Or Maybe Not

I'll be the first to admit it - I'm pissed off.

Cold-ass/bloody nose-inducing weather, sick and tired family members, dry skin, antagonistic friends and bitter co-workers - kiss my tiny, toned tushie.

Then I read this.

What happens when a journalist I admire and respect compares Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama to Nixon and Kennedy - in the worst sense?

Matt Taibbi at his best. So I read. And then I stew. And then I wonder aloud, "Maybe he's right."

Can a candidate who takes such an enormous amount of money from pharmaceutical companies ever help us move toward universal health care? She voted for the war and never cried over *that*...

What about Obama? A more attractive package, hope and excitement is his aura, but what about his ideas are different?

"While Obama -- apparently spooked back into say-no-evil "general election mode" by his New Hampshire ass-whippings -- bared his vagina to the state of Nevada, Hillary coolly mopped the floor with him. She refused an invitation to describe him as "prepared" for the presidency -- a slight that was especially biting given that Obama had just moments before described his opponents as "capable" -- and reminded voters that her opponents might not be prepared enough to save them from two wars, a foreclosure crisis, a recession, terrorist threats and a host of other scary shit."

For the first time in my adult life I am unsure about our candidates, less hopeful about the future and disappointed that even Jon Stewart isn't a funny distraction anymore.

You heard me. A Daily Show blows without its writers.

Even Bill Clinton has turned into a prick.

At this point, I'm not sure who to caucus for on Tuesday.

John Edwards Did The Right Thing

I'm upset that Edwards' message didn't get the support it deserves. But make no mistake, Senator Edwards suspending his campaign before Super Tuesday was the right move.

Hopefully his supporters and delegates will side with Barack Obama.

Or Hillary Clinton.

Two good choices.

I'm going to caucus for Senator Obama. Because he'd beat the pants off McCain.

Can Hillary?

Parents Are More Important Than Teachers

I should know. I'm both.

From the Denver Post: A think tank of educators, law officers, and mental-health experts would research and test the best ways to prevent school violence under a bill announced Monday by Gov. Bill Ritter.

The School Safety Resource Center is supposed to help Colorado move into "prevention mode."

The best way to prevent school violence? Mommy and Daddy giving a sh*t about their children. That'd be a great start.

Why doesn't someone form a Resource Center that advocates for more parental responsibility? We have grown into a society of absentee breeders. Our kids spend more time with Britney, the Disney channel, MySpace friends, and daycare workers than they do with Mom and Dad.

School shootings are simply a violent symptom of a deeper disease.

We can't blame teachers for misunderstanding disturbing poetry assignments, resource officers for overlooking piercings and tattoos, or school counselors for missing the signals of an angry scowl when the kid's own parents don't care that he has a bomb-making factory in his bedroom.

Who's really responsible here?

I'm Not One for Comparing Modern Idiots to Hitler

Except when it's funny.

I Know That Dude!

I may not agree with the entire article (seriously, what's wrong with moving to New York?) but local friends like Andy are the reasons why, after being surrounded with uptight conservatives, I may not actually kill myself.

Try not to laugh. I dare you.

Fun Conversations With Co-Workers - "Back When Women Knew Their Place" Edition

"The surge is working," said Co-Worker #1.

"I'm in the middle of something and don't have time for your nonsense," I said.

"The surge is working," he repeated. "Does that bother you?"

"The surge is not working," I said. "Violence has been reduced because the other side is waiting us out. When we leave, sooner hopefully rather than later, the place will be a complete mess and then eventually we'll have three states over there. But they've got to figure it out. Not us. Now run along. I've got minds to mold."

"You know what I think?" he said.

Co-Worker #1 doesn't listen to me. On any level.

"I think," he continued, "that this world of ours is in a downward spiral, morally, and nothing is going to fix it."

I waited, expecting to hear, "...except the light of the Lord."

But Co-Worker #1 wasn't espousing religious dogma that day. Co-Worker #1 had a bit of the blues. But since he's so completely full of sh*t, I decided to engage.

"As a society, I don't think we're getting worse," I said. "There is plenty of room for improvement, but we're getting better as a people - morally speaking."

"We are not!" Co-Worker #1 said. "We're getting worse."

"Okay," I said. "When were we better than today?"

"Well, let's go back to a time when there wasn't the kind of crime we see today, women were respectable, music wasn't deplorable-"

"The 1950s?" I asked. "You're complaining about rap music and low-rise jeans while romanticizing the decade when black children couldn't go to school with white children? Blacks were made to sit at the back of the bus, use separate bathrooms? Legally. That kind of thing?"

Co-Worker #1 shook his head and said,

"Fine, let's go back further."

"When those same people were lynched for trying to vote? Or should we go back to the time when immigrant children were forced to work in unsafe factories rather than go to school."

"Ummm -"

"Or even further back when slavery was legal, before that when children were made to fight in wars and or do you long for the time when strong-willed women like me were burned at the stake?"

"That doesn't sound so bad."

"Those were the days right? For white men like you, I mean."

(Long pause while Co-Worker #1 prayed for something to fall on me.) I started to sing,

"'Cause the good old days weren't always good and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems..."

Co-Worker #1 looked at a student and sighed, wearily,

"History teachers are fun."

Ignorance is No Excuse

I realize this movie came out long ago, but last night I finally got to see Fast Food Nation.

This morning, Tam, a long-time OILF reader, sent me this article.

Coincidence? I think not.

Few weeks ago, Becky told me of a mutual friend who was eating some meat and bit into a shell casing. After the movie last night, Husband was visibly nauseated - and no, it had nothing to do with me in a nightie and everything to do with the graphic images of cows shocked, slaughtered and chopped up.

Becky and Husband both said the same thing.

"Doesn't that make you sick?"

The answer, quite frankly, is no. Not anymore.

Sixteen years ago it made me sick. So sick, in fact, that I decided to give up meat and refrain from eating in places like Burger King, McDonald's, Taco Bell, etc. (The list of places I won't go is so much longer than local establishments I will frequent.)

Never. Felt. Better.

And so my children are being raised with an awareness I didn't have until college. They don't know what the carcass of a dead animal tastes like. And I hope they never do.

How we eat effects not only our waistline, but our community, our people, and our planet. Don't dare try to pretend otherwise.

Anyway, because I no longer participate in our Fast Food Nation, I no longer feel sick when confronted with images of cruelty, suffering, and unhealthy, disgusting food options. I feel sad. But that's all.

Make no mistake - if you eat meat of any kind, you are participating in the 1) suffering of animals; 2) exploitation of workers, and 3) profound harm toward our planet.

Bon appetit.

Local and State News

---If you haven't already done so, please fax, email and/or call all the members for the House Health and Human Services Committee.

Ask them to:
SUPPORT HB 1158, The Health Freedom Bill
VOTE NO on HB 1064, The Naturopathic Physician Bill

If you, too, have dinner to make, remember that you can go to The Health Keeper's Alliance website, complete the forms, and they will email AND fax all the members of the committee for you.

---Lt Col Hal Bidlack has decided to run against Lamborn for the 5th Congressional seat. Bidlack certainly is a heck of a lot more qualified for the job than Lamebrain.

---And most importantly, I'm voting for Naked Pete. You?

"Say, Do You and Your Kids Want to Come with Us to the Rodeo?"

Ummm. No.

Assbag of the Week - Michael Savage

Four major companies quickly pulled out and are no longer advertising with The Michael Savage Show.

I know. We rock.

Unfortunately, the USO is standing behind the Weiner. They refuse to pull their ads from his program.

Listen as Savage screams about the Koran like an insecure madman.

"...a document of slavery and chattel!"

Doesn't he realize the same can be said about the Torah and the Bible? Instead of a thought-provoking discussion regarding the cruel and inhumane sections of our holy books, and how those "commandments" resonate today, he's just screaming nonsense that only appeals to the lowest common denominator.

King Assbag and his legion of Assbag Fans.

We wouldn't accept it if he said these things about Jews or Catholics or anyone else. So we shouldn't take it when he goes after Muslims either. Please call John Hanson, spokesman for the USO, and let him know this is just not acceptable. (703) 908-6400

Cause we're not a nation of Assbags.

Are we?

Speaking of Minutia

After arriving home yesterday afternoon, I listened to my incoming messages and heard an unfamiliar voice.

“Hi, this is Monica* over at Gloss – A Denim Bar. Please give me a call when you get in.”

For those who might not remember, I am suffering from Flat Ass Syndrome – a horrible condition that renders a perfectly acceptable ass flat when in a pair of jeans. Becky and I tried desperately to solve this dilemma recently and I wrote about it in “Booty Call.” This article was picked up and published in our local paper.

Since Gloss was the store we spent most of our time in that day, I figured they were calling to

1) thank me for the free press,
2) invite me back, and,
3) oh, I don’t know, maybe offer a huge discount as a reward for my wit and ability to turn a phrase.

Umm. Wrong.

“We don’t have $355 jeans,” Monica said when I called her back.

Okay. But the article wasn’t about *your store* so much as *my bum*. I thought it was funny…

“Besides,” Monica said, “we don’t just sell expensive jeans. We offer $60 jeans as well. And no one named Elizabeth* works here.”

“First of all, I sometimes put an asterisk and change names as a courtesy so that some people are not embarrassed by anything I write,” I said. “Secondly, I didn’t see a single pair of jeans in your store for under $150. No one brought me $60 jeans to try on. I can assure you.”

“I just don’t want people thinking our jeans are so costly. Our most expensive pair is $319.”

Long pause while I used my fingers and toes to do the math.

That’s right. Monica called me *at home* to complain that I misrepresented her prices by $36 and ask me to print a correction.

As if a person shopping for premium jeans would say, “$355 is a bit too much, but $319 fits my budget as perfectly as these jeans fit my ass. Ring ‘em up!”

She went on to say that I should come back, drink a glass of wine, and they’d find a perfect pair for me. I don’t have to “go undercover” and then write about it.

Go undercover…who am I? Geraldo?

“No worries,” Monica said close to thirty times. “This store is my baby and I don’t want the wrong facts getting out there.”

Both Becky and I could have sworn the price tag said $355 but does it really matter? Shouldn’t the store owners and workers be thrilled with any type of press out there that creates positive buzz about their product? It wasn’t a negative article.

It wasn’t embarrassing either. Not to them. I didn’t say the jeans were cheap and disgusting. I went the other way.

If I can live with a picture of my bottom half in saggy Gaps for the entire community to see, I don’t want to hear anyone b*tch and moan over a difference of $36.

“A friend of mine recently celebrated a birthday and her husband got her a $300 gift certificate to Gloss,” I told Monica.

Therefore, I doubt I’m hurting her baby’s bottom line.

But maybe I should go elsewhere to cover my cooch. Plenty of owners would love to see their store as a setting in a funny story in the paper.

“One quick question,” I asked. “How did you find me? My number isn’t listed.”

“Google,” she said.

Great.

People, just a tip: Unless you’re offering a store credit or compliment, don’t call me at home. Contact the editor for Christ’s sake. I’ve got dinner to make.

Too Much Time On My Hands

I love asking friends and online acquaintances for help. Most respond with such wonderful suggestions and/or smartass remarks that I am thrilled to have put myself out there. They make it all worthwhile.

This is the situation: I've been researching and taking tutorials on business writing.

Oh. Good. Lord.

I just want to shoot myself.

Doing that stuff in Boston was fun back in the late nineties, but now I'm either too old or just not interested.

So. On to Plan B.

For several years now, I've been cranking out delightful best man speeches, matron of honor speeches, corporate and political nonsense, plus a eulogy or two and people seem to respond well to what I've written.

So why not start charging them?

I asked some creative types to give me their ideas for a business name.

Here is a sampling of the responses.

Chase: Best man speeches? You mean I could've had someone help me write: "Jim, you s'um bidch, the guys an' me, we never thought you'd find any chick let you get in her pants ... good luck, y'ole bastard. Hey, what's with the cheap beer? I gotta go take a leak now..."

Then there's this.

Aaron: How about Shit Talkers, Inc.?
Me: Oh sure. That’ll get me hired.
Aaron: Got you a husband.

It's also nice to know I have options.

Beth: Can I still be your personal assistant?
Me: You won't miss teaching? In Florida? Without a bathroom break?

Michelle: Maybe you'll hire me.
Me: Yes! And we'll get an office in Boston. Added bonus - you can defend me when I get arrested.

More than a few friends sent some outstanding suggestions. Which was nice, considering I can’t pay them.

I did offer to write their eulogies. So that’s something.

An idea or two, for your consideration:

- Jugular
- Center Field Speeches
- Catherine Durkin Robinson: Speech Writer
- The Robinson Group, LLC
- Catherine Durkin Robinson, LLC
- CAROB
- Polished to Perfection
- Leggo Your Ego
- Off The Fence
- The Write Idea
- Rocky Mountain Speech Writers
- Toasts, Boasts, and Roasts

What do you think? Vote for one or come up with something clever so I can take it and make it my own.

Completely up to you.

Dude's Exhausted

I don't blame him. What is that guy talkin' about? Besides, Bill has to keep up with Hillary. And he ain't gettin' any younger.

Actually, he looks like every relative I've ever had who made it past 70 and tried to stay up all night long with me during my annual Jim Jarmusch marathon.

I Get The Best Emails - Ongoing

To: Catherine
From: Paul
Subject: The Benefits of Outsourcing - Safety First in China

Have you ever wondered how China can make stuff cheaper than the US?

The Construction Site Hard Hat


The Dust and Particle Free Breathing Apparatus


OSHA Approved Scaffolding


And my all-time favorite: The Lightweight Welders Mask

Attention: Latte Lovers

I believe in free speech.

Even though it's never free.

I show my name, face, and other assorted body parts sometimes to prove a point, stand behind my words, back up my beliefs, and get you going.

That's right, baby. To hell with the consequences.

Obviously.

Newspapers, writers, pundits, radio talk show hosts all do the same thing. They stand up for what they believe in and, for that, they are to be commended.

What if you don't agree with what they say?

Cry about it.
Post anonymous comments like other chicken shits who don't have the courage of their convictions.
Read something else.
Turn the station.

Is it fair to contact sponsors and ask them to pull their ads?

Absolutely.

Whether I agree or not with the sentiments behind individual efforts, we all have a right to exercise our own freedom of speech by voting with our wallets. We contact companies to let them know that we won't be doing business with anyone who supports something vile or corrupt.

Or gay.

Socially responsible boycotts work. So do scare tactics. How you view them depends on which side you're on.

So what happens when a company pulls its support for progressive ideals? Happens all the time. What works for us, can also work against us.

Therefore, as always, it's up to us.

Locally, Starbucks received a complaint about The Independent and pulled the paper from all its Pikes Peak locations.

If we don't complain, they won't bring back Colorado Springs' only alternative newspaper.

For those who are interested in contacting Starbucks regarding this shift toward conservatism:

Email The Independent and they will forward all emails to Starbucks.

Call the coffee chain directly at 1.800.23.LATTE or visit their website.

Starbucks, headquartered in Seattle, is a large contributor to progressive causes and candidates. When a local activist called their customer service number, they said they wanted to hear from all of us on this issue.

What works against us, can also work for us.

So get on it.

I'd Probably Be The Crack Spider's B*tch

Which one would you be?

(Brought to you by First Church of Christ. Promoting stereotypes in Jesus' name since 1975.)

h/t Robin

Conversations with Co-Workers - Ongoing

"I have a question," I asked. "Why are they feeding deer in Gunnison?"

"You making plans to help this weekend?" Co-Worker #1 asked. "I bet that's right up your alley. Helping the animals, protecting them from death."

"No," I said. "I'm against feeding wild animals. Why is the Department of Wildlife doing such a thing?"

"Gunnison's economy relies on hunters," Co-Worker #3 said. "If Gunnison loses a majority of their herd to starvation, when hunting season rolls around, they're gonna be in a heap of trouble."

"I see," I said. "So they're keeping the deer alive now in order to kill them later."

"Something like that," said Co-Worker #3.

(long pause while Co-Worker #1 stares at me.)

"What?" I asked.

"You're a liberal vegetarian and against feeding animals? I don't get you at all," he said.

Never Gets Old

Go Pats.


From my Boston boys.

Too Bad "Assbag of the Week" is Taken

Michael Savage spews vicious anti-Muslim hate speech on his national radio show.

Tell him what you think about his hate-filled rants.

Email him.

Call his radio show between 6-9PM ET: 800-449-8255

Contact his advertisers:

• Geico Insurance (800) 861-8380
• Intuit (TurboTax) 800-811-8766 (keep pressing 0 to get to a real person)
• Wyeth Consumer Healthcare (Advil, Robitussin, Centrum) (800) 322-3129
• Chattem (Gold Bond, Icy-Hot, Garlique) - THANK YOU CHATTEM!
• ITT Technical Institute - THANK YOU ITT TECH!
• Union Bank of California - THANK YOU UNION BANK!
• Office Depot (800) 463-3768
• Stamps.com
• USO (Support the Troops) (703) 908-6400 *
• USDA (MyPyramid.gov) (888) 779-7264 *

* USO is a non-profit organization that does not pay for its PSA's to air. Although it claims to have no control over when its advertisements air, it has refused to even request that its ads not run during the Michael Savage show.

Tell his advertisers to stop supporting such a Weiner.

Oh, To Vacation in Belgrade

"What do you mean Pol Pot's room is taken?"

"I'm so sorry, Ms. Robinson. But we have a lovely Hitler Hideaway for half the price."

"What kind of amenities you offering?"

"Will Smith's movies on twenty-four hour cable and all the Warsteiner you can drink."

(long pause)

"Plus free porn."

"I'm in."

h/t Michelle

Told Ya

Lathen named to replace Bruce on commission.

Can someone get Dougie to come out against Edwards?

Just wonderin'...

Fun Conversations with Family Members - Ongoing

…via email. Edited for time constraints and humor. Or lack thereof. You decide.

To: Catherine
From: Blood Relative
Subject: Your comments
Nana wasn't a registered nurse. She was an LPN, totally different. Just so you know.
***************************************************************************
To: Brainy Relative
From: Catherine
Subject: Whatever
My point was that she worked a job while feeding and caring for six kids. I don't care if the job was cleaning shit out of a toilet. She still worked.
*****************************************************************************
To: Piss Ass
From: Patient and All-Knowing Kind One
Subject: Your Crab Ass
Why was your response pissy? I was just trying to help out.
******************************************************************************
To: Always Right
From: Always Wrong
Subject: Cry About It
Sometimes, as the writer, it's frustrating when, example, I write something long and (prob insufferable) about John Edwards being the best president for this country and we shouldn't care that his brown hair costs $400 to cut and I list all these reasons why he rocks and would benefit the planet and someone says, "Umm. He has blonde hair not brown." Argh.
*******************************************************************************
To: Suffering for Your Art
From: Your Favorite Critic
Subject: Get Over Yourself
I just don't like inaccuracies. Who cares about haircuts?
********************************************************************************
To: Perfection On Earth
From: Evil Doer
Subject: Blah Blah Blah is All I Hear
A piece on John Edwards where someone comments about menutia like his hair color is the same to me as a piece about obesity in this country where someone comments about menutia like Nana's nursing license. Bring it up in an effort toward clarity, but neither is really the point.
*********************************************************************************
To: Dumbass
From: Smartass
Subject: FYI
You spelled *minutia* wrong.

He Really Seems to Care. About What, I Have No Idea.

Apparently we’re up shit’s creek without a paddle.

There’s the housing slump.

Plus the Dow’s losing more points than a guy on a date with me using plastic utensils, slurping pig’s feet and professing undying love for Dick Cheney.

Check this out - Homeboy’s all f*cked up about it.


Jim Cramer CNBC Meltdown - Watch more free videos

"We have Armageddon."

And so you’ve been warned.

Prediction: Amy Lathen Will Win

Because if The Cowardly Lion hates her, she’s got to be doing something right.

Have a Good Long Weekend, Peeps

Assbags of the Week - Unhealthy Fat People

I'm not talking about those who are pleasantly plump, a bit on the chubby side, or stocky fellows who "wear it well."

Obviously. Big fan.

I'm not talking about those who genuinely struggle with weight issues, either. Hefty men and women who clean themselves up and put pride in their appearance. Moms and Dads working it one day at a time to get healthy.

More power to them.

I'm talking about those who celebrate their cottage cheese thighs and make it worse by wearing awful clothes, frequenting Cost Cutters instead of a professional and chalking it up to *personal freedom*.

"Hey, I don't care that you have to look at me every day," they shout."I'm perfect just the way I am!"

I'm talking about those who are morbidly obese. Fat asses draining our health care industry. I'm talking about you - breaking your nurse's back as she picks you up when you bust ass on her watch.

I don't believe we all have to be a size 0. Nice try, though. But I'm also not buying into the bullshit that big is beautiful.

Cause it isn't. It's disgusting.

If you don't believe that we are made in God's image, our body is a temple, and we show our gratitude by taking care of ourselves, fine. You don't want to take what all animals do, *eating*, and elevate it to something holy - that's all right with me. To each his own.

Forget God for a moment.

What about your f*cking family?

I mean, seriously, explain this one to me. It doesn't just stop with food either. It's an entire way of life I don't understand. How can you shove vile, disgusting sh*t down your throat, enormous amounts of it, turning your body into a boat, skin to saggy leather, liver into a shrunken prune, lungs into a smokestack and sit around on your thunderthighs when you've got children or a spouse or friends who care about you and need you to live longer than your arteries can handle?

It isn't about you, Tons of Fun. It's about them. You show your love and concern for them, or lack of it, when you let yourself go to pot. Instead of thinking about that third helping and goddamn brownie calling your name, you ought to be thinking about your daughter. She might need your guidance one day and the money you spend recovering from a triple bypass could put your son through grad school.

And I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but America can no longer afford to keep you alive despite yourself. We've got sick babies and bankrupt families who played no part in their own demise.

They come first.

The next time you're in the grocery store or a restaurant and order sh*t from a waiter and tell yourself it's your God-given right to pollute yourself as you see fit, think about your family. And the rest of us who foot your bill in the emergency room.

Show some goddamn respect.

Then order a salad and walk around the block a few times.

Suffer the Children

A few weeks ago, I got a phone call from the principal of my sons’ school. Seemed Youngest was involved in a scuffle with his classmate Allen*. As my peace-loving heart began to break, Principal said it was nothing to get upset about.

“While investigating this incident,” Principal said, “I’ve discovered that Allen had hit your son, and other children, a few times leading up to today. Your son went to several teachers for support and finally had had enough. So he turned around and stopped Allen from hitting him by pushing him away. Therefore, Youngest isn’t in any trouble. I will deal with Allen. In light of everything, Youngest’s behavior is understandable.”

I thanked Principal and hung up the phone. However, as I walked over to their school at the end of the day, I couldn’t comfort myself by completely agreeing with him. At the same time, I couldn’t bring myself to punish Youngest. We had a talk about Allen and the importance of staying away from him. And that was it.

I mentioned this to several friends and family members.

One dear friend said, “If a bully yelled at your son and he defended himself with words, you’d commend him. Well, if a bully threatens the kid physically and he defends himself physically, you should commend him as well. We can’t always respond to the physical with words and calm rationalization. Because it doesn’t work. We respond like to like.”

Another said, “Somebody got up in his grill and he defended himself. Good for him.”

Perhaps.

If you agree with the above sentiments, does your mind change with the knowledge that Allen is mentally handicapped?

As a special education teacher, for years I thought mainstreaming, the practice of educating the disabled along with non-disabled children, was a great idea. We hoped that disabled kids benefited from being around their peers and non-disabled kids learned tolerance and understanding.

Sometimes that can happen. One of my favorite stories this year was when Oldest came home and talked about Elaine*, a severely disabled child in his class. Elaine was walking down the steps and slipped. Oldest helped her down safely and she grabbed him and hugged him.

“It was in front of everyone,” he said, “and the kids started to laugh. I didn’t want Elaine to feel bad so I hugged her back. The other kids stopped laughing.”

Such lessons, and the leadership qualities they elicit, are invaluable. However, more often, I see frustration in students whose classroom time is interrupted by tantrums and inappropriate behavior. I’ve also seen evidence that severely disabled kids get frustrated as well, when they can’t perform or learn the same material easily grasped by their classmates. Children can sometimes be cruel and often overwhelmed teachers, who can’t possibly be everywhere at every time, are sometimes powerless to stop the taunts and abuse that occurs.

Do handicapped students belong in classes with non-disabled kids?

Recently The Gazette ran a series about a local special education student who was sexually assaulted in the hallway of her high school. Kalie McArthur was so disabled, she needed constant adult supervision.

She was left alone in the care of a peer buddy, a fifteen year-old boy, which resulted in tragic consequences. There are many people who handled this situation badly, as the article points out, but nowhere does it ask the relevant and important question: Is a high school, filled to capacity with 1600 kids, the proper place for such a girl?

Allen and my son get along fine now that Allen’s medicine has been altered to help him deal with anxiety. But I can’t help wondering, in the midst of trying to educate everyone equally, are we hurting the very kids we’re trying to help?

You Should Have Totally Done This At Your Wedding

Oh well. Maybe next time.

h/t Dalia

Equal Time

Matt Taibbi is through with the Republicans, I guess, and will now start reporting the *real* story behind our favorite Democrats.


Obama is first.

Iowa and New Hampshire have had their say -- who will Colorado vote for?

It's decision time for millions of progressives just like us.

Which candidate deserves our vote to become the next President of the United States?

Vote right now for your favorite candidate in a unique online poll of progressives across the country.

Please vote here to pick your president.

Dems Club Meeting

Allison Hunter is (sadly) no longer running for office. Family comes first and all.

Downside: Doug Bruce is, so far, unopposed.
Upside: Allison continues as President of the Dems Club.

Location: Bambino's Pizzeria (SE corner of Circle & Platte)
Date: 01/17/2008
Time: 6:00 PM

All you can eat pizza, pasta, salad & bread!
Adults $10.00
Kids $7.00

Should Have Guessed Something Was Up When My Hair Stylist Laughed Maniacally While Stirring the *Potion*

The conversation I thought I had with Rico*.

Him: So what's on tap for today, Kate?

Me: I'm in the mood for something that will not only cover up those stubborn greys but create a youthful glow so that strangers will never suspect I'm wearing support hose under this corset.

Him: How about Magnificent Morning #426? Redken. Golden brown with a hint of amber. You'll glow like a ray of sunshine.

Me: Let's do this.

The conversation I must've had instead.

Him: So what's on tap for today, Kate? (As he drinks several shots of whiskey.)

Me: Something that will not only cover up those stubborn greys but turn me into the Maiden from Macabe.

Him: Elvira #426. Redken. Your students will think you're the undead. Coordinates perfectly with your pale skin.

Me: Let's do this.


Cause apparently Goth is back.

Does anyone know where I can trade support hose for fishnets?

Just wonderin'.

Could The Media Have Missed the Real Story?

The real winners in New Hampshire were Obama and Edwards.

From The Huffington Post...

Gives me hope and all.

Was a Natural Birth Experience Stolen From Me?

I suppose we'll never know.

Twin A was feet first. Doctors said there wasn't enough room to move him around, what with Twin B right up his ass and all.

The cesarean section was necessary.

That's what they told me.

I'll never know if there was another way. My broken dreams of a peaceful, drug-free water birth were overshadowed by my joy at the arrival of two healthy baby boys.

In other words, I got over it.

However, I wonder about all of us who were sold the idea of a c-section at the expense of a wondrous experience that could have brought our babies into the world a better way. We have an atrocious infant mortality rate. Our country's health care system is a mess. It's no wonder that the birthing business is in crisis as well.

Too many women blow off our dependence on drugs. Such a painful experience, they say. And the number of c-sections these days? A c-section is nice and quick, they say. Easy. Plus your vagina stays all tight and sh*t.

Perhaps.

But what are we trading for all these conveniences?

The Business of Being Born dares to ask such questions. And I can't wait to hear the answers.

h/t Dalia

I'm Nothing, If Not a Giver

Attended a Drinking Liberally event the other night. Good turnout.

I know. There ain't supposed to be miracles no more.

Seventy-six people, in northern Colorado Springs, who publicly admitted to being progressive.

Take that, nonbelievers!

Jay Fawcett showed up along with several candidates for public office. Trying to change the face of El Paso County politics and all. We watched the New Hampshire primary returns come in and the four or five Obama people played nicely with the rest of us who are voting for John Edwards on February 5th.

One or two mentioned voter fraud as Hillary took the lead. Don't know how those Ron Paul supporters got in, but they're funny drunks so we let them hang out awhile.

Linda Seger joined us to talk about her book explaining why Republicans don't have the corner on Christ. She was giving away free bumperstickers so, of course, I picked one up for Co-Worker #1.

He likes me more and more every day.

Fun Conversations with Co-Workers – Ongoing

Equal Time Edition

We have a slightly angry and overdramatic student.

Rose* sits with her hoodie up over her head, hair in her face, and she refuses to look at us. Says she only looks people in the eye once she trusts them. Fantastic. She wears a Marilyn Manson t-shirt and plays with her tongue ring while I’m trying to get her pumped about Reconstruction and what an asshole President Johnson was.

Fun stuff.

Luckily, Rose has teachers who help thaw out the nonsense with patience and kindness. In other words, I fight the urge to tell her 1) Marilyn Manson is a boring and regurgitated Alice Cooper/Bowie clone; 2) that tongue-ring makes me wanna hurl; 3) sit up straight; 4) “Look at me when I’m talking to you!”; and 5) her Ally Sheedy-routine is so twenty years ago.


Instead, I try light-hearted sarcasm. Almost always works.

“If a fire breaks out and I save your life,” I said, “then you’d probably trust me. However, short of a near-tragedy that requires great heroism sure to get me featured on Lifetime’s Movie of the Week, how does one earn trust in a simple school setting?”

Rose shrugged her shoulders.

“Or maybe I just fail you when I say I'm going to fail you,” I said. “That'd make me trustworthy, right? And what about you? How are you going to earn my trust? Maybe if we get to Spring Break and you *don’t* kill me?”

A flicker of a smile.

It’s a start.

Then Co-Worker #2 stuck his head in my classroom.

“If there’s any teacher here that deserves your trust, Rose, it’s Ms. Robinson.”

I blinked several times and wondered, if this was a dream, why didn’t Co-Worker #2 look like Owen Wilson?

“Ms. Robinson,” he continued, “is out there every day, fighting the good fight, rooting for the underdog, while the rest of us lazy bums watch television. I’ve never met a person who has such good intentions at heart.”

Co-Worker #1 stuck his head in the classroom as well, because, like the Lord, he hears everything.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, skeptical and annoyed.

“It’s true,” Co-Worker #2 continued. “Catherine works hard to make the world a better place and ought to be commended. I’d trust her with my life.”

(long pause while we wait for the punchline)

“Wow,” I finally said to him. “Write this date down. The date I actually started to like you.”

And so it is. Not all evangelical conservatives in Colorado Springs suck.

Who knew?

I Signed It.

And don't you want to be just like me?

Where are John's and Hillary's Colorado Springs Offices?

This Thursday, January 10th, the Barack Obama campaign is opening six more Obama for America offices across the state -- Denver, South Denver, Boulder, Fort Collins, Pueblo, and Colorado Springs.

Come visit his grassroots movement for change that is spreading throughout Colorado. They are a great bunch of people.

Even if you're an Edwards supporter, like me.

Join your friends, neighbors, and others at the office opening in your area.

Just Say No to Florida's Marriage Amendment

The St. Petersburg Times just published a powerful editorial actively opposing the marriage amendment. In part, the editorial states,

"Under the amendment, Florida's cities and counties that maintain domestic partnership registries may have to shut them down, with those couples possibly losing health and other partner benefits."

Click here to read the entire editorial.

Nearly every major daily newspaper in Florida has joined with Fairness for All Families and come out against the amendment, while making clear the real harm that could be done to all unmarried Floridians including seniors, public employees and others who rely on domestic partnership benefits to protect their loved ones.

If you haven't already, please make your commitment now to oppose discrimination by joining the Fairness Campaign today.

More Great Emails From You to Me

Jesus...Reagan...Whatever works.

To: Catherine
From: Sheila

I saw this website and thought that you might get a kick out of it. I know that you are digging your new conservative Colorado neighbors, so this should be right up your alley.

You should sign up to receive the free pocket-sized Constitution.

Done. If it's free, it's for me.

Seriously Now

Isn't there a better way to celebrate the legacy of Dr. King than to light some candles and march down the blackest street in town?

Just wondering.

Assbag of the Week - Bill O'Reilly

Sign the open letter.

Okay - Who Sent My Posts to PETA?

Liberals can be mean.

Especially animal-rights-activist-wacko liberals.

The kind that hate women and children and, apparently, me.

Conservatives can be misguided and thoughtless. Remember "rw"? He spent a good year trying to convert me and gave up. Sent him an email this weekend and received a one-word response: REMOVE.

Thankyouverymuch.

But angry liberals who can't get laid are the worst.

Scroll down and check out the comments. Personal favorites: The dog whisperer in tune with Fido's inner soul and the one who sees rage where there's really just a need for curl relaxer.

Speaking of rage...

- check out these comments. Good Lord. I've said it before and I'll say it again: tell me who you go with and I'll tell you who you are. These people all hang together. If one of them believes weak women and small children should be Scooby snacks, well, I wonder about the rest as well.

Crazy fools don't even know where to post relevant comments and are all over the place. Hey, click on a few ads while you're at it and make me some money, Lassie lovers!

Besides, Becky made a good point: Skanky ho is so 1985.

None of my newest fans even have the balls to leave their names when posting comments. Not one of them has the courage of his/her convictions.

So someone passed around my pro-child, anti-Rolo post from last month and motherf*ckers lost their minds.

Oh well.

F*ck your scare tactics, misplaced priorities, death threats, intimidation, and small dicks.

When you're done, you can kiss my ass. And eat a rolo.

Yummy.

I Get The Best Emails Reason #55

To: Catherine
From: Husband

I found this beautiful winter poem and thought it might be a comfort to you. It was to me and it's very well written.

"WINTER"
A poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre


"Sh*t, it's Cold!"
The End

Eight Years Old

My babies did not come into the world in the usual way. Nothin' *usual* about them. Thank God.

From an old post.

On this day back in 2000, two wonderful little boys entered the world.

Funny story: I actually went into labor a week beforehand. Ain't that something? I happened to be in the doctor's office due to gestational diabetes (I loved me some apple juice) and my nurse asked if I felt okay.

"Gas pains," I said.

"Gas pains?" she repeated. "Come into my office, put up your legs and let's have a look."

I'd have been more thrilled with such a request if I hadn't been eighty pounds overweight. Turns out I was dilated, in labor, and never even knew it. How's that for being one tough b*tch?

By the time January 7th rolled around, I was ready to pop. Twin A positioned himself feet first so they had to perform a C-section. So sad because I had planned to give birth underwater with candles burning nearby and soft music playing in the speakers overhead. Although Husband may have needed a sedative, the rest of us were going to experience the entire event drug-free. However, the Lord had other plans. When doctors gave me an epidural and asked how my legs felt, I truthfully answered,"Hairy."

At 11:24, Oldest was out and about.

At 11:27, Youngest joined the crew.

They were beautiful and strong-willed from the beginning. Within twenty-four hours, both pulled out their feeding tubes and were ready to hit the high road. I should have known then that my hands would be full for the rest of my life.

My sons are getting bigger and developing their own take on the world. Looking back at old pictures simply reminds me that the journey, so far, has been fun.

And it's only just begun.

Happy birthday boys.

He Had Me At "Patients' Bill of Rights"

Donate today.

Let's Get All the Dick We Deserve

Four heart attacks, quadruple bypass surgery, angioplasty, an implanted defibrillator, an emergency procedure for an irregular heart beat.

Dick Cheney's medical needs? No problem.

For millions of Americans, this medical history would be a prognosis for calamity. Un-payable medical bills. Canceled insurance – if you’re fortunate enough to already be covered.

But not for this patient. He's King Dick. And, like members of Congress and the President, he has a guarantee – all the coverage he needs, when he needs it, from the provider of his choice.

A government-financed healthcare system with few restrictions or prohibitive costs.

Isn’t that what we all deserve? Let the Presidential candidates and members of Congress know – we all deserve CheneyCare, guaranteed healthcare for all.

A New Year's Assessment

"What's wrong?" he/she asked.

"Not sure," I replied. " Just thinking about life."

Something's been nagging me lately. What is it?

Family's good. Friends are delightful. I'm healthy. In shape.

Nothing I can do about my hair.

Spiritually, I'm on target. Helping out causes I believe in. That's always good.

Colorado Springs is okay. I'm not in love with the area, but that's not the reason I'm pensive. Besides, there's no such thing as a geographical cure. I can't just say I'm not happy with the area, move to another town, and expect a renewed transformation to show on my face.

So what's with the blues, Kate?

Then it hit me. I'm not really thrilled with my career. Teaching is great, don't get me wrong. I enjoy touching the future and connecting with kids. Opening their eyes up to our history and how it affects us today is thrilling. However, the job itself can be tedious, thankless and, let's face it, the pay is shit.

Before mommyhood, I achieved a great deal of success as a businesswoman in Boston. Technical writing came easy to me and I have experience writing business plans and grants. Gave it all up to stay home and play with my twin sons. When they started preschool, I needed something to do. Teaching was a compromise. It allowed me to get out of the house and, yet, continue to put family first.

However, with so many breaks and a relatively short workday, perhaps I can do a bit more.

Why not start writing again - business, grant, technical writing - to supplement my shitty pay and build a second career?

This is my new year's resolution.

Which means I must form an LLC. Which means I must come up with a name.

And this is where you can help.

Should I call myself Catherine Durkin Robinson, LLC or should I come up with a catchy name? Something easy to remember...

Let the opinions flow like a mudslide. You have my number.

Let's Learn from Dubya's Mistakes

In February 2004, 62 leading scientists—including many Nobel laureates and former presidential science advisors dating back fifty years—issued a statement to bring attention to the Bush administration's manipulation, suppression, and distortion of science. In the years since, more than 12,000 scientists from all fifty states have endorsed the statement. A complimentary citizens' call-to-action, which echoes the scientists' concerns, has earned support from tens of thousands of non-scientists.

The misuse of science won’t end unless the next administration understands the importance of independent science to informed decisions about our health, safety, and environment. That's why Union of Concerned Scientists is kicking off 2008 by shifting the focus from the misdeeds of this administration to the responsibilities of the next one.

Here's how you can help:

If you’re a scientist, engineer, or advanced health professional, please sign the scientist statement on scientific integrity today.

If you’re a non-scientist, you can still help! Sign the citizens' call-to-action.

UCS will be using both documents to encourage presidential candidates to commit to restoring scientific integrity to federal policy making. Your last chance to sign the scientist statement on scientific integrity or the citizens' call-to-action is January 25, 2008.

So get on it.

From the Humane Society

Florida's wildlife needs your help now!

Time is running out for the Florida Hometown Democracy Amendment -- a ballot initiative that seeks to control unsustainable sprawl and development that destroys wildlife habitat. Much of Florida's open space has been eaten up by rampant development, diminishing the qualify of life for the people of Florida and displacing and harming wildlife. Several species that have served as icons for the state are now considered rare or imperiled, often due directly or indirectly to habitat loss caused by development and roadbuilding.

Your signature can help protect Florida's wildlife.

Was Last Night's Vote a Vote Against the War?

Michael Moore seems to think so.

Hillary thinks she lost because Iowa voters can't fathom a woman in charge. Indeed, they've never elected a woman governor, senator, or US Representative.

Or did Iowa voters go for Obama and Edwards because, in the words of my co-workers, "those guys are just more likable"?

As a strong-willed and opinionated woman, I hate to hear such comments made about Senator Clinton. I asked my co-workers to do some soul-searching.

"If Hillary had a penis, would you be all right with her resolve and ambition? Are you turned off by *her* or are you turned off because she's not a traditional female serving in a traditional role? So many times, the qualities we respect in a man, make a woman, with those same qualities, a bitch."

I hope John Edwards leaps ahead and becomes our nominee. If not him, then Barack Obama. Senator Obama represents positive change as well, although his accepting a great deal of money from the health care industry is troublesome.

If Obama and Edwards give way to a Clinton win, I'm okay with that, too. She was behind a great many of her husband's successes and would do a better job for our middle class than Huck, Mitt and Rudy combined.

I'm just wondering what we can learn from last night, if anything at all.

Yes or No?

Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee won in Iowa yesterday. Will this bring forth their parties' nominations?


The Independent printed (an edited version of) my letter about violence in Christianity. YourHub is publishing my articles in their printed papers all over town. Will this bring forth paying gigs?

Time will tell.

I'm All About the Lord

Here are some upcoming and uplifting events in our area.

The Front Range Jewish Center is hosting a Rebbe's Tish at a private home in the Black Forest area on Saturday evening, January 12, 2008. Rabbi Mel Glazer of Temple Shalom will conduct Havdalah at 5:00 P.M.

Following food and beverage, there will be an open tent discussion on: The Potential for Jewish Life in the Springs.

I know. Here's my observation - "Find someone to make decent mandel bread and they'll come."

Since space is limited, please RSVP to Don Thomas no later than Thursday, January 10, 2008.

And another thing...

The Faith and Politics Project is sponsoring an Engaged Spirituality Forum at Iliff School of Theology on January 12, 2008.

Many people of faith do not believe that the Religious Right speaks for them. They see their values in a much broader context than the hot button issues of homosexuality, abortion, and Britney Spears. They are concerned about poverty, healthcare, pre-emptive war, immigration, protecting the environment, and ethical government. But is the Democratic Party speaking to these issues in ways that resonate with people who want to vote their values? In other words, is the American Idol audience interested?

This forum is designed to help Democratic officials, candidates, and activists hear the concerns of people who are informed by their faith traditions and to create frames that broaden the values debate to include the critical issues that progressives care about. Find out how can we reclaim, reframe and articulate our message in ways that bring hope instead of fear, and welcome people of faith into the Democratic Party.

Cause, let's face it, the Republicans suck.

Can I hear an "Amen"?

To reserve your spot.

Olivia's Kiss

Chapter 2 is posted - so please read it and tell a friend.

I know, I know.

One day *you'll* write a book much better than Olivia's Kiss.

Sure.

But until you actually get off your fat ass and write it, why not support someone who did?

Just Like Happiness and Success

Misery is self-bestowed.

So have a glass of wine.

And get over it.

Or read about how to bring more of it on yourself.

Completely up to you.

I Get The Best Emails

To: Catherine
From: Bob

Coincidence that you moved there and now they are #1?

If I can't help surrounding towns reach heights of lustful greatness, then no one can.

You're welcome, Denver.

My pleasure.

Seriously.

Still Can't Believe -

- there are enough liberals and progressives to warrant *two" Drinking Liberally chapters in Colorado Springs.

The first meeting of the northern Colorado Springs chapter of Drinking Liberally will be Tuesday, January 8th, 7:30PM at Champps Restaurant, 1765 Briargate Parkway.

This newest chapter doesn't yet have an e-mail address, nor a spot on the Drinking Liberally website, so if you have questions, let me know.

Cause I know people who know people.

See you then!

"Why is he talking in slow motion?"

Years ago, while working in Boston, I had a friend named Dan Dangler.

I know. Porn name.

Anyway, one day, Dan was talking about a game that he, his wife, and several couple friends had played the night before.

The object of Scruples is to ask the participants questions and hopefully their answers would match your answer card: yes, no, or depends. If their answer matched, then you got rid of the question. If they didn't, you had to pick a new question. The first person to get rid of all their question cards won.

Dan said one of the questions had caused a horrific argument and they had to put the game away: If you discovered your spouse once had an affair with a member of the same sex, early in your relationship, would you contemplate divorce?

Apparently the women said, "Of course." The men said, "No, we'd ask you to invite her back."

Sounds about right.

I immediately wanted Scruples for my very own. Unfortunately, every game store in Boston said the same thing: "We got rid of Scruples because people kept returning it. Caused too many fights."

Best. Sales pitch. Ever.

I so wanted this game.

A few of our friends had similar stories about arguments and bad feelings when trying to get through a Scruples Game Night. They warned me to stick to Trivial Pursuit instead.

Amateurs.

A year ago, Husband found the game online and bought it for me. On New Years Eve, we played Scruples for the first time with friends Aaron and Melissa.

We're still friends today.

Here's the deal - you have to play with people who are open-minded, easy-going, and tipsy. Some sample questions:

You are in a drugstore and notice a twenty dollar bill on the floor. Do you keep it? (Aaron - "Depends. Is it a small store or a big store? Security guards? Oprah Show cameras? I'll return it if I'm going to be featured on YouTube.")

Browsing in an 'adult store' at lunch hour, you witness a colleague buying a large inflatable woman. Do you mention it to co-workers? (Melissa - "Yes." (long pause) "Would I have to mention that I was in the store, too?")

Your brother is engaged to marry someone who you think is bad news. He's in love. Do you try to reason with him? (Husband - "Yes. Although my brother would probably say, 'Third time's a charm'.")

You're in charge of a stakeout for a rapist. At the risk of tipping off the rapist, do you warn women in the neighborhood of the danger? (Me - "No. We catch the son of a bitch and string him up by the balls. More wine please.")

Rapists, sex toys, and ethical issues. Good times.

We played three or four rounds and laughed so hard water came out of Melissa's nose. Twice. We learned a lot. For example, Aaron was a ladies' man before he got married and his hair fell out. He'd also help just about anyone - including a boring old man who's talking about fruit flies. Melissa would turn in an elderly woman who stole some bacon, but she would allow her kids to give away lemonade to thirsty joggers. I'd fire an ugly anchorwoman to bring in more viewers but wouldn't sell a historical building no matter how much money was offered. Husband wouldn't tell potential buyers that the neighbors were loud, but he'd go broke burying his painintheass father wherever his painintheass father wished to be buried.

What other game do you learn about your friends, how long it took for them to have sex, their thoughts regarding stale bread in a restaurant all while drinking two bottles of wine and some champagne?

Better than watching Dick Clark, people. Seriously. That dude is scary.

Who wants to play next weekend?

Funniest Thing I've Seen All Year

Balls Of Steel: Crippled Girl - Watch more free videos