Seriously...

Is Moving Into a New House Always So Chaotic?

This past weekend we officially became residents of Colorado Springs. Bought a house and all. Bribed friends with beer and pizza so they'd help us transfer worldly goods from storage to living facility.

Plus I offered enlightening conversation.

Example: "I've never seen an electric screwdriver before. How does it work?"

Just in time to save my brain from melting, we finally got Internet service yesterday. Back to blogging while learning how to use the DirectTV remote and decipher maps so I can find my way around the corner without losing my mind.

Especially fun - this god-forsaken area of the planet doesn't post mailboxes out in front of the homes. We have to go down the street where there's this silver box-like contraption. Apparently I must insert a key and unlock the box to retrieve mail.

Ran into several neighbors this way. Who seemed slightly judgmental at all the threatening collection notices from St. Joseph's Hospital and unusual packages from Passion Toys Inc.

Housewarming gifts and all.

Standing there, trying to get my key in the hole, brought me back to college. We'd all stumble toward the community mailbox, hung over and blinking from the oppressive sun, looking for that check from parents who wish we'd self-support already.

Except instead of Lollapalooza shirts, we're now wearing robes and sipping bourbon-laced Starbucks.

Good times.

Gotta register the kids for school today. Now which of the nineteen boxes holds their birth certificates...

While I'm looking for paperwork, do something productive:

If you run a website, consider joining the Fox Attacker Coalition.

My kids are complaining that the PlayStation doesn't work. Great. That means I'll have to *talk* to them.

Where's that f*cking screwdriver?

Bio Dad Reaches Out

Little over a year ago, my biological father reached out and googled me. Been in touch ever since. Just random, slightly superficial emails.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine and dandy. You?"

That sort of thing.

Until last week.

Greetings,
It was my intention to speak to you in person at some point Katie, and ask you to try and forgive me for my most disgraceful, selfish, disrespectful and insulting display of what it means to be a man and a father. I'm not trying to become part of your family Katie, as I gave that right up long before I left. I'm not going to discuss what I've done with my life since because quite honestly that does not have anything to do with what I did to you, your Mother, Sister and Brother. Most of the lessons I've learned during my life have been learned the hard way, but that is the path the Alcoholic will always choose. This is not one of the Alcoholic Twelve Steps, nor is there any other meaning and/or message in this request. This is simply an attempt on my part to tell you how truly sorry I am for my behavior that I alone exhibited and am responsible for all those many, many years. As I stated in the beginning, I was hoping to do this in person at some point, but I don't think that will ever happen. But, being a recovering Alcoholic means I will live a lot longer then I would have If I kept drinking. God does have a wonderful and yet, sometimes, strange sense of humor. I will live everyday with the knowledge that I alone destroyed the most perfect gift I will ever receive, your Mother. From that gift came three very precious gifts, you, Sister and Brother. I am sorry Katie.
Peace and love, Dad

I know, right? Needed a drink. But felt that response just slightly irresponsible. Given the whole "history of alcoholism" thing.

Wrote this instead.

It's very nice of you to write and express yourself this way. The past has passed and no matter what has happened in my life, good or bad, all of it brought me here and made me who I am.

I've always noticed that my friends with "perfect" dads went on to make some lousy choices in men. I think I learned early on what alcohol can do and as a result, married someone who doesn't touch the stuff. Ever. So many people have said to Husband, "Oh, are you recovering?" Turns out, he just never developed a taste for it. Genetics or something. Anyway, it was part of why he appealed to me. I might not have appreciated it had I not had that lesson early on.

Sleep peacefully knowing that I can't look back and curse those things that have shaped me; I can only forgive those who feel they have wronged me and hope that those whom I have wronged extend to me that same forgiveness.

In other words: it's all good. I have nothing but kind thoughts toward you and wish for your happiness. You sound like you took a great turn and are helping others to see the light. So proud!

Please keep in touch,
Katie

No real point to this post except - if a family member reaches out, reach back.

Period.

Just be prepared for awkward exchanges and emotional re-attachments. Especially if you post the conversation on your website.

The First Unity08 Vote

More and more Americans are expressing their frustration with the direction of the country.

We want more choices and more opportunities to be heard. Can Unity08 change American politics for the better?

Only if millions of Americans get involved in the ranking and discussing of crucial issues, drafting of top leaders, and the nomination of a candidate team to run on the Unity08 ticket.

Influence the direction here.

Tell Congress: Support the Fair Elections Now Act

Clean elections systems have worked in Arizona, Maine and elsewhere. If we want progress on national issues, it's time for public financing of congressional campaigns.

The Fair Elections Now Act will restore public confidence in the election process by allowing qualified candidates to receive campaign funds from the Senate Fair Elections Fund instead of asking for money from private interests. In return, participating candidates would voluntarily agree to limit their campaign spending to the amount allocated to them.

This voluntary alternative to privately financed campaigns will free candidates from the all-consuming money chase that taints public perceptions of elected officials. Candidates could instead devote their time and energy to talking with constituents about the issues that are important to them.

Click here to ask your Senators to sign on to the Fair Elections Now Act.

The "F" Word

My friend Dawn, from Tampa, recently posed some interesting questions.

1. Please define feminism and who in Tampa Bay you consider a feminist.
2. Who are the women you admire, such as a role model or community leader?
3. What do you feel is the biggest issue concerning women right now?

Here are my answers.

1. Feminism is the belief that women and men are equal - politically, socially, and economically. Right now feminism is a theory. Lots of women are working toward the reality, though, in between wine tastings and reruns of Sex and the City.

Most of my friends back in Florida are feminists - teachers, nurses, businesswomen, writers, political activists, full-time moms, and socialites. My mother is a nurse and taught me how to be a strong, independent feminist. She's also Catholic and pro-life. Which is part of why I'm such a big tent kind of girl.

And despite the fact that I now reside in Colorado Springs, I consider myself a Tampa Bay feminist, too.

2. I admire Bay-area community leaders like Phyllis Busansky and Pam Iorio, writers and activists like Dawn Morgan and Elizabeth Lucas. As far as role models, I admire all the Special Ed teachers at Sickles High School.

Plus my mom rocks - even though she doesn't read my site. Claims it upsets her stomach. I try to tell her it's all those dead animals she eats. But she doesn't listen to me either.

3. The biggest issue facing women is the lack of affordable health care. As a result, this is also the biggest issue facing our country.

Those are my thoughts.

Feel free to add your own two cents. Especially if you have breasts and a vagina.

Told you. Sites like mine are a great place to pick up chicks.

Tell EPA To Cut Smog Pollution

Smog pollution is a serious danger to the health of millions of Americans.

But, the EPA has recently proposed to only marginally strengthen smog standards and has even inexplicably left the door open to leaving the standards unchanged.

Take action: Tell the EPA to strengthen air quality standards to protect millions of Americans from exposure to dangerous levels of smog pollution.

Which Is Worse? Take Your Pick

Max Blumenthal has exposed deluded thinkers before - more recently at a conference of College Republicans.

Some things never change. Anyone whose ever been to a fraternity party knows that conservative college boys lack logic and their girlfriends, who will literally bend over backwards to please them, do so without grace. Future alcoholic used-car salesmans and trophy wives.

Their parents must be so proud.

Then there's the newest video regarding Christians United for Israel. I'm never surprised by the Left Behind fanatics and their thinly-veiled anti-Semitic views. Even when those views are wrapped in an Israeli flag.

But Joseph Lieberman is an embarrassment and a shame. He just gets worse as he gets older.

Watch it anyway and wait for the end - Molly Shannon's moves are *smokin'.*

h/t Danny

Step 5: Talk To Your Retailer

Remember our energy revolution?

This week we're taking on the other half of the lightbulb selling equation - retailers. We need to get these energy wasting lightbulbs off the store shelves!

For this step, have a chat with your local retailer. Let them know you won't be buying any more energy wasting lightbulbs. Ask your local store to stop selling them.

Click here for talking points and a printable fact sheet.

Fact: Less than 10 percent of the energy used by incandescent lightbulbs is converted into light - the rest is turned into heat. Over 90 percent waste! It's like selling a defective product.

Attended a Fun Meeting at The Denver Press Club With My Children

That's right. With my children. So what if I told them it was a UFC event in order to get them out the door?

No judgments.

Our celebrated panel - Bobby Clark, Dan Haley, and Wendy Norris - discussed old v. new media and ways online bloggers are f*cking up the program for The Denver Post.

After about ten minutes, my kids knew the smackdown I'd promised was a big fat lie. And they were not happy.

Despite lack of interest from two seven year-olds, great turnout for a mid-day media talk. Lots of thought-provoking topics, which is why I found it surprising that Wendy Norris took time to rant against sites different from her own. We only had an hour and several times she suggested profanity, less-than-stellar writing and piss-poor fact checking should lead to rejection of these annoying websites. And yet someone is still reading them.

Ouch. What's her f*cking point?

If less serious sites are so clearly beneath her - why spend time legitimizing their existence? The woman went on too long trying to convince a roomful of work-dodgers that blogs operating outside journalism's rules should therefore only be frequented for entertaining conversation. As if such sites are somehow inferior.

Perhaps they are. Still. Great place to pick up chicks.

Wendy's wasting her time. Sites that post lies or can't articulate a compelling voice don't attract many readers or attention. From someone other than the writer's grandma. They may continue to annoy but real readers go elsewhere. So stop obsessing and learn to ignore what you can't understand.

Works for me and Lindsay Lohan.

Dan Haley brought up an interesting point - reporters and writers for mainstream media cannot be anonymous. Their names, email addresses and real hair color are available for all to see and ridicule. They are therefore more reliable. Because they can be b*tchslapped at the local mall.

At this point, my kids were arguing over a Nintendo game. Seated near the front, I began to sweat like a whore in church. If memory serves. So I promised them sugar cookies if they'd sit still, stay quiet and leave each other alone for ten minutes. I know. Mommy of the Year.

Whenever I've disclosed the hatemail received or that time someone fired burning tennis balls at my house - someone somewhere has suggested I use a fake name or take my picture down. (Mostly my sister. And mother. And Carol at work. ) But I stand behind what I write and refuse to hide behind a mask. Besides - my picture attracts a certain element.

Beastie Boys fans who write love songs to the tune of "Funky Monkey." Priceless.

Anyway, Dan has a point. I read lots of sites where the writers blog their anonymous hearts out. Doesn't make their views less legitimate. Just take them with a grain of salt. They don't back up their words with a name or face and as a result, aren't as trustworthy as those who do.

That's a real nice way of saying I rock.

At one point, Bobby Clark summarized the general notion of a blogger. And, in between dodging dirty looks from my children, I tried not to laugh out loud. Seems we are a lonely bunch - posting in our parent's basement in the middle of the night and have never even been felt up. Bobby also said that we want, more than anything, to be seen as *smart*.

Nonsense. Most of us would settle for *that writer with the hot ass.*

Speaking of hot ass, at the event's end, creator and star of Coyote Gulch approached and professed himself a reader. Despite the fact he's a hiking fan, seems like a nice guy. Would have talked longer but I had to motor.

Sugar cookies and all.

I'm In Denver

So I suppose posting will be light for a few days.

Will say this, though: Watching the YouTube debates last night made me proud to be a Democrat. While I'm still a Democrat, that is.

Still don't know who to vote for, though.

This Isn't How We Do It Down South

I attended the El Paso County Democrats meeting last week in Colorado Springs with my husband and two children. Cause nothing says family time like b*tching about the Bankruptcy Bill over an all-you-can-eat pizza/pasta buffet.

My boys and I grabbed some complex carbohydrates and settled back to learn a thing or two about our new hometown and the people who live here. A few of them anyway.

Thirty-five people in attendance and a good crowd, according to Allison Hunter, the club's president. Looking around the room, I couldn't help but notice my family of four brought the median age down to seventy.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

A few smiles here and there, but someone should have come over and said hello. No such welcome wagon occurred - as if a young, middle-class family attending a Democratic event in this town isn't a rarity.

When we all know it is.

Next time, someone ought to at least look like they appreciate the fact that a few newcomers shut off the television, got out of the house, and attended a local meeting. They need a volunteer to play Julie McCoy? Maybe I should apply. My smile would make anyone feel at home.

Richard Skorman, local business owner and activist, spoke on behalf of Senator Ken Salazar. Skorman was well-informed and exceedingly polite, especially when a few members complained about the Senator's less-than-liberal voting record. One guy had a list of embarrassing and enraging comprises that Salazar gets away with only because the alternative is Pete Coors.

Coors. Can't stomach the guy's *beer* much less his politics.

Skorman talked about recycling issues, impact fees, and the need for better lightbulbs. Local evangelicals are even on board to start making the environment a priority. Skorman came across as tolerant, open-minded, and accessible - even during disagreements. Character traits transferable to his boss as well.

Perhaps the same can be said for the whole crowd. Perhaps. But first I'll have to meet a few of them.

Then I'll let you know.

New Favorite Bumper Sticker

Katie Wuz Here

Visited a park in The Springs where someone had left behind a few pieces of colored chalk.


Making my presence known and all.

"You Know Who You Remind Me Of?"

I always hold my breath when someone says that to me.

The answer might be flattering.

• Minnie Driver
• Amy Brenneman
• Felicity. When her hair was all kinds of out of control.

Or not so much.

• Janeane Garofalo. (Before I lost the baby weight.)
• Lucy. From Charlie Brown. (Mostly for attitude. She *is* my favorite Peanut.)
• Casper. (Big eyes. Pale skin. Don't ask.)

Do *you* look like someone famous?

Wait, Am I In Tampa or The Springs?

Cause I'm sure this is Bangs & Burns motto.

Nice spelling, too.

Protect Our U.S. Waters Before It's Too Late

Polluting industries are trying to undo long-established safeguards for our local waterways and wetlands, but we now have a chance to stop them. If they have their way, up to 60 percent of our nation’s rivers and streams could be stripped of federal Clean Water Act protections.

Take action now to urge Congress to protect our local waters by supporting the Clean Water Restoration Act.

"I can't hold my peace any longer."

Years from now, history teachers will have plenty of documentaries and books to refer to when they teach that Bush was the worst President in the history of our country.

Here's another piece of evidence.

Enjoy. Or throw up. Your choice.

Should I Register as a Republican?

Before liberals vomit and conservatives reach for the Vaseline, let me just say, "Relax."

Few weeks ago, I attended a party in Briargate, northern Colorado Springs, which is the heart of Dobson Land. Focus Freaks everywhere and yet there I stood, at a gathering with my fellow Heebs on a Friday evening. Out in the open and everything. Shabbat Shalom.

Ultimately, politics came up, as they often do with me. And more than a few liberals and moderate Dems said they were registered Republicans.

I spit out my kugel and demanded an explanation.

"The Springs is run by Republicans," Mr. MOT said, summarizing their logic. "Therefore, if we want to participate, we have to be able to vote in the primaries and pick the least offensive rightwinger! As a Democrat, you will be completely shut out of the process. At least we can pick the moderate Republican and counteract some of the damage done by evangelicals in this community. It's the best way to affect change."

Hmmm.

I'm pondering this bit of advice last night while attending the El Paso County Democrats meeting (more on that later) when John Morris, Chair, discussed a current campaign. Liberal activists canvass registered Republicans to discover their take on certain issues. Entire neighborhoods of neocons are then targeted in mailings and personal dialogues in an attempt to court and convert.

So far, and, granted it's only been a month, I've yet to have anyone sit down and ask my views. Only local churches and banks court my ass. Haven't been warmly welcomed by anyone on my side. So you know what that says to me? No one gets attention or love in this area like a Republican. From both sides.

I am sick of being taken for granted. Maybe my vote should not be guaranteed for any political party. Perhaps a walk on the wild side is in order. I mean, I don't think I could actually vote for a Republican over a Democrat. That requires a lack of conscience and darkness of soul I don't possess.

Dark souls are so not hot.

However, as a lifelong liberal activist roaming a new neighborhood and growing increasingly frustrated with my party's lack of backbone and interest - registering as a Republican no longer sounds so bad.

I mean, really. Who wants me?

For When Solitaire Just Doesn't Cut It

Play this game.

I haven't decided which picture to upload yet. But I swear I'll look like an Independent.

Garden of the Gods or Satan's Cleavage - Whichever You'd Prefer

It's been established that, although the great outdoors should be preserved, I don't actually *enjoy* being outdoors. Especially during the summer. Bugs, fear of sweat, sun, heat, and assorted animals all conspire to keep me indoors.

However, once in a while, I forget who I am. This immediately calls into question my ability to a) parent effectively and b) make decisions without medication.

Like yesterday, for example.

I took my children to Garden of the Gods for a picnic lunch. Youngest has been asking (read: bugging) me to go hiking since we arrived in The Springs so I noticed different trails around our picnic area and thought,

"We can do this."

Big mistake.

Armed with floppy hat, water bottles and cell phone - I led my children into unpaved and overrated territory. About a half-hour in, signs warned of bear sightings. Took a deep breath and marched on, secure that such bravery would be rewarded. Maybe with toned thighs or something.

That's when I stepped in horsesh*t.

Apparently, several tour groups sightsee on horseback and the delightful creatures are allowed to sh*t and piss wherever they choose. This adds a certain "smell element" to the nature-loving experience, especially in ninety-nine degree weather.

After about an hour of avoiding bears and bowel movements (who has time to admire rocks?) we ended up at a house that hadn't been occupied in centuries.

The trails stopped at the house's front door. My boys sat down to rest for a moment and let mommy think. As I tried to forget every "mom-gang-raped-in-the-forest" movie I'd ever seen, birds stopped chirping. Folks, silence is unnerving. Then we heard thunder in the distance.

Of course.

We decided to retrace our steps and hopefully end up back at the car.

Another hour passed and my children started to complain. Water bottles were empty. Wild berries tasted like wax. It had begun to rain. So I used my remaining sense and cell phone battery to call for help and/or say my goodbyes. Just in case the surrounding deer decided to take a bite.

More than a few people laughed. Becky offered to come find us. Husband flipped. Cause he knew he'd be blamed for dragging us to Colorado in the first place. I assured everyone that we'd be fine but just in case please get Minnie Driver to play me in the Movie of the Week.

After a few more minutes of near panic at the sight of snakes, my cell phone rang.

"I'm in hell," I said.

"Where abouts?" the voice asked.

"Excuse me?" I said.

"Where are the mountains? That'll tell you if you're headed north or south."

"Who is this?"

(slight pause)

"This is someone who has bad taste in t-shirts, but an excellent sense of direction. Probably because I'm a hunter."

"Great," I said. "Just what I need."

Almost hung up but remembered the snakes, Minnie Driver, deer, and impending doom.

"I'm walking down the mountain," I said.

Annoyance is an excellent motivating factor. And Aaron proceeded to annoy me just enough that I was able to find my way out of the woods and back to my car. All the while, forced to listen to valuable advice like,

"Lots of bears in that area, Katie. They love vegetarians."

Called everyone once safely inside our (air-conditioned) vehicle. More than a few suggested investing in a *personal* GPS. They have a point. But really no need. Hiking is dead to me.

Step Four: Challenge Lightbulb Makers

Remember our energy revolution?

Greenpeace is conducting high level talks with some of the world's largest lightbulb companies - including Philips, Osram, GE and SLI Sylvania - and asking them to stop making energy wasting lightbulbs by 2010. The more customers they also hear from, the more likely they'll listen.

So for step 4, please add your voice by signing their petition.

Some of these companies want to keep selling even the most wasteful lightbulbs for another decade. That's way too long to wait! An estimated 32 million tons of carbon dioxide is pumped into the atmosphere EVERY YEAR thanks to the extra energy needs of wasteful lightbulbs.

Take action: Add your voice.

One for Colorado - My Kind of Governor

Join special guest Governor Bill Ritter and ProgressNowAction members on Thursday July 26, on the rooftop of Club Vinyl in Denver for the first annual Progresstival happy hour. The fun kicks off at 5:30pm and ends at 7:30!

The first 250 people who respond get in for the screamin' deal of a $10 donation. For everyone else, it's $15.

Wake Up!

Senator Allard actually stayed up all night last night to defend the president's disastrous policy in Iraq. And just a few minutes ago he voted to keep the filibuster going!

(Too bad "Assbag of the Week" is already taken.)

We need to keep the heat on and make it clear that we're not going to let up until he votes to end the war. Call Senator Allard today and him that you're outraged at his stonewall on Iraq.

Tell the bastard that you want him to vote for the Levin-Reed amendment to bring our troops home by April.

Senator Wayne Allard
Phone: 202-224-5941

Assbag of the Week

Robert Novak.

Although, I must say, when white men sit around and discuss the possibility of a female or African-American presidential candidate, someone is bound to say something stupid.

I want to hurl every time they chuckle at their own hilarity and/or brilliance. Tick tock, boys...

Democrats - Make Me Proud

So, the U.S. Senate is pulling an all-nighter.

Let's see which elected officials are going to stand up in front of the American people and show us just how much they want to stay in Iraq. A few Republicans have started to say the right things, but we don't know whether they actually have the backbone to stand with the American people and vote the right way, and the threat of a filibuster gives them all the cover they need.

If those bastards filibuster - Democrats probably don't have the votes to stop them. But if Senate Republicans are against ending the war, then they should show it by voting against the legislation -- a straight-up-and-down vote on a bill that the majority of Americans support.

Are we a democracy or not?

Instead, neocons are threatening to block the vote, and Dems are going to force them to explain themselves in front of the American people.

Do me a favor - write a letter and fax it to your Senators instantly. Let them know all night long just how much opposition there is to the war in Iraq.

A handful of Republicans loyal to President Bush plan to block the bill even though a similar version passed in the House by a 223-201 margin last week. Republican Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said Friday that we need to give the troop escalation time because it is just beginning to "show signs of military success."

Bull. F*cking. Sh*t.

This is your chance to support our troops and bring them home. Sooner rather than later. So let's work together tonight.

For a change.

Uncomfortable Conversations in a Chinese Restaurant

Husband, kids, and I gather to eat lunch. Husband's friend Aaron, the one with bad taste in t-shirts, joins us.

Oldest looks at his placemat, which lists the Chinese Zodiac, and quickly finds his birth year.

"Do you know what?" he asks. "I'm a dragon. There's the rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, lamb, monkey, cock, dog, and pig. But dragon is the best. Cause dragons breathe fire."

Youngest, who was born only three minutes after Oldest, says, "I'm a dragon, too. Cool."

Oldest continues reading his sign's description.

"What does avoid the tiger mean?"

I read over his shoulder and say,

"It means to stay away from someone who was born in the year of the tiger."

"Yeah," Husband says. "Tigers are bad news. And you might want to avoid the cock as well."

"Avoid the cock. That's my motto," Aaron mumbles.

The waitress and I share an awkward glance.

"Of course, even if you don't avoid the cock," Husband continues, "we'll still love you."

Waitress hurries away and avoids us the rest of the meal.

"You were born in 1969, Mommy," Youngest says, still reading his placemat. "That makes you a cock."

"In more ways than one," Aaron mumbles.

"Mommy, I don't want to avoid you," Oldest says. "Even if you are a cock."

It's a small restaurant. We are way too loud.

"What is a cock?" Youngest asks.

"A rooster," I say.

"Aaron, are you a cock?" one of them wants to know.

I haven't heard this much cock talk since high school.

"Aaron and your father are probably dogs. Or pigs. Now eat your lunch and let's talk about something other than cocks."

On the way home, Oldest says,

"I wonder if George Bush is a cock."

We're never eating there again.

Hate Crimes Bill Needs Your Support

We're closer than ever to passing a federal hate crimes law that includes and protects all Americans.

This legislation would help combat hate crimes across America by updating the current laws to include sexual orientation and gender identity while providing new resources and tools to assist local law enforcement in prosecuting all hate crimes.

Last week, Senator Kennedy added it as an amendment to the Department of Defense reauthorization currently being debated before the U.S. Senate. A floor vote could come at any time (S. 1105).

Please call your senators right now and demand they vote in support of the Hate Crimes bill.

Sen. Wayne Allard
(202) 224-5941

Sen. Ken Salazar
(202) 224-5852

Please Join The Bell Policy Center & Colorado Media Matters

For a Discussion about the impact of Online Media on Public Policy and Local Politics

Panelists:

Bobby Clark, ProgressNow Action, deputy director
Dan Haley, The Denver Post, editorial page editor
Wendy Norris, Colorado Confidential, managing editor

The panel will examine the impact that online media – weblogs as well as some of the newer online news sites – are having on public policy discussions in Colorado.

Serious discussion, people. Not a place to look for a date.

The panel will also look at how the Colorado blogosphere has been received and utilized by policymakers and journalists in traditional media over the past legislative session and election cycle. The format will encourage audience participation.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007
noon – 1:15 p.m.
(Light refreshments will be served)

Denver Press Club
1330 Glenarm Place
Denver, CO 80204
(303) 571-5260

Please RSVP By Monday, July 23
To: Maureen Beach at (303) 815-7690 or mbeach@mediamatters.org

Think I'll go, mingle, and try to get someone to stare at something other than my hair.

Libations With Liberals

Come join Drinking Liberally (Colorado Springs) on Tuesday, July 17, at 7:30PM at the Coffee Exchange for drinks (beer, wine, coffee, soda - you choose) and the welcoming company of your fellow liberals.

Could there be a better way to spend a hot summer evening? I mean, with all your clothes on?

Is America Ready for a Third Party?

It takes Americans a long time to do what's right. How did Thomas Jefferson put it?

Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

The suffering must and should end. Now.

So here's a thought. Unity '08.

For starters.

Which Is More Embarrassing?

This or That?

Bits 'n Pieces of Nonsense

--Flying home to Tampa the week of Thanksgiving. Plan parties now. Will fight the urge to stay.

--Received co-pay bill from St. Joe's Hospital for that time I almost pooped myself to death. $6500.00 - due immediately. Too bad my haters aren't interested in pulling a Michael Moore. What's that? Oh, a voice inside my head saying, "B*tch, at least you're not bankrupt or living in your children's basement or forced to go to Cuba for medicine." (My mom. She's a *feeler*.) She's right ya know. I'm still alive and able to wipe my own ass. So there's that.

--I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news is I've been offered a job and we're moving into our new house soon and staying awhile. The bad news is I've been offered a job and we're moving into our new house soon and staying awhile.

--Favorite show on television. Period. Considering a Showtime subscription just to watch Season Three - starting next month. Cause Mary Louise Parker is *hot*. And, don't kid yourself, so is Matthew Modine. You heard me.

--Standing at the kitchen sink the other day, looked up and noticed Mama Bear and Baby Bear back on the porch. Almost passed out. Grabbed Becky's husband and couldn't even get the words out. He looked and then ran for the camera. Cause chivalry is dead. Why did the bears come back, you ask? Why was Mama Bear up on two feet and reaching, you wonder aloud? Mama Bear wanted the *goddamn hummingbird feeder* that Becky insists on placing outside because apparently birds can't find f*cking food on their own. I know. My own best friend doesn't even read my sh*t. In return, I'm dealing with a possible stroke event every time I walk outside the house. Loving Colorado, people. Loving it.

--Give it your best shot, but I bet they still won't comply. Cause they suck.

That's it. Happy Sunday!

I'm Pissed

About the health care crisis in this country.

I'm disappointed that none of the top contenders for the Democratic nomination have come out in support of HR 676.

I wrote the following to each candidate:

I will only support the candidate who calls for universal health care. Take the profit and private insurance companies OUT of the equation. Are you beholden to them or pharmaceutical companies? Prove you are not - call for a single payer system and free care for all. Prove you're on our side by supporting HR 676. It's about time.

I am encouraging everyone to write their own message (or cut and paste mine) and send it to the following candidates:

John Edwards
Hillary Clinton
Barack Obama
Bill Richardson

I will not support a candidate that does not call for universal health care. If that means I support a third-party candidate, so be it.

Oh, wait. Dennis Kucinich co-authored HR 676.

And he's talking about other issues like Iraq and global warming in a way that makes sense.

And he's the only one.

And he's running for President.

And should not be shut out of the debates.

Michael Moore is right - the only way to get Hillary and John and Barack to support our ideas is to demand it. So *demand it.* And in the meantime throw some support behind Kucinich - and a couple bucks, too.

Seems he's the only one out there on our side.

They Can't Wait to Kill Our Wolves

We all know how Bush, and especially Cheney, love shooting things. And people. Well, late last week, officials in the Bush/Cheney Administration announced a new proposal that could lead to widespread regional killing of gray wolves.

On Friday, July 6th, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service began a 30-day comment period on its latest outrageous proposals, plans that would sanction the killing of more than 700 wolves in the Yellowstone area and parts of Wyoming, Idaho and Montana, including wolves protecting their pups on National Forest lands and Wilderness areas.

We're not talking about *our* home, peeps. We're talking about *their* home.

The proposal would set the stage for aerial gunning of wolves in Wyoming and Idaho and clear the way for the extermination of three out of four wolves in the Lolo area of Idaho’s Clearwater National Forest, a plan that had been shelved after more than 41,000 wildlife supporters spoke out against it.

Under this latest proposal, these and other wolves could be killed, even if gray wolves in the Northern Rockies remain protected under the Endangered Species Act. The proposal comes even as federal officials are reviewing the hundreds of thousands of public comments submitted in opposition to the Administration’s plan to eliminate Endangered Species Act Protections for gray wolves in the Northern Rockies.

We only have until Monday August 6th to speak out against these proposals, so please send your message today.

More Great Ideas from the Edwards Campaign

Participate in National Poverty Action Week from Monday, July 16th - Sunday, July 22nd.

Senator Edwards has asked us all to take action in our own communities to help end poverty. So click here to create an anti-poverty action for One Corps members in your local area.

Here are some ways you can take action

• Volunteer at a local food bank. To find one in your area try searching through America's Second Harvest here (we recommend calling the food bank to set up your volunteer activity). If there isn't a Second Harvest food bank near you, just try googling the name of your city and "food bank".
• Volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. To find one in your area try googling the name of your city and "soup kitchen" or "homeless shelter".
• Organize a food, clothing, or goods drive. We recommend setting out boxes in your work place, community center, school, or congregation as appropriate along with a list of items you'd like people to give and where you'll be delivering the donations. Make sure to also ask your friends and family to give food, clothing, or goods as well.
• Work with Habitat for Humanity on a local building project. Click here to find your local Habitat for Humanity Affiliate and then post your event on the One Corps site so others can join you.
• Work with a local group in your community (such as a local community group, church, synagogue, or mosque) that is already organizing anti-poverty efforts.
• Develop your own action. For some ideas on other types of anti-poverty volunteer opportunities, check out a resource page such as this one or come up with your own idea.
  

It's That Time Again

EL PASO COUNTY DEMS CLUB
Thursday, July 19th
6:00pm @ Bambino's
(SE corner of Circle & Platte)

GUEST SPEAKER
Richard Skorman

Please come with all your questions for Richard!

ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFETT
$10.00 Pizza, Pasta, & Salad

(Does not include all the beer you can drink. Unfortunately.)

HOPE TO SEE ALL THE USUAL SUSPECTS PLUS SOME NEW FACES!

Apparently I Rock

Or so I'm told.

QuakerJono, that wicked smart guy over at Forgotten Beatitudes, thinks I'm all that and a bag of fat-free chips.

He nominated me for a Thinking Bloggers Award. Which I will print out and put right next to my Thespian medal from 1986 - the last time I won something.

Since I'm a *pay it forward* type of girl, here are five blogs that feed my naturally-curly head:

1) Reason to Wander: Sloan is one of my brother's oldest and dearest friends. Amy is Sloan's girlfriend and traveling partner. They took off last January for a year of adventure in Southeast Asia and... Ireland. Don't ask why. Just visit their site and observe these places through two unique and ever-expanding world views.

2) Side Salad: Jeff called me up one day and said, "I'm doing a story on vegetarian Jews and you're the only show in town. Mind if I put you on the front page of the paper?" Guys - that's how ya get her. Anyway, a beautiful friendship was born and his site is consistently funny (those goddamn sombreros), thought-provoking (his friend Drew is serving in Iraq) and vomit-inducing (cooking Twinkies?). Not many sites or friends you can say all that about.

3) Sticks of Fire: Tommy and I met at one of his shows when he announced I was in the audience and could he please "eat" my "pizza." Then he hired me to write for him. And by hired, I mean - paid me in kindness and flattery. His website continues to cover all things Tampa and since I am most certainly returning one day, I like to stay all informed and sh*t.

4) Off the Meatstick: Cause Danny is my first cousin. And godson. Family and all. I was made his godmother at ten years of age and, since leaving Catholicism, I'm no longer allowed to godparent. So I gotta keep him on my good side or I won't have *any* godchildren to speak of. And then how will I get into heaven - good looks and charm? Anyway, Dan's a good kid, did our country proud and is now to the left of me. Which makes me proud. So check him out.

5) The State of Sunshine: Jim is smart, well-connected, and sums up policy decisions in Florida with a conservative bent that is neither condescending nor evil. Imagine that. Plus he's way cuter than those PEER Review assbags.

It was hard to narrow down to five. There are John's many incarnations, Forgotten Beatitudes, Smashed Frog and Ybor City Stogie, to name just a few more.

Look at my Blogroll because I read every site at least once a day. And I'm still getting used to Colorado blogs - there aren't that many of them - but will be adding more soon. Fantastic sites.

They all make me think.

Some make me giggle and moan.

Too bad there aren't awards for *that*.

Makes Me Wanna Get Up In Front of a Classroom Again

Of course, I'd be even more effective if I too could say "f*ck", "sh*t" and show nudity.

Part One.

Part Two.

h/t John

Weekend Plans in The Springs

Saturday, July 14, 2007
Spectrum Rehab and Wellness' First Annual "Fit For a Cure" (benefiting the Gerstel Cancer Foundation) from 9am-4pm.

For a minimum $10 donation you can participate in any and all of the following:

Yoga

Massage

Tai Chi

Belly Dancing

Pilates

Kick Boxing

Watch me belly dance the day away and come get your own groove on: 810 Arcturus Drive.

Click here for a full class schedule.

Sunday, July 15, 2007
Walk with Jan Tanner in the Pride Fest Parade.

The parade will form-up at Cache La Poudre and Tejon at 11:30am and begin at noon.

Wear yellow and bring an umbrella for shade - insert fashion joke here - and RSVP to Karenteja@earthlink.net.

Step 3: Post "Ban This Bulb (I Did)" In the Window or On The Internet.

Remember the Energy Revolution?

Step 3 of the energy efficiency campaign is all about spreading the word where you live. This can be your home, where you work, or where you spend time online getting love from strangers.

The idea is to spark the energy revolution in the minds of people beyond your immediate family and friends. You know there's a planetary emergency, but a lot of people still haven't caught on. Cause they're too busy watching UFC.

Raise the alarm! And show them there are real solutions.

Get John Edwards to Come to Denver

Demand and Be Heard Competition. Click on Number 5 for the Denver Metro Area so we can get John Edwards to come and answer our questions.

The city with the most demands wins a JE visit. Ends 7/18 at noon so get on it.

"The Face of the Anti-Immigration Movement"

Or "The Face of Hate."

Whichever you'd prefer.

Assbag of the Week. Again.

Tucker Carlson has Barack Obama on the brain. Can't stop talking about him. Can't stop *thinking* about him.

Last week Tucker called him a wimp and now this:

While discussing Sen. Obama's speech in Fairfield , Iowa , on the July 6 edition of Tucker, Carlson asked: "How high is this guy? It's like, what is he -- he always talks between bong hits?" Carlson added: "Well, he sounds like a pothead to me."

There is simply no place for these juvenile attacks to be broadcast every evening on America 's cable news channels. If Tucker wants that kind of action, he ought to frequent online chat rooms like every other lonely American douchebag.

And as Americans, we have a right to both expect and demand more from our news outlets. The public deserves a productive debate about ideas and policies, not program after program of Tucker filled with relentless personal attacks, smears, and falsehoods.

Contact information:
MSNBC
viewerservices@msnbc.com
MSNBC TV
One MSNBC Plaza
Secaucus, N.J. 07094
MSNBC contacts

Enough is enough. If I don't stand up for good taste and decorum - who will?

An Email From My Cousin

Says it all:

If you need any more evidence of what a complete failure this administration is, allowing ideology to trump science at every turn, endangering the lives of citizens for political reasons, here it is.

For those who are going to try and drop the "liberal media bias" defense, here.
I found this article buried mid-page since top billing had to be given to "Sun, Sand, and Terror," a big article on al Qaeda summertime threats. Ooh! Scary!

I am going to vomit.

As If SiCKO Wasn't Enough

Join Colorado Consumer Health Initiative for the premier screening of Collateral Damage: Bad Medicine in Tennessee, a gripping account of when access to healthcare becomes a matter of life and death.

Join us for a screening of Collateral Damage, and an informal discussion on how it relates to Colorado after the screening.

Thursday, July 12th, 2007
7:00 PM
The Mercury Cafe
2199 California St., Denver
$10 suggested donation

No one will be turned away.

Wouldn't it be great if we could say the same thing about our health care system?

Tell Home Depot to Pull Out of the Fox Hole

A grassroots coalition of environmental, religious, and activist groups has launched a campaign to expose Fox network's skewed and inaccurate coverage of global warming. The campaign, led by the Sierra Club, Brave New Films, and MoveOn.org Civic Action, includes a YouTube video called Fox Attacks: The Environment that exposes Fox's pattern of misinformation, and an online petition.

Yes, folks, Fox continues to suck.

What can you do about it? Plenty, as it turns out. One of Fox's major advertisers, Home Depot, is a company that says it cares about the environment. That's why Sierra Club is petitioning them to pull their ads.

Either Home Depot does or does not care about the fate of our planet and people. If they do, they shouldn't advertise with those that don't.

Can the House Green Up The Energy Bill?

The Energy Bill, passed by the Senate last month, made important progress toward addressing America’s oil and environmental security—but it needs to be stronger. While the Senate did increase fuel economy standards for the first time in more than 30 years, they unfortunately included unnecessary loopholes that could undermine the new 35 mile per gallon standard.

I know. Assbags.

The bill also lacked a renewable energy standard requiring utilities to produce a percentage of our electricity from clean, renewable sources like the wind and sun. And the increase in biofuels production included in the bill needs stronger safeguards against global warming pollution to protect our air, soil, and water.

Thankfully, we still have a chance to strengthen this critical bill now that action moves to the House.

Before they f*ck it up, please let your representative know that you want an Energy Bill that locks in strong fuel economy standards and ensures that biofuels are part of the global warming solution, not part of the problem.

Add your own comments for increased effectiveness. Call your rep an assbag even.

Works for me.

Let's Clean Up This Mess

Being a Democrat is about more than politics. It's about more than rock and roll and sexy women and hot men. It's about more than just good times.

Really. It is.

We're a group of Americans dedicated to improving our country, both through the choices we make at the ballot box and those we make at home. That's why we're dedicating this year's Democratic Reunion to a challenge we can all tackle together: the fight for a cleaner environment.

This year's Reunion won't be your normal house parties -- we're going to be planting trees, cleaning up local parks and beaches, and kicking off local recycling programs. But I'm still hoping someone brings the beer. Cleaning is enjoyable, but all that bending and stretching and discussions about affordable health care would be easier with a cool buzz.

This summer, let's work on making our towns greener places to live -- it's a good start to cleaning up the Republican mess in Washington.

Roll up your sleeves on Saturday, July 28 for a stronger Democratic Party and a cleaner America.

Post-Post-Surgery Update

It's been four months since Dr. Berger worked his magic. So here we go.

Breast Reduction:

The girls look lovely. Scars are still noticeable but fading fast.

Aches have all but disappeared, therefore I am no longer justified in massaging myself thusly and blaming it on pain management. (Localized massage, people, really does work. On so many different levels.) I am now ready to return to the ever-so-wise Certified Fitting Specialist to receive my fabulous new bra size.

Tummy Tuck:

Flat as a pancake, still numb and brand new bellybutton healing nicely.

The itchiness that caused me to grope myself up top has now moved below the waist. Why, in God's name, a four month-old scar is *now* starting to require rubbing is beyond me.

And the rubbing/soft-scratching doesn't look as attractive as it sounds. Speaking of sounds, I do moan like a porn star when trying to will the "poison ivy-like sensations" out of my wound area. Mostly in the shower. Mostly at night.

Becky, her husband, and their impressionable children *love* sharing a house with me and my issues.

Speaking of issues, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the most lingering of surgical side-effects.

The Ass Blow:

Remember how I almost died due to tummy troubles due to antibiotics due to the aforementioned cosmetic surgery? Well, such troubles will not be flushed away.

The good news - as long as I eat yogurt, yogurt, and then again, some more yogurt, I should be able to avoid the afterlife for a while and continue annoying the planet. Yes, folks. Yogurt is saving my life.

Yogurt and Kefir.

And Cottonelle.

Don't worry. Becky's dealing with my moans and groans. Thank God for nineteen bathrooms and an endless supply of toilet paper. Our friendship is relatively safe.

So far anyway.

"It Feels Like a Fisting Kind of Evening"

My friend Jeff recently wrote about a charming website that has the most entertaining e-cards. They really do warm the cockles of my heart.

If I had cockles, that is.

So many gems, I spent about an hour sending them to friends, lovers, and haters alike. Good times.

A sampling from Confessions:

Encouragement:

And, finally, a Thank-you from the heart:

Check 'em out and send me one. From the heart, of course.

This Looks Good

And I don't even like Tom Cruise.

What's Wrong With Us?

If a criminal has a Constitutional right to a lawyer, why doesn't a sick person have a right to a doctor?

I was eighteen or nineteen years old when I first saw Roger & Me. Made a huge impact on my life and opinions regarding free trade and the role that big business and government play in our lives.

Since then, I've seen all of Michael Moore's movies and own all of his books. Even brought my kids to hear him speak and together, we all sang, "This Land is Your Land."

I've heard people call him names, question his motives, and denounce his films. Yet, because I know so much about him, I've never really understood the venom with which normal Americans attack him.

Fox News and other media, along with big business - that I get. He's threatening their hold on the minds of the masses. But no one I've ever spoken with personally can point to anything with any substance to invalidate his unique point of view.

I like Michael Moore. He is a patriot and uses his voice to speak for those who can't speak for themselves. I'm sure he is not perfect. However, that does not matter to me. What matters to me is that he is making the world a better place. Therefore, I'm a fan.

Yesterday, I watched SiCKO. Along with his other films, this should be required viewing.

The core of this film speaks to me - because it's in sync with the core of my own value system. I firmly believe, with everything in me, that those who are wealthy have a responsibility to care for those who are poor. Those who are healthy have a responsibility to care for those who are sick. The educated have a responsibility to care for those who are uneducated. And so on. And so forth.

And I'm not even a Christian. Go figure.

SiCKO speaks to this idea that we are all in it together. Universal health care - big fan. I was one of those people who, during Hillary's quest to care for all, held placards that said "Health care is a right, not a privilege." In return, I was seen as sort of a radical.

Now, universal health care is an idea whose time has come.

So, as with everything else, we, the people, must unite and work together to see it happen. There are many great solutions out there - from Great Britain, France, Canada to Cuba. Let's learn from them to make our health care system the best in the world.

More than anything, our lack of compassion is alarming. Blame HMOs or Washington if you must, really *we* are at fault. We are allowing substandard care to continue, for a variety of reasons, and ought to be ashamed of ourselves. Like everything else, if we shout loud enough, our elected officials would play along.

For most of us, a health care crisis could happen tomorrow. So let's start shouting today.

This Is What I Missed

In favor of men rolling around on the floor with other men.

Best. Group. Ever.

Let's Do Lunch

SAME Cafe, in Denver, has a simple and wonderful goal - making healthy, organic food available to all.

Daily selections are made using fresh, organic ingredients, and funded by
the donations of patrons. Instead of a cash register, a donation box is
available for one to pay what they felt their meal was worth, or to leave a
little more and help out someone less fortunate. If a diner does not have
sufficient money to leave, they are encouraged to exchange an hour of service in
our restaurant for a full meal voucher.

Okay. So one more notch in favor of this new home state of mine. Even if the cafe is over an hour away. It's still something to look forward to.

We'll be visiting before summer is over.

h/t Michele

Elia Would Not Be Missed

In my mailbox this morning from a teacher in Tampa -

Got this in my school mail as I opened it...And s**t I was going to help her pack. I did email her and assured her that no one in this county would stand in her way if she wanted to move......

Dear Colleagues:

You may have seen the recent article in the St. Pete Times that suggested I
am considering applying for state education commissioner. As the article
stated, I have been contacted about the position.

As the article also stated, I am committed to Hillsborough County schools
and I still have work to do here. We’ve made great progress as a team on
our journey to be the best school district in the nation, but we still have a
long road ahead. My desire is that we reach our destination
together.

Thank you for all your efforts on behalf of Hillsborough County’s school
children. I look forward to addressing our challenges together and to our
continued success in meeting them.

MaryEllen Elia

Yesterday, Becky's husband got me all excited.

"We're having a party tonight," he said. "Big event going on. Huge."

I slammed down my yogurt drink and shouted,

"G*ddamn right there's a huge event going on tonight - Live Earth! And I'm thrilled that someone in this town, other than me, recognizes what a momentous occasion this is! I have all kinds of ideas. How about, in between organic refreshments, we present tutorials on ways to neutralize our carbon footprints. I can make hemp salad and then-"

"Umm, err, uhh -"

He coughed a little and then said, a bit confused,

"I'm not talking about Live Earth. I'm, umm, talking about Ultimate Fighting Championship."

Awkward pause.

"Of course you are," I said.

And so it came to be that a group of intelligent, educated, professional men and women came over and cheered on the likes of Hammer Head and Pig Ox. Or whatever the hell those fighters call themselves.

No one mentioned Al Gore. Not even once.

Oh, and speaking of Pig Ox, one of the attendees wore this shirt. Just to piss me off:

Didn't want me to take his picture. Luckily, we found a guy on-line who filled it out better anyway.

Yes, folks, how to annoy friends and alienate people. I'm starting to feel at home here already.

So that's something.

Let's Drive Some Change

Thanks in no small part to activists around the country, the Senate recently took a historic step toward curbing our dependence on oil and curbing global warming pollution from automobiles.

The fate of fuel efficiency now lies with the House of Representatives, where they are considering fuel economy as part of the energy bill. We must work in the House to eliminate the loopholes that could undermine this historic progress.

We all know how sensitive Congress is to their constituents’ pain at the pump. And with oil prices topping $71 a barrel again just this week, it looks like we’re in for another summer of soaring gas prices. The timing couldn’t be better to send gas receipts to your representative with a personalized message that you want better fuel economy!

Whether you own a Hummer, a hybrid, or no vehicle at all (read: morally superior), you can be part of this “Receipt Revolution.” Click here to find out now how easy and fun making a real difference can be.

source: UCS

My New Hometown Paper

As Colorado Media Matters has noted (here and here), The Gazette in previous editorials has made numerous false and misleading statements about the (Scooter) Libby case.

And so the trend continues.

Fantastic.

Fun Conversations With My Sister

She lives in Denver and so we get to see more of each other. One of the benefits of living in Colorado.

One of two.

We still talk on the phone every day. And this one's a gem.

Me: I'm thinking of tutoring once school starts. It's a good way to earn extra money.

Sister: That's a great idea and one of the reasons I started a consulting business. Just picked up a few extra clients. Seventy-five dollars an hour, we certainly can't make that in the classroom.

Me: Right. Ummm, I'm thinking more like $50 an hour.

Sister: Yeah, I used to charge $50.

(long pause)

Sister: Before I got my *master's degree*...

(wait for it, wait for it, wait for it)

Sister: Dumbass.

(Of course, she didn't call me a dumbass out loud. But, as the older child, I am gifted with a bit of the ESP and could hear her calling me a dumbass in her head.)

(Plus it makes for a funnier ending.)

Finally, I Can Join the Rest of the Civilized World

And see SiCKO.

'Bout time.

May the Force Be With Me

It started out simple and innocent enough. I thought to myself,

"Self, why not introduce Star Wars to your children?"

So we watched the movies. My boys enjoyed the action, adventure, and characters. I enjoyed Billy Dee Williams. Good times all the way around. Then we watched the movies again. Then one more time.

Then my mood took a turn.

For the past few months, it's been Star Wars this and Star Wars that.

Basically - I'm up to my ass in Star Wars.

We've got Star Wars -

Toys.

Nintendo DS cartridges.

PS2 games.

Books.

Legos.

When will the madness end?

Ask me what game I played for two g*ddamned hours yesterday.

Oldest is even writing a "new chapter" to continue the story. My precious children are turning into a) kids I threw spitballs at in elementary school or b) my brother.

If Youngest tells me to "laugh it up, fuzzball" one more time, I may have to stage an intervention.

Or start drinking in the afternoon.

Freedom Means Choice

Fred Thompson is about to join a cadre of candidates who are clamoring to out anti-choice each other.

Mitt Romney has said, "I am pro-life and I support pro-life legislation.... I think the Roe v. Wade one-size-fits-all approach is wrong."

Sen. John McCain, who has voted anti-choice 123 times out of 128 votes on choice, has said "I do not support Roe v. Wade. I think it should be overturned."

And Sen. Sam Brownback has gone so far as to promise that he "will commit to helping end abortion in America...."

Don't be fooled - Fred Thompson is no better. During his seven years in the U.S. Senate, he voted anti-choice 44 times out of 46 choice-related issues. He has called Roe v. Wade "bad law" and received a 100 percent voting record from the National Right to Life Committee.

Anything can happen between now and the nomination, so stay up-to-date about where the presidential candidates stand on women's freedom and privacy.

Step 2: Invite Seven People to Join

Last week I joined this 7-step climate change campaign with Greenpeace. We are starting with lightbulbs, but it's about energy efficiency generally. You should join:

Click here to sign up.

Greenpeace proposes an "Energy Revolution" to save the world from catastrophic climate change. Half of it is about saving the power we use. And this campaign is about people like us helping to outlaw products that waste energy. Every week, for seven weeks, Greenpeace sends out an email with instructions how to campaign effectively for energy efficiency.

Every ton of carbon dioxide pumped into the atmosphere, every coal burning power plant built and every energy wasting lightbulb installed makes it harder for us to stop climate change. Each one is one more thing we'll need to undo. Better to do it right the first time.

Let's start an energy revolution!

I hope you'll join me today: Click here to sign up!

More on Changing Bulbs and Habits

Got this email and wanted to share with everyone:

Rep Romanoff (you know, the Colorado Speaker of the House) is going to be
encouraging the conserve-through-CFL approach too and he'll be encouraging all
Coloradans to keep track of the bulbs they change here.

So you all are the first to know; when you go to that link and enter the
bulbs you've changed (and when), you'll get a nifty analysis of how much you're
saving the world and how much you're saving yourself. Cool, eh?

Quite cool.

"Blow in Her Face and She'll Follow You Anywhere"

That and "Go on - Have a Fag" are my two personal favorites.












Just about sums up my life.

Can't help but wonder - what modern advertisement will *my* grandchildren make fun of?

h/t Elizabeth

A Cure for Homesickness

Remember my old superintendent - MaryEllen Elia?

The woman who is almost singlehandedly ruining Hillsborough County Schools?

The woman I berated in the editorial pages of The Tampa Tribune - not once. But twice?

Not happy with just f*cking up local schools, Elia is now considering a bid to f*ck 'em all up.

And in related news, several "A" schools, including the high school I worked at last year, are now "B" schools, due, in part, to destructive ideas emanating from Elia. And next year it will only get worse.

So good luck with that.

h/t Robin (even if it was at five o'clock this morning)

Assbag of the Week

Tucker Carlson - having an inferior moment:

CARLSON: He seems like kind of a wuss, though. I mean, don't you gotta be tougher than just the man who's against cynicism, the purer-than-thou candidate? Vote for Barack Obama because he's more decent than you are? I mean, come on. Give me a break.

The Most Important Independence Day Tradition

"Fireworks!"

"Barbecue garden burgers!"

"Beer!"

Ummm, no.

The reason for this particular season is The Declaration of Independence, people. A beautiful piece of poetry, this document deserves to be read *out loud* at least once a year (the very least) to your children, loved ones - hell, even to yourself.

Don't take Christ out of Christmas. And don't take The Declaration of Independence out of Independence Day.

The beer and barbecue will wait. Feed your mind and soul first.

Enjoy!

Good Old-Fashioned Family Fun

Western style.

Is Anyone Really Surprised?

"I'm happy at least that Scooter will be spared any prison time."

Feed Your Pets - Leave Other Animals Alone

Everyone knows not to feed bears, mountain lions, and alligators. Because these animals begin to associate humans with food, lose their fear, and become aggressive. Then Dangerous Alligator eats Tony the Toddler and Bubba shows up with a shotgun - just in time for the Eleven O'Clock News.

Sure, a few idiots are entertained by such tragedy. However, by and large, most people stay away from wild and dangerous animals.

So I got a question for you:

Did you know you're also not supposed to feed *any* wild animals? That includes, but is not limited to, raccoons, seagulls, deer, squirrels, etc.

Did you know that if you continue to buy that extra loaf of bread for "the birdies", they will get fat and lazy and all of a sudden the fragile ecosystem is f*cked up with animals who've forgotten how to fend for themselves? Such animals are more likely to get sick and spread disease.

I understand, Assbag. You had no idea.

That's what I'm here for.

And when Deer and Company come to depend on humans for food, they march their happy asses into our neighborhoods looking for more tasty treats.

"Look, kids! Bambi! Isn't life in the Wild West just awesome?"

Any idea what kind of animals eat deer - especially fat deer? That's right - mountain lions and other predators march *their* happy asses into our neighborhoods as well.

And that pisses me off.

So put your bread away and leave wild life alone.

I've been here ten minutes and already I've figured this out.

What's your excuse?

I'm Fine. And You?

Becky heard from an old high school classmate the other day. Reunions are funny, ours is next month, because they encourage people to reach out and reconnect with old friends.

Or so I've heard.

His name is Jon and he's going to the reunion that Beck and I cannot be bothered to attend. Because the last one blew.

And so did I, by the way. Chunks of bile all over the Howard Frankland Bridge on our way home.

Speaking of not hot.

So Beck relays their email exchange and says,

"I told him you and I were still good friends and he says hello."

I kind of chuckle and say,

"Good friends? You could just say I'm living in your house."

"I know," she giggles, "but just mentioning it without the whole story....well, I didn't want you to seem lame."

I laugh and then stop.

Lame? What the f*ck?

So I told her I'd write a template she could simply cut and paste into email correspondence for the next three weeks until we close on our newly bought house.

(Yes. Bought a house. We really are going to live here. Apparently.)

Here goes:

"Remember Katie Furey? Yes, frizzy hair and bad manners. She and I are still close. I know. I've been putting up with her sh*t for years and now I'm doing her laundry, too. Cause she lives upstairs. In my house.

My husband hired her husband, whom I adore because he listens to my stories and makes sloppy egg sandwiches and sometimes even rocks my daughter to sleep. So they are here, looking for a house, and I'm so excited.

Because I've always admired Katie and want to be just like her.

Plus her kids are great. Sure, they talk more than most people breathe. But that's okay. They're *gifted*.

And Katie actually looks presentable these days. Hair isn't nearly as frightening anymore. Started wearing makeup and clothes that fit. I know! Now that her body is acceptable and she's sworn off patchouli oil, I can finally introduce her around town.

Check her out at www.outinleftfield.com. And then you can admire her, too."

There. That wasn't so hard - was it?

"Great. So now I live in Windsor."

My favorite group of cousins live in and around Windsor, New York. They weren't always my favorite; then I grew up and got some taste.

Before age and wisdom, when I was younger, I was a bit of a b*tch.

Hard to believe, I'm sure.

Mom, siblings, and I would travel north from Tampa to stop in small Pennsylvania and New York towns (Dunmore, Binghamton, Windsor, etc.) to visit relatives. These were *small towns* people - television and radio signals were weak, everyone knew everyone else, and no one knew what to make of a loud-mouthed, snotty kid from Florida.

I'd begin conversations with, "Last month on HBO...you have heard of HBO, right?"

Or, "I saw Violent Femmes last month in concert, they were great...you have heard of New Wave music, right? Or are you only allowed to listen to John Mellencamp around here?"

That sort of sh*t. It's a wonder they didn't disown me.

Fast forward a few decades and here I sit, in Colorado Springs of all places, trying to find a theatre showing SiCKO.

No. Such. Luck.

The nearest showing is Denver. Which means I officially live in a small town. The sticks. The boonies. Windsor.

Perhaps this is karma biting me on the ass. Or something.

Gonna go see Waitress instead.

And yes, I still hate it here.

Charles Edward Fromage

Becky and I took our kids to Chuck E. Cheese's the other day.

I know.

Doesn't matter if the place is located in the wealthiest suburb on Earth, still attracts the same crowd as Wal-Mart.

So not hot.

We walked in and I'm thinking five bucks per kid for tokens. Becky did quick math in her head (while I'm taking off my sandals to include toes when carrying the four) and said Option #3 was the best deal. She knows I like saving money more than most people like junk food. Then I noticed the price.

"Ten dollars each?" I asked. "For tokens?"

"Come on, Cheap Ass," she said. "They'll have fun and we'll get to talk."

So, like many other instances in our twenty-five year friendship, I gave in begrudgingly. Handed my kids their cups filled with golden coins and they looked confused.

"Daddy gives us our tokens, but then we come back when we're done and he gives us more," Oldest said.

"Well, that's Daddy," I bark. "The *fun* one. You get fifty-four tokens each and that'll do for a year as far as I'm concerned. Now go play. And don't touch anyone. We don't need any diseases."

Within five minutes, Youngest walks by our booth in a panic. Becky wonders aloud,

"Where's his cup of tokens?"

"Christ," I mumble. "Kid! Where are your tokens?"

"I lost them!" he cries.

"Oh well," I snap, in need of a stiff drink, "No games then."

His beautiful brown eyes well up with tears and I want to slug him. Goddamn kids. Why are they so endearing and frustrating at the same time? Plus I've lost things - it blows. So I feel for him.

Feelings. They sure do suck sometimes.

"Come on," I mumble, taking him by the hand and letting him know in no uncertain terms that he's a pain in the ass. But that I love him anyway.

He takes me to the Star Wars game (of course) and says, through sobbing and sniffling, "I left them right there!"

I look at the floor. Clearly no longer there. I'm about to stroke out. Seriously. Cause I'm going to have to cough up yet another ten bucks so he doesn't cry for the rest of the week.

Then some kid, about eleven, says,

"Did you lose these?"

Hands Youngest his entire cup of tokens. I could have kissed the kid on the mouth. But that would have been a felony. And let's face it. I have enough problems.

"Thank you," I said. "That was a wonderful and honest thing you just did."

Took both my children back to the booth, confiscated their cups of 50+ tokens, and gave them each five. Said to come back for more when they run out.

Apparently Daddy knows a thing or two. Keep the tokens and dole them out slowly - because kids can't be trusted with sh*t.

My near-mental breakdown among sticky children and shitty pizza will be worth it if one mom's sanity is saved by me passing along such valuable advice.

You're welcome.