigh*

Me: People. Who. Bounce. Checks.

Steve: I got that, but who are those people that bounce checks?

Me: I don't know, Steve. People who bounce checks. That's all I meant.

Steve: Okay. For a minute, I thought you meant black people.

Me: Come on, don't be ridiculous.

*awkward pause*

Me: Black people don't have checking accounts.

See What's Happening

From The Pasco Democrats:

We have an outstanding event coming up this Friday, September 29th 2006.
The event will be at Seven Springs Country Club starting at 6:45 PM. Our
theme is "Putting Pasco First”.

We have outstanding candidates and speakers to participate in
this fundraising event including Peggy Davis the next first lady of Florida. All proceeds will be going toward helping turning out Pasco Democats at the Polls. The press will be there so we want everyone there to show our Democrat spirit!

Scheduled Guests:

Peggy Davis, Wife of Gubanatorial Candidate, Jim Davis
Phyllis Busansky, Candidate for Congressional District 9
John Russell, Candidate for Congressional District 5
Stephen Gorham, Candidate for State Senate District 10
Glenn Claytor, Candidate for State Representative District 44
Chris Hrabovsky, Candidate for State Representative District 45
Carl Zimmermann, Candidate for State Representative District 48
Donavon Brown, Candidate for State Representative District 61
Michael Cox, Candidate for County Commission District 4

We need your support to make this event a success!

Please call (727-844-3367) or buy your tickets online. You can also contact
me directly or (727-514- 6577) if you have any questions.

Another way you can help is to volunteer. We have offices on both sides
of the county now and are open on weekends and weeknights. We will try to
accommodate anyone’s schedule if they would like to volunteer. We need your
help in this critical time before the election!

Click here to Volunteer

Finally, we need your financial support. All contributions are welcome.
No amount is too small. We have a financial disadvantage in this county because
of the dictatorship rule of the Republicans and we must fight to bring change.
This money will go to fight and get our Democrat message to the people.

I'd go but it's the Sabbath. Book of Life and all...

It's Much Easier on Your Constitution

Two students came in late the other day and I sent them to get tardy passes. They came back with this handwritten note:

Ms. Robinson,

Martin and Toby* were asleep in my classroom and I was so busy I forgot they
were here. So sorry - please excuse them.

Ms. Miller*

I kid you not.
*names have been changed to protect the innocent and guilty alike

Holy This and Holy That

"Hebrew karma's a b*tch."

This is it, folks. The Days of Awe. Let's not f*ck 'em up.

I don't particularly enjoy the whole "apology" thing so I'll address that uncomfortable reality later in the week.

For those who don't know about this Jewish ritual, Stephen Colbert explains.

I know. You're looking forward to my call.

I Can't Think Straight

Love our rabbi. Really. However, was it necessary to hand out noise toys at Rosh Hashanah services? Truth be told, these toys don't even sound like shofars.

Can't quite tell if we're celebrating a new year or hunting ducks. All weekend long.

The Maestro

Joel posted this with me in mind. I just know it. Favorite idea: Letting third blouse button go.

But you knew that already, didn't you?

I'm a funky-*ss Jew

"When you wake up in the morning, don't kvetch. Say 'Yippee!'"

My kids love it when they urban-ize Judaism. Nothin' funnier than two white boys dancing around to a Lil' John parody while wearing yarmulkes.

Except this: Opened up the mail today to discover my property taxes and homeowner's insurance are increasing my mortgage by about $300/month. And then about an hour later the air conditioner broke.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Happy New Year, my ass.

As I'm about to jump off the cliff - I caught this trailer. Just in time.

We Got to Take the Power from He

A little ditty to begin your morning. Enjoy.

h/t to Sloan

One Man's Ceiling is Another Man's Floor

Opened the mailbox at home yesterday and pulled out an envelope with my name/address typed on the front. No sender's name or address though.

Hmmm... Either a freak or potential life partner.

So I opened it. Of course. And found a few goodies.

A friend from Oldsmar? Come on, some 50-year marriages have started out in weirder ways. He/She also sent some awe-inspiring business cards.



Serious questions for a serious sinner. Perhaps this future lover is familiar with my work?

And several flyers suggest health problems, everyday frustrations,

and farm work are much easier to handle with the Lord on my side. These award-winning tracts are purchased from a God-fearing website that takes most major credit cards.

I've written items over the past year that incur either the wrath of neocons or the warmth of local senior citizens. However, this is the first time I've been given the gift of eternal life.

If you're seriously freaked out, consider: I had no clue my letter appeared in print until Secret Admirer sent this care package. Read it here. The Trib and Times all in the same one-week period. Better than sex!

So anonymous religious fanatics are good for something, I suppose.

Shine Like the Sun

According to several emails and more than a few concerned phone calls - I'm full of piss and vinegar these days. So here's some good news.

-- Tuesday night, good friend Chris called to say that my old high school, where I worked last year, is probably going to share A+ money with all teachers who worked there during the 2005-2006 school year. Dandy news because in my four years with this district, I've never received A+ money. Mostly my fault for leaving Superior High School after their last "A" grade. However, teachers employed during the grading period should benefit from said grade even if they transfer to another school. I never raised a beef about it because, well, have you ever tried to pry a buck out of a teacher's hand? You're likely to get a busted lip for your effort. My old school may vote this measure down, but what's nice is the thought that several educators believe teachers who were part of the team should be compensated - despite the fact they jumped ship. And Chris thought I'd like to hear such good news personally. That's why Chris isn't on my sh*t list. Not yet anyway.

-- I got an email Wednesday morning asking me to participate in a radio program on WMNF. I didn't care if the subject was "Teachers and Alcohol: What Gives?" Count me in! Sadly, the program takes place Saturday from 10am-noon so that counts me out. Rosh Hashanah and all. You can still tune in, though (88.5 on your FM dial) and imagine all the dick and fart jokes I would have contributed to an otherwise dignified discussion.

-- Sticks of Fire, a site I'm proud to be part of, got a royal shout-out from Weekly Planet - er, Creative Loafing. Best of the Bay, baby! I'm the least of their stellar contributors, still it feels good to be on a winning team.

-- Just when I thought life couldn't get better, Bright House came out and fixed my cable in time for The Office premiere tonight. And it didn't cost me a dime. Joy! Rapture!

Yes, my house isn't selling and dead people have more platelets than I do, but Tommy might let me look at the plaque for Sticks and my boys down at The Hub might buy me a beer to celebrate. So I got that going for me.

Fresh - For You

This makes me want to move right into Phyllis Busansky's district so I can vote for her myself.

Oh, right. My house isn't selling.

Anyway, from Phyllis' campaign (emphasis added by me):

Dear Homeowner,

This Thursday the President of the United States is coming to Tampa to
campaign against me. He is charging people $1,000 for lunch and $2,100 to get a
photo with him and my opponent Gus Bilirakis.

I am fairly certain that Gus will not be asking President Bush to help
solve our homeowner insurance crisis. And I am fairly certain there will be no
discussion about our rates doubling and tripling while insurance companies are
posting record profits. In fact, I am fairly certain the insurance lobbyists
will be doling out plenty of $2,100 checks to support Gus!

So I am going to do something about it! If your homeowner insurance
rates went up by $1,000 or more, I'd like to buy you lunch – and we can discuss ways we will fight back!

And if your rates went up by $2,100 or more, you get lunch and a
photo with me! Please join me Thursday, September 21st at 1:30 PM at La
Teresita restaurant, 3246 W. Columbus Dr., Tampa (located a few blocks southeast
of Raymond James Stadium).

Please RSVP to mailto:ebarson@busanskyforcongress. or (813) 435-5103. Seating is limited because, as you know, many homeowners have suffered rate increases in excess of $1,000 thanks to state lawmakers like Gus Bilirakis.

Thank you so much,
Phyllis Busansky

If I didn't have a classroom of kids eager to roll their eyes and pass notes when I turn my back - I'd be there. Enjoy!

If You Don't Like the News, Then Press Eject

"Why you so sour?"

Well, there's this, that, and the other thing. I took our house off the market for a week so we can lower our price substantially and it still might not sell. I may be stuck in Florida until I'm old and grey.

Saw my hot hematologist last week - depleting platelets are still running for cover.

Elmo on crack is pretty funny, though. Reminds me of me on a Saturday night after too many arguments with myself.

I could go on and on, but you get the point.

Open Up Your Ears and Clean Out Your Eyes

Alex Sink is running for Chief Financial Officer. From her campaign:

Incredible as it may sound, Alex is the only candidate for Chief Financial
Officer who has any financial experience, and hers is exceptional. During her 25
years of experience in the private sector, Alex earned a solid reputation for
credibility, integrity and fair dealing. While President of Florida’s largest
bank, she managed more than $41 billion in customer deposits while supervising
more than 9,000 employees in 800 branches.

Alex has the financial leadership and experience necessary to manage Florida’s $71 billion budget and to hold both government and politicians accountable.

I know you're thinking to yourself, "Self - how can I help?" Here are a few ideas:

We want to send a strong message on November 7th about electing the most qualified candidate to protect our interests. Here are a few ways YOU can make an
immediate impact:

1. Most importantly, forward this email to everyone you know! We want to spread the word like wildfire.
2. Visit Alex’s website. Find out about the position of CFO and her qualifications. While there, signup for Alex eMail to keep in touch with the latest campaign info.
3. Donate on Alex’s secure website. Simply put, Alex is the most qualified candidate, but this race will be won on visibility. With your support Alex will be able to buy sufficient media time to get her name and qualifications in front of the electorate and will win decisively. And remember, personal contributions by Florida residents may be matched up to $250 by the state.

Alex wants to be our watchdog in Tallahassee to keep Florida government accountable.

So let's work together and make it happen.

Too Sweet to be Sour, Too Nice to be Mean

Any Heebs in the house? This one's for you.

Every year before Rosh Hashanah, synagogues send out tickets to members for High Holy Day services. Included is usually a letter that lays out the rules and regulations for attending such services. Below please find the letter I received with my additions in bold. Bold. Get it?

Dear Members and Guests:

Enclosed are your non-transferable tickets for the High Holy Day services. We're not kidding. Non-transferable means non-transferable. Cousin Louie cannot pass for your son. Not since his teeth started falling out. So tell him to purchase his own godd*mned ticket. Please bring your tickets to each service and present them to the ushers at the door. Don't make us pull a
Mossad on your ass. No will be admitted without a ticket. This isn't a charity, people, and none of you are displaced refugees anymore. We've seen the retirement funds so don't be meshugina. Anty up or stay home. If you don't have a ticket with you, you will be asked to see the Office Administrator, at the Lobby check-in desk, for entry. That happened last year to Bernie Sinkowitz and he's still on medication as a result. We will put you in the Kiddie Room and take pictures to be circulated at Erma Finklefraub's Coffee Klatch next month. Gotta talk about someone, might as well be you. Tickets are not required for children under the age of eighteen entering with their family. Except for sixteen year-old Esther Greenberg who always shows up with new piercings and a goyim boyfriend - she's not getting in this year.

We remind parents that children need to remain with their family unless reservations have been made with our sitter service. The sitter this year is Cantor Al's daughter - the one with the deviated septum - who will ignore your children and smack her gum all morning. What do you want for $2 an hour? The ushers have been instructed to return any children wandering the halls to their parents. If we have to sit through a nine-hour service, they do too.

Enclosed with your tickets this year is your new synagogue parking
sticker. Please affix it to the front windshield of your car. This sticker will
entitle you to park in our parking lot, based on availability. It will also
entitle you to dirty looks and rude comments when attending garage sales in Plant City. So good luck with that. Arrangements have been made to use the parking lot at the Mormon Meeting Hall adjacent to our property for overflow parking. Enough with the polygamy jokes. They're our friends this year. If you park in the Mormon lot, please respect their property and do not smoke when on their grounds. In turn, they promise to stop throwing leftover shrimp kebobs on our lawn. Everybody wins.

At Kol Nidre service the doors will close promptly at 8pm until the completion of the Kol Nidre prayer. Cause nothing shows the love of the Lord more than praying under lock and key.

In keeping with the decorum of the service we remind you to please turn
off pagers and cell phones before entering the building. That means you, Dr. Klein. Loudly discussing a patient's adverse reactions to augmentation on your cell phone is inappropriate. Let us enjoy a good Shofar blowing in peace.

At the conclusion of Yom Kippur services on Monday, October 2, you are cordially invited to attend a modest Break the Fast of challah, wine and juice cause nothing satisfies starvation like stale bread and sugar-saturated wine.

On behalf of the Board of Directors, we look forward to greeting you at
High Holy Day services, reminding you about unpaid dues and critiquing your clothes and kids.

L'Shana Tova Tikatayvu. Bitch.

Here's hoping we all are inscribed in the Book of Life before it slams shut and we're sh*t out of luck.

Gotta Lighten Up Right Now

I’m sick of inter-religious conflict. Click here for a good summary as to why.

If the pope or the rest of the world is “ignorant of Islamic history and culture” and mistakenly believes that Islam is spread through violence, guess whose fault that is?

One f*cking guess. Make it a good one.

Taken with his speech as a whole, Pope Benedict XVI said nothing wrong. And he certainly said nothing that justifies violence against anyone else. I don’t care what The New York Times says about the subject.

Most people in the western world (read: Christians) would say that they know little about the Koran. I know this – the Koran has more than a few lines calling for violence against non-believers. These calls for war against infidels are quoted by terrorists and used as justification for killing innocent people.

Americans in turn use this as justification for discriminating against Muslims, detaining innocent Muslim people, etc. Such fools are hypocrites as well. If the Koran is guilty of inciting violence (and it is) then so is the Torah and the Christian Bible as well.

If God is timeless and all knowing – how is it that the Bible contains passages that condone, even endorse, slavery? What about the parts of the Torah calling on parents to kill their children for not observing the Sabbath? It’s enough to make any moderate, thinking, clear-headed Jew or Christian throw up. And then begin to question the very existence of God.

A friend once said that those sections were simply reflections of the times in which they were written. That’s an intellectually dishonest argument. If those unfavorable sections are not God’s word, perhaps none of it is. Perhaps all three holy books are reflections of an earlier, barbaric time and that’s it. Parables and stories. Nothing more.

I don’t know. Part of why I like Judaism is its emphasis on the history of a people. Our holidays are more a celebration of historical events and traditions than the mumbo-jumbo of religious magic. Mumbo-jumbo is a part of each event, don't get me wrong, but not the emphasis. I used to say that “Jewish atheist” was an oxymoron. I don’t think that way anymore. Now, don’t get excited, Ma. I’m not an atheist. All I’m saying is – shit’s unclear.

I don’t understand people who say: I escaped death on 9/11 (or any other tragedy) because God was looking out for me. Really? Then why the F*CK wasn’t he looking out for the other three thousand people that day? Misguided folks who credit God with the good – do they in turn blame God for the bad? They must or their thinking wouldn’t make any sense at all. Not that making sense is a goal of the religious. Not anytime. Not anywhere.

Ancient Hebrews took a good idea, monotheism, and Christians ran with it. The goal was to reform a barbaric world. Take a look around. Did we achieve that goal or make it worse? The answer is a tough one. But guess which way I’m leaning. Just one f*cking guess. Make it a good one.

Yo Baby; What's Up?

I don't go out too often. Several reasons.

The terms “acting-single mom” and “barfly” don’t really go together. Or maybe they do and I want to fight the cliché. Although one might suspect that lurking in a poorly lit facility filled with drinkers might make me more approachable, one would be wrong. I mean, have you seen my hair? Therefore I usually stay home with my two favorite men, Ben and Jerry, and watch the latest Owen Wilson film in peace. And peruse the Internet. But I digress.

Saturday night I braved the elements and dragged my friend Lynda along to The Blue Shark. Tommy was there with JGLB – and that alone is worth the trip from Wesley Chapel to Ybor City. Hell, I’d drive to Orlando just to see this group of guys sing and play their hearts out while scantily clad women gyrate in front of (and sometimes on) the stage. I especially love when Johnny and Tommy synchronize their dance moves. Too cute and I just wanna jump up there and squeeze them.



Brett walked right up and said hello. Even introduced me to his woman. Of course, this occurred before humidity hit me. Brett then dragged us upstairs where I met David Pinero and heard his theories on Internet revenue. Imagine my surprise when this mild-mannered man later busted a move on the dance floor. Few more beers in me and I’d have joined him.

Then I turned around and met these women.



For a second I thought my synagogue was sponsoring a “Roman Revelry” party somewhere on 7th Avenue. Turns out Carmine’s hosted Toga Night and these girls only looked like my mother-in-law’s Mah Jong partners. The resemblance was uncanny.

There is something admirable about ladies who have nipples that point to the ground, yet possess more body confidence than I ever will. Even after my plastic surgery procedure this June, I doubt I will feel as comfortable dancing in public as these delightful dames.

Check out the heart.



God love her.

Years ago, I used to drink alcohol through a straw because 1) it made American beer taste better; 2) it made American men taste better; 3) my lipstick lasted longer; and 4) funneling in public is frowned upon. Glad to see this habit is making a comeback.



As midnight approached, Lynda and I headed home. I look forward to future dates with Brett, David, and Brett’s super-cute sweetie. Tommy is always a charmer – I’d even pay a cover charge next time! And that saxophone player from the first band was hot. Of course, if I were truly single, the only action I’d see would be from this guy. I just know it.



Reason enough to stay married.

Down With the Program

Apparently Skip Campbell, Democratic candidate for Attorney General, is on the case and raisin' hell about property insurance. He even went to Tallahassee with local home builders, realtors and homeowners to ask the Governor to convene a special session. Like now.

C'mon Skip - sell my house!

Apparently he's all over the radio about this issue. Click here to hear Senator Campbell's ideas. He urged a rejection of yet another round of rate hikes by insurance companies and called for such companies to fully disclose their financial records before they try to get even more money out of our pockets.

To Put You in the Right Mood

Dug this out of my oldest son's backpack.

Life is good, no?

Light a Match to My *ss Cause I'm Blowin' Up

The Tampa Tribune published my op-ed about the anniversary of 9/11 on Wednesday. They also printed one of my "ugly" pictures alongside it. Be thankful the pic isn't included in the link.

Shabbat Shalom.

Gratitude

"Poor George, he can't help it. He was born with a silver foot in his mouth."



Ann Richards was an inspiration. Plus she proved (along with Addison) that something good comes from Texas. Rest in peace.

Ann Richards on How to Be a Good Republican:
1. You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday's gasoline prices are all Clinton's fault.
2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect Social Security checks on time.

Feel free to add your own.

h/t to Pasco Dems

Alright Hear This

Normally, I don't post about Garage Sale Events. Gotta reputation to think about. There are plenty of blogs devoted to garage sales, scrapbooking and trading recipes with like-minded mommies.

I'm not one of them.

However, when it comes to Addison, aren't we willing to break the rules? After all, he is registering to vote so he can pull the metaphorical lever for Jim Davis. Go Addison! Plus, he lives in my old neighborhood. Right around the corner from where Becky and I first met back in 1982. Someday soon I will take him on a little tour of that area and show him all the places where our firsts occurred. I know. We'll take pictures.

Head over there this weekend and buy a bowl. Tell him Katie sent ya.

Party People Goin' Places on the D Train

I want the following printed on a t-shirt: Jack Says Don't be a Dog. Vote Davis for Governor.

Check out Elizabeth's dog, Jack.




From campaign headquarters. An event or two. UPDATE: Davis picks Daryl Jones.

Thursday, September 14, 2006, Democratic nominee for governor Jim Davis will
kick off a statewide tour with his choice for Lt. Governor. Together, they will
continue Davis’s campaign to bring new, independent leadership in Tallahassee
that’s on the side of Florida’s families on issues like: improving education,
skyrocketing property insurance rates, managing our growth and strengthening
Florida’s economy. Please come out to meet the next governor and lieutenant
governor of the state of Florida!

9:30 am
New, Independent
Leadership to Improve Florida Schools
Broward Main Library
100 S.
Andrews Ave. 8th floor (Rooms 8A and 8B)
Ft. Lauderdale, FL

11:30 am
New, Independent Leadership to Address Rising Property Insurance Costs
Jet Aviation
Palm Beach International Airport
1515 Perimeter Road
West Palm Beach, FL

2:00 pm
New, Independent Leadership to
Manage Florida’s Growth
I-4 Pedestrian Bridge
Lake Mary, FL(Park in
Parking lots on the 930th block of International Parkway)

4:45 pm
New, Independent Leadership to Strengthen Florida’s Economy
Renaissance
Steel
2900 E. 7th Ave.
Tampa, FL

Rock and roll.

Cause You Know It's Got Clout To It

It's a trip, it's got a funky beat, and I can bug out to it.

Kickin' the New Knowledge

Is our view of God an indication of anything other than our view of God?

A new study by USA Today says such a view is a good indication of how we vote. The study concludes that there are four Gods from which to choose: Authoritarian, Benevolent, Critical or Distant. Seriously? I feel like the only vegan at a barbecue begging for another option. From the study:

• The Authoritarian God (31.4% of Americans overall, 43.3% in the South) is
angry at humanity's sins and engaged in every creature's life and world affairs.
He is ready to throw the thunderbolt of judgment down on "the unfaithful or
ungodly," Bader says. Those who envision God this way "are religiously and
politically conservative people, more often black Protestants and white
evangelicals," Bader says.

•The Benevolent God (23% overall, 28.7% in
the Midwest) still sets absolute standards for mankind in the Bible. More than
half (54.8%) want the government to advocate Christian values. But this group,
which draws more from mainline Protestants, Catholics and Jews, sees primarily a
forgiving God, more like the father who embraces his repentant prodigal son in
the Bible, Froese says.

•The Critical God (16% overall, 21.3% in the
East) has his judgmental eye on the world, but he's not going to intervene,
either to punish or to comfort. "This group is more paradoxical," Bader says.
"They have very traditional beliefs, picturing God as the classic bearded old
man on high. Yet they're less inclined to go to church or affiliate seriously
with religious groups. They are less inclined to see God as active in the world.
Their politics are definitely not liberal, but they're not quite conservative,
either."

•The Distant God (24.4% overall, 30.3% in the West) is "no
bearded old man in the sky raining down his opinions on us," Bader says.
Followers of this God see a cosmic force that launched the world, then left it
spinning on its own. This has strongest appeal for Catholics, mainline
Protestants and Jews. It's also strong among "moral relativists," those least
likely to say any moral choice is always wrong, and among those who don't attend
church, Bader says.

Never one to leave anybody out, I wonder about those who would choose none of the above? This article suggests atheists are smarter. Smarter or just cynical? I'm not sure such a choice says anything at all. I only know one real, honest-to-goodness atheist and he's as smart, morally sound and screwed up as the rest of us.

I don't like any of these labels. And I don't agree that a study produced by Baptists is correct in its entirety. We're trying to predict voting habits based on belief, skin color or socio-economic status. Do we want to understand each other or swing an election?

She's On It

I've got a broken microwave and clothes dryer. Ordered the parts, yet my man is in Colorado. I can barely change a lightbulb. This is the perfect job for NakeDan the Handyman!



Alas, Dan doesn't do appliances. Are there any naturalists out there who might want the job instead? My girlfriends and I will eat dinner, watch you work your magic, stare and make inappropriate comments. Sounds like a dream job, no?

You can't throw a rock in Pasco County without hitting a nudist colony; surely someone in there's gotta know how to work a drill.

Kick It Over Here Baby Pop

The sudden silence is deafening. Is everyone on vacation? Primary Day was over a week ago, people, let's get with the program.

After perusing my favorite candidates' websites last night, I noticed their "Events" pages look as pathetic as my social calender circa 1983. This is usually Joel's area, but Skippy, what's up with the blog?

There's gotta be at least one local shindig this weekend. An event or two where I can roam around with a drink in one hand, camera in the other - just waiting to pounce on Argyle Sock Man. Happenings that allow me to rate hot men, causing alarmed family members to call Husband and offer unsolicited advice. Fundraisers where dirty dancing is not only accepted, it's encouraged. I promise to be kind. Sorta.

Everyone knows my number so help me help you. Like now.

We Didn't Give In

Five years ago, Thomas Tong was murdered while working at the World Trade Center in New York City. He was thirty-one years old.

For a complete list of victims and the websites honoring them, click here.

Since 9/11, We're Still Livin'

Parents prepare for certain questions when their children begin elementary school. My husband and I were no different, role-playing routines for the inevitable “Where do babies come from?” and “Is there really a tooth fairy?” However, nothing prepared me for last week’s inquiry.

“Mommy, do you know what happened on September 11th?”

My twin sons were eighteen months old on 09.11.01.



Only six now, I hadn’t thought about discussing the particular horrors of 9/11 with them. Not yet anyway. When they’re older, I will take out newspaper clippings, magazine articles and even a few documentaries that might help explain the events of that day. For now, my child's simple question stumped me. As I drove home, no quick or comforting answers came to mind. We pulled into our driveway and I turned around to face them.

“Yes, sweetie, I know about September 11th,” I finally said. “Do you?”

My youngest son nodded.

“Bad men flew airplanes into New York City,” he said.

That’s certainly part of the story. My eyes filled with tears as I wondered what to add. As always, they were looking to me for more.

“It was a sad day,” I whispered.

I don’t know anyone who looks forward to the time when we have to explain evil to our children. My boys know about strangers and bullies. They are frightened enough by imaginary villains like The Green Goblin. I want to postpone introducing real-life bad guys who will illicit nightmares not easily forgotten; yet, I don’t have much of a choice. Friends and teachers are opening up a new and sometimes scary world and I must be available for comment. So I told my children about the sadness of that September morning.

They wanted to know why bad men hate America and I told them truthfully,"I don't know."

I also talked about real heroes, fire fighters and police officers, who rushed to save people. I focused on how we came together as a nation afterward with a renewed love for our country. After our talk, both boys were silent for a while. They looked like little men, contemplating the shock we all felt five years ago. Then my youngest was ready to go out in the backyard and play.

My oldest hugged me and said, “I bet if the Fantastic Four had been in New York, nothing bad would have happened.”

I returned his hug without saying a word, letting him be a little boy just a little while longer.

What's That Noise?

Statements I’ve made at least 25 times this weekend alone:

• That’s gonna leave a scar.
• Walking feet!
• If I have to come in there one more time, I’m knocking a tooth loose.
• Yes, you have to go to Hebrew school. No, it won’t kill you.
• Eat over your plate, please. Mommy cleans enough.
• Ouch. That had to hurt.
• Because Friday night services are more important than football.
• Take a breath, kid. My ears hurt.
• Okay, one more hug.
  

And last, but not least:

• I love you, too, cutie pie. More than you know.

I'm in Your Crawl Space

Husband: Did you catch Katie’s website the other day?

Relative Who Shall Remain Nameless: No, I forgot how to find it.

Husband: Seriously?

Relative: Okay, I’ll be honest with you. Her writings upset me.

Later, Husband relates the above story and asks, incredulously: Can you believe that?

Me: Oh, sure. Happens all the time.

Case in point.

********************

Me: Did you see my post on…

Cousin: No way. I’ve been through three military conflicts and yet, if I read one more rant about your intestinal movements, I might just have to apply for post-traumatic stress disorder.

********************

Me: Did you read what I wrote about you?

Sibling: No because you always twist my words and besides, I’m not comfortable with the sex talk. Not comfortable with that at all.

********************

Me: How about that comment on my site about…

Parent: I don’t read anymore. You hardly mention me.

********************

People have opinions and I am generally receptive to criticism. Yes, I love those who read and comment more than those who don’t. However, I try not to hold it against the sissies. They need love, too.

I continue to get feedback from concerned loved ones about something I’ve written that rubs the wrong way. So I know a few family members are still reading. I always promise to “think about it” before stubbornly refusing to change. Some disagree with my words while others can't take my political point of view. Can you believe there are some out there who object to pictures of my breasts?

Oh, to hell with them.

Unite

These are the Florida Dems in my area who need your support. Less than two months to go!

• Jim Davis
• John T. Russell
• Walter "Skip" Campbell

There may be a few runoffs as well - I'll get into those later. If I'm missing anything, let me know. See you on the campaign trail!

I Want to Enjoy The Fruits of My Labor

What do you say if you walk out of a dressing room wearing this...



and you hear one of your students yell: "Ms. Robinson - I didn't know you shopped at Frederick's!"

Hit It

Davis and Crist are statistically tied.

In this recent poll, Crist is still polling less than fifty percent and
with a lead inside the margin of error, even though:

• Crist began airing TV ads more than two months before Davis did.
• A battle-tested Davis successfully weathered a $5 million dollar smear
  campaign funded by special interest.
• Davis defeated a popular, dynamic candidate in a hard-fought primary, while
  Crist coasted to victory over a candidate who struggled to get traction.

This means that as Davis begins the process of unifying the Democratic Party,
his position against Crist will only strengthen.

Here we go.

New York, New York - It's a Hell of a Town

What's a mom to do? My little boys are baseball fans. They also enjoy the movies. So when a movie about baseball is released, well, what could be better?

My Boston boys cheering on a character who's made it his mission to retrieve Babe Ruth's bat?

Say it ain't so.

Time to Get Ill

Back in the late 80s and early 90s, we would celebrate a Jim Davis victory at The Valencia Restaurant. Just a few dozen supporters getting tanked and defending our principles against regulars who wanted to discuss a Ross Perot presidency. Ahh, the good old days. Last night we were at the Tampa Hilton surrounded by a few hundred supporters and over twenty media types. Upside: so many arguments; Downside: so little time.

Overall the night was enjoyable. I would have preferred valet parking because Manolos and a slippery parking lot do not go well together. (By "Manolos" I mean "Nine Wests". Too bad I forgot my camera because, in or out of discounted shoes, my feet don't take a bad picture.) I complained to someone about upgrading to the Hyatt next time, but was quickly reminded we are Democrats and can park our own damn Hybrids. Thanks for setting me straight, Congressman.

As you read about last night's adventure, please cut me some slack. I'm operating on three and a half hours of sleep, plus I don't believe in caffeine. You do the math.

Highlights:

- Bubba, famous local activist, is always a source of quality entertainment. From his pin-striped suit and matching fedora to the sight of his three hundred pound frame squeezing past everyone else in the food line to get "good chicken pieces", the man is a hoot. I especially enjoyed his ideas on pheromones and the roll they play in our prison system. I should elaborate but wouldn't want to ruin the surprise. His book will be out any day now.

- Davis staffers Matt and Reggie were too busy to say hello properly; however, Toupee Man with a walkee-talkee in his pocket and speech style that screams special needs had all the time in the world to talk. Of course. He insisted "we have to beat Christ in November" (relax, he meant Crist) and wouldn't stop breathing on me until I pointed at all the free food. Perhaps I need to rethink my own personal rule of making eye contact with everyone in a room.

- Speaking of eye contact, if anyone knows the name of that hottie in a blue, Jim Davis tank top with the Mediterranean nose (can't hide the hook) and Greg Brady hair (think: Hawaii years) - let me know. Always in the market for another guy to Google. And by "Google", I mean...

- Joel and his lovely wife (who has a name, but I won't be the one to divulge such personal information here) were my companions for most of the night. They encouraged me with their laughter and funny opinions about exclamation points. And they like me even though my shoes didn't match my purse. We are progressive after all.

- I was excited to see old friends from what my husband refers to as the years I smelled bad. However, Suzanne seemed happy to see me. She never did mind my patchouli oil or my rants about redistributing wealth. Suzanne rocks that way.

- Enjoyed watching politicians work the crowd. None better than Phyllis(!) Busansky, Pam Iorio, and Bill McBride. (Remember him?) And don't get me started on staff members and the way they work the crowd. Two words: dirty dance-off.

- Kyle and Curt (Kurt?) are keepers. That's all there is to it.

- Elizabeth continues to give Land O' Lakes a good name. Someone has to. The rest of the Pasco County crew was there and I even got to meet a real, honest-to-goodness Secular Humanist. Who likes my ass. (Bumper sticker that is.)

Gonna take a Bueller the day after the general election. Cause Joel, Elizabeth, Kyle, Matt, Reggie, Amanda, Tank Top Boy and I are goin' all night next time. Bet on it.

Smokin' and Drinkin' on a Tuesday Night

Jim Davis smoked the competition and officially became our candidate for governor last night.

More about the party when I wake up...

People Come Together Now

For some, today is the culmination of hard work, tenacity, and years of kissing babies, retirees, and the occasional ass. For others, today is just the beginning.

Primaries are upon us. Can you feel the excitement in the air?

I enjoy politics and the theatre of it all. Nothings says fun to me like getting up early, heading to the polls, mixing it up with neighbors over the price of gas and property taxes and then exercising my right, my responsibility, my vote. I’m high all day afterward. Then I watch the returns and go to bed (no, not depressed) proud to be an American. This is a glorious process and much more meaningful than just wearing red, white, and blue on Independence Day. Better than posting a flag on your truck. Better than blasting Toby Keith songs. Better than sex! Well, let’s not get carried away.

My point is this – please consider your community and, if you haven’t already, vote. These good people who want to serve as your governor, judge, county commissioner, school board member, or representative will influence your lives more so than a contestant on American Idol or even the President of the United States.

So act accordingly.

This year I won’t be voting on Primary Day. Due to Joel’s thought-provoking thesis and the threat of a child’s cold, I decided to vote early. Still felt wonderful and I plan to celebrate Jim Davis’ victory tonight at the Tampa Hilton. No matter your side, celebrate with us this evening. In many parts of the world, choosing leaders is an unrealized dream.

Fellow Democrats, all two of you, today also marks the end of our family squabble. We must come together tomorrow, after some aspirin and strong coffee (hold the sugar), to gear up for the general election only two short months away. Remember we're on the same team.

Can hardly wait.

Always Got My Windows Rolled Down

I used to drive a minivan while my husband tooled around town in a station wagon. I know. We're hot. The minivan gets up and down mountains better so we switched. Now husband is cruising Colorado Springs with a bumper sticker that proudly proclaims:


The lesbians love him. I am looking for new bumper love and can't decide between:

or

Decisions, decisions.

h/t to Sha and Addison

I Said Ooh My My and Thank You Ma'am

Got a flyer in my mailbox at school that asks:

Is there a high-priced item or several supplies that you'd like for your classroom or office? Submit a list to the principal and your SAC team will make it happen!

Are they serious? Okay. For starters, how about a fully-stocked bar? Lotsa clean glasses. Then I'll take a pencil sharpener, if you know what I mean. (winkwinknudgenudge) There's also a certain vibrating chair that my co-workers would like to develop a personal relationship with. Throw in free lollipops for life and I'll never move to Colorado.

Is that too much to ask?

Pay Attention

I wonder if this guy is gonna be at the Hilton Tuesday night.



Not Rod. This guy.



Give me some sugar, daddy.

No Booze Allowed

This week at school, a bit of rain terrified administration and, as a result, we had an extended period where kids went to lunch one building at a time. While others ate, the rest of the kids stayed in class and teachers barked "pipe down" every few minutes. I listened to my students' conversations and wept for the future. As my brother would say: A heavy scene.

Hungry kids say the darndest things:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I don't believe in God, but I'm not an atheist because I have a spiritual side."
"What does that mean?"
"It means I believe in heaven."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"There's this guy who'll pay you a million dollars if you can prove there wasn't a bomb in the World Trade Center before the planes hit. I'm going to New York after graduation and get me some of that."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"If we evolved from monkeys, how come they're not still changing into humans?"
"Cause we hunt monkeys."
"Nobody eats monkeys. Why would we hunt them?"
"I've never heard of monkey season."
"That's a lie. We did come from monkeys."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I ain't never gonna marry a woman that's buffer than me. Cause I'd never hit her so I'd probably end up in one of those shelters."
"You'd be the only guy."
"That'd be a good place to find another girlfriend."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"They can make a woman who's five feet at least 5 feet 7 with just a few operations. So I figure someone can take a few bones from my spinal column and make me shorter."
"They can't make you taller. Otherwise short people wouldn't be short anymore."
"They can! I saw it on Ripley's Believe It or Not."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Then they started comparing Adam Sandler films. And all was right with the world.

Lookin' at my Gucci, It's About that Time

I usually wait until Election Day to cast my ballot; however, just to be on the safe side, I voted today. The old man outside couldn't get the "I Voted Touchscreen" sticker on fast enough. Grandpa didn't need glasses - just two good hands and some old-fashioned instinct. Did a fine job, no?



Nothing gets a Saturday evening going like the old "pulling of the lever."

Holla Back, Challah Bread

All right, who's in? So many movies, so little time. John Lennon, Jesus, and now Al Franken. (Question: Which of the three would make an outstanding Senator?)

And if you're interested in screening a flick about Iraq, invite me!

In related news, Jim Davis was endorsed by the Jewish Journal.

Contrary to a filer campaign by some Smith supporters, Davis is a friend of
Israel, as he has proven in his congressional votes, trips to the Middle East
and knowledge of Israeli business and technologies.

However should I celebrate tonight? Well, this bottle of Manischewitz from last year's Pesach celebration isn't going to finish itself. Oy.

"Naturally, I would say, it's the wine."

When the phone rings past ten on a Friday night, my heartbeat quickens and I reach for the Nokia with breathless anticipation. I also do a quick inventory: Wine? Check. Music? Of course. Good news all the way around.

"Hello?"

Oh, it's about politics. A funny video that sums up Rod Smith and his hypocrisy and don't I wanna watch it? Of course I do. No reason to put the wine away. Like I said, good news all the way around. Check it out for yourself and enjoy.

*Clink*

Something's Got To Give

Are you a part of it or not? Umm...not.

"This does go well with the chicken."

Final debate between Rod Smith and Jim Davis was scheduled for tonight, but Rod Smith decided he'd rather not. Seems that showing up for a slap-down didn't fit into his schedule.

Rod's almost out of money and time. See you on the other side, Squatters.