Happy Halloween

At first Oldest wanted to be Rocky and Youngest wanted to be a lawyer. They changed their minds when they put on these masks in Target and got laughs from everyone in the store.


What those people were laughing at...I have no idea.

Don't Forget to Vote

I'll do anything to get an "I Voted" sticker for my bustier. Check it.

3:30pm - Arrive at Jimmie B. Keel Library . Stop at Obama table and request Jimmy Buffet tickets. "They're free, right?" Volunteer Gestapo snorts. By the time she's done with me, I've promised to canvass, make phone calls, wave signs, and buy someone in the Tampa office two drinks on Election Night. When walking away, Oldest says, "Nothing is ever free, Mommy. Not even love. I learned that at school last week."

3:32pm - McCain supporter yells, "There's only one hero on the ticket, sweetheart! Vote for McCain!" Youngest says, "Right. That's gonna happen." Oldest rolls his eyes. When did they become teenagers?

3:35pm - Get in line and kids complain they're thirsty.

4pm - Still in line. Children bored and asking questions like: "What happens if there's a tie?" "How will Barack Obama know he's the winner?" and "Does your body ever run out of spit?"

4:30pm - Still in line. Oldest has to pee. I send them into the library together. Rest of line grateful.

5:00pm - Search for children who are playing computer game where George Bush is selling hot dogs on Pennsylvania Avenue. It's the only job he can get after January. Whoever makes the most hot dogs in a minute wins and gets to bop Bush on the head. Kids try to convince me it's *educational*.

5:30pm - Finally up to vote. Boys color in the ovals so they can "help hire the President and all those other guys."

5:32pm - Oldest accidentally colors in "yes" for Amendment 2. "Who are you working for?" I demand to know. Kid swears it's an accident. I'm still skeptical.

5:35pm - Try to scan in the ballot, which is rejected. Volunteer looks at me like I'm special needs. "You can't fill in both yes and no, ma'am." I wrinkle my nose. He says, "You can either get a new ballot or this amendment vote won't count." I look at Oldest. "It had to be 2, huh? Not Soil Conservation. Or the property tax amendment. Had to be 2."

5:37pm - Request a new ballot. Ask if new kid comes with it. Volunteer rolls his eyes. "Was it the President ballot or the Amendment ballot?" I mumble, "Amendment 2." I get a new ballot and go to our table. Children pissing and moaning about *hunger pangs.*

5:38pm - Amendment 2 isn't on the ballot they printed for me. Volunteer scowls. "Amendment 2 is on the Presidential ballot, ma'am. I'm going to print this out for you, but you better be careful. Three is your limit." Great. Dude sounds like my bartender.

5:45pm - Finally leave polling place. Rest of line grateful. Kids want to do this "online from now on."


If you vote with your children, you can take their stickers, too. Cause you'll have earned them.

Have fun. And do your part.

What Could You Do With Sarah's Spending Money?

Sarah Palin - A Neiman Marxist

What would you do if you had $150,000 to spend? Buy a house? Pay for prescription drugs?

The Palin wardrobe in one month cost more than the average American household spends on clothes in 80 years.

"Spending $150,000 for a one month wardrobe while painting yourself as a 'hockey mom' or the voice of 'Joe Six Pack' is an insult," said CNA/NNOC Executive Director Rose Ann DeMoro. "They're saying Obama is a Marxist, but the real Marxist is in the McCain camp – she's just a Neiman Marxist," said DeMoro.

Click here to play the Dress Sarah Palin Game and see how much that money could really buy.

October Surprise?

Is it possible that John McCain was involved in an accident in 1964 that could have left someone injured or dead?

I'm not one who buys in to conspiracy theories, but Vanity Fair isn't exactly The Inquirer. When they requested accident information from the Navy, they received this response:

"The patient admission record logs that you seek are exempt from release," wrote G.E. Lattin, Deputy Assistant Judge Advocate General, "as information in personnel and medical files, as well as similar personal information in other files, that if disclosed to a requestor, other than the actual person in which the information is pertaining to or next of kin, would constitute a clearly unwarranted invasion of personal privacy."

Check out the entire article here.

h/t my brother

That's Right. I Like Jimmy Buffett.

Don't you dare judge me.

Two days before Election Day, SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2, the Jimmy Himself will hold a free concert in Tampa to support Barack Obama's Campaign for Change. (Plus I heard a rumor that BO Himself is going to show...)

Tickets can only be obtained by visiting one of the Campaign for Change Early Vote information tables at locations listed below and are limited to two per person. Visit FL.BarackObama.com or call 1-877-2FL-OBAMA for more information.

Sunday, November 2
LAST CHANCE FOR CHANGE RALLY WITH JIMMY BUFFETT
Ford Amphitheatre
Tampa, FL

Media access: 1:30 PM
Gates open: 1:30 PM
Show begins: 3:00 PM

The event is free and open to all Florida residents and students. Two free tickets per person are available on a first-come, first-served basis at the locations listed below.

For more information, please visit FL.BarackObama.com.

TICKET LOCATIONS:

***Tickets are available starting at 10:00 AM on Wednesday, October 29. Early Vote information tables are open from 10:00 AM to 5:00 PM daily.***

***For security reasons, do not bring bags and please limit personal items. No signs or banners permitted.***

Early Vote Distribution Centers:

BRADENTON
J&J Bar-B-Q
B2620 8th St W
Bradenton, FL

VOTE AT:
Manatee County Supervisor of Elections Office
600 301 Boulevard West, Suite 118
Bradenton, FL

CLEARWATER
Campaign for Change Sub-Office - Clearwater
34 North Fort Harrison Ave
Clearwater, FL

VOTE AT:
Pinellas County Courthouse
315 Court St, Room 117
Clearwater, FL

Campaign for Change – Clearwater
133 North Fort Harrison Ave
Clearwater, FL

VOTE AT:
Pinellas County Courthouse
315 Court St, Room 117
Clearwater, FL

HOLIDAY
South Holiday Library
4649 Mile Stretch Dr
Holiday, FL

VOTE AT:
South Holiday Library
4649 Mile Stretch Dr
Holiday, FL

LAKELAND
Campaign for Change – Lakeland
5385 Gateway Blvd, Bays 12-14
Lakeland, FL

VOTE AT:
Lakeland Courthouse
930 E Parker St
Lakeland, FL

Mitchell’s Coffee House
235 N Kentucky Ave
Lakeland, FL

VOTE AT:
Lakeland Courthouse
930 E Parker St
Lakeland, FL

LAND O’LAKES
Rapscallions Restaurant
4422 Land O’ Lakes Blvd
Land O’ Lakes, FL

VOTE AT:
Land O’ Lakes SOE Office
Clark Professional Center
4111 Land O’Lakes Blvd, Room 105
Land O’ Lakes, FL

LARGO
Professional Surveys
8550 Ulmerton Rd
Largo, FL

VOTE AT:
Starkey Lakes Corporate Center
13001 Starkey Rd
Largo, FL

NEW PORT RICHEY
Campaign for Change – New Port Richey
4809 Grand Blvd, Suite P
New Port Richey, FL

VOTE AT:
South Holiday Branch Library
4649 Mile Stretch Dr
Holiday, FL

Or

West Pasco Government Center
7530 Little Rd, Suite 110
New Port Richey, FL

The Breakfast Station
7335 Little Rd
New Port Richey, FL

VOTE AT:
West Pasco Gov Center
7530 Little Rd, Suite 110
New Port Richey, FL

PLANT CITY
Wisdom Center Smoke House
624 S Evers St
Plant City, FL

VOTE AT:
Plant City - City Hall
302 West Reynolds St
Plant City, FL

SARASOTA
Buddha Belly Donuts
1990 Main St, Suite 112
Sarasota, FL

VOTE AT:
Sarasota County Terrace Building
2001 Adams Lane
Sarasota, FL

ST. PETERSBURG
Campaign for Change – St Petersburg
2321 Central Ave
St Petersburg, FL

VOTE AT:
County Building
501 1st Avenue North
St Petersburg, FL

Globe Café
532 1st Ave North
St Petersburg, FL

VOTE AT:
County Building
501 1st Avenue North
St Petersburg, FL

TAMPA
Campaign for Change - Tampa Downtown
817 East Washington St
Tampa, FL

VOTE AT:
County Center
601 E Kennedy Blvd
Tampa, FL

Campaign for Change – Tampa USF
14519 North 18th Street
Tampa, FL

VOTE AT:
Temple Terrace Library
202 Bullard Pkwy
Temple Terrace, FL

Cut N’ Style
3817 S Manhattan Ave
Tampa, FL

VOTE AT:
Jan Platt Regional Library
3910 S Manhattan Ave
Tampa, FL

Joe Chillura Courthouse Square
602 E Kennedy Blvd
Tampa, FL

VOTE AT:
County Center
601 E Kennedy Blvd
Tampa, FL

Salcines Park
1705 N Howard Ave
Tampa, FL

VOTE AT:
West Tampa Library
2312 West Union St
Tampa, FL

Terrace Sports
5311 E Busch Blvd
Temple Terrace, FL

VOTE AT:
Temple Terrace Library
202 Bullard Pkwy
Temple Terrace, FL

Urban Culinary Cuisine
10016 Cross Creek Blvd
Tampa, FL

VOTE AT:
New Tampa Library
10001 Cross Creek Blvd
Tampa, FL

WESLEY CHAPEL
Winner’s Sports Grill
5429 Village Market
Wesley Chapel, FL

VOTE AT:
Wesley Chapel Village Center
5325 Village Market
Wesley Chapel, FL

Less Than a Week to Go

Did Anyone Who Attended Chamberlain High School in 1987 *Not* Know Darby?

I went to high school with Darby and now she's fighting cancer. Although the prognosis isn't good, she is responding with courage, faith, and love. She is an inspiration to us all.

Darby was always nice. No one I know has ever had anything bad to say about her. Do you know how rare that is? Her husband John also graduated with us. His locker was right next to the locker I shared with Becky so we often met before class and talked and joked around. He was always nice, too.

It cannot be easy to hear that you won't be alive to see your children grow. I cannot fathom the strength it takes to not only carry on, but to consider the suffering of others and spend your final days doing something about it.

I know Darby and John have a great deal of faith, in God and each other, and can only assume that their faith sustains them. Many readers here believe in the power of prayer.

So say a prayer for Darby (Bissett) Steadman, her husband John, and their children. There isn't a better conversation to have with God today than to suggest he keep her here with the rest of us. Raising her children and inspiring everyone.

h/t Holly

Canvassing for Obama with Eight Year-Olds

I've been going door-to-door, talking with voters, since I was eighteen years old. In fact, when I interview for jobs (all the time, even now) I'm often asked if I have experience dealing with challenges.

Usually, I just point to my hair.

If the interviewer wants more, I talk about canvassing for Michael Dukakis in Florida in 1988.

'Nuff said.

Since my children were in strollers, they've been out with me. They remember talking to angry white men in Lutz about John Kerry when they looked like this.


I warned them Grandpa doesn't *like* to make sense when he votes, but they kept trying.

They remember talking to people in South Tampa about Jim Davis two years ago.

And this past weekend, we were out there again. We avoided vicious dogs, got some exercise, handed out campaign literature, discussed the issues, and left a sense of urgency about the importance of voting.

Know what I've noticed? People are way more polite when the boys are with me.

One guy was clearly itchin' to slam the door, but Oldest saw his Notre Dame tattoo and said, "I wanna go to Notre Dame and play football!"

That big Irish son of a b*tch smiled in spite of himself.

Then Youngest talked about meeting Barack Obama, shaking his hand, and how Obama will cut taxes for 95% of Americans.

That big Irish son of a b*tch is rethinking his allegiance to McCain. Guaranteed.

Maybe the next time those slackers in the Tampa office want a cute Jewish vegetarian to get out the vote, they'll look no further than the Robinson boys.

Two for the price of one, Elizabeth. Beat that.

I Get the Best Emails - Ongoing

A woman contacted me and I'm bummed because I accidentally deleted her email.

This about sums it up, though - she's pissed.

Lady with Too Much Time on her Hands read my nonsense about Tiny Angry Man and wants to set the record straight. Let's see if I can remember the highlights. She wants me to know that -

1) Todd Schnitt is a *nice* guy who often pays people out of his own pocket.

2) Jabberjaw was fired *as a joke* and she should have come to work the next day. Schnitt apparently fires people all the time. He's a hoot that way. Once even fired himself. So she should not have taken it seriously. Stupid Jabberjaw.

3) I'm a hypocrite for liking Bubba the Love Sponge because Bubba hates women and says awful things about their boobies. Katie = bad feminist.

The lady who sent me the email asked me not to publish her name because it could ruin her career.

If I promise not to reveal your true identity - coughrondastormscough - will you continue sending me emails?

Fingers crossed.

A Night Out with Me

"Momma, you should go out tonight and have some fun for yourself. Stay out late," Youngest said.

Really?

Oldest concurred. "Go to dinner and see a movie. And then have a few drinks afterward."

I looked at my parents.

"Don't hurry back," they said.

I grabbed the latest edition of Rolling Stone, put on my Hot Mama jeans, and took off by myself for a few hours.

Went to dinner at Boston's and had a few mojitos. Because reading about David Foster Wallace can get depressing without liquid love. Then I saw Religulous with about fifteen other seekers.

Great movie.

Bill Maher does a fantastic job of documenting religious mumbo, mocking fundie nut jobs, and lamenting centuries of violence done in the name of the Lord.

My friend Robin teaches a Folklore class and will be happy to hear that the movie points out about three or four pre-Jesus stories that include a:

1) virgin birth
2) Dec. 25th birthday
3) healing the sick
4) talent for raising the dead
5) messiah figure's death
6) messiah rising again on the 3rd day or some such nonsense

I love it when Maher recounts the Lot story about how angels came to Sodom and were almost raped by the townspeople and then Lot said, "Don't rape them. Here. Take my daughters instead."

And he was the good guy in town.

Bill Maher held up the Holy Book and said that surely we can find something better than the King James Bible when swearing to uphold the law.

The movie didn't get into the good that religion has done. In my history classes, I always strove for balance and talked about women's advances in Islam (that predated women's advances elsewhere) and the good that Jews and Christians did when bringing about civil rights in the 1960s or ending slavery in the 1800s.

But Religulous ain't about all that.

Best part? Maher ended the movie talking about how doubt is humble and to seek is profoundly human. Then he showed clips of wars and destruction done in the name of God or Allah.

"Because when we think *we* know what's best and everyone else is wrong...we f*ck shit up."

Perhaps I'm paraphrasing, but you understand the point.

Not that he's an atheist. Atheists have the same degree of certainty that religious folks have and one is not any better than the other.

This hit home. Maher said that those of us who are only moderately religious should take a long look in the mirror because if we belonged to a social organization that had such deep historical ties to misogyny, homophobia, child rape, killing, and other acts of horrific violence - we'd have turned in our resignations long ago.

Leaving religion altogether? Hmmmmm.

Talking to my brother on the way home, he said we could say the same about our own country and we ain't jumpin' ship and moving to Canada.

I dunno. The more I learn, the less I know. Moderate Judaism mixed with Buddhist philosophy works for my family and provides a solid foundation for our children. But I'd be lying if I said I was sold. On religion or anything else for that matter.

A Memoir

Funny story - my last name used to be "Furey." Twenty years ago today, when Husband and I started dating, he once said, "Hell hath no woman like a Furey scorned."

In related news, I wrote a memoir about teaching in Tampa. More about the plot later.

I have two concerns. And by *two* I mean *several.*

1) Should I publish it using people's real names? I have two versions. One with fake names and one with real names. At first, I changed names and identifying characteristics in order to protect identities. Why? I didn't want anyone getting fired or divorced. Now. Well. If they're not going to speak to me, it might as well be for a good reason. Besides, I don't think anyone will get fired for the revelations within and divorce has already occurred for a few of the characters. So I'm going with real names.

2) Will I get sued? Somehow I doubt it. If memoirists got sued, no one would write memoirs, right?

3) Will I get killed? Again, somehow I doubt it. Besides, my memoir is already out there with real names in it so the list of suspects is compiled. I only changed my husband and children's names. Why? They're the only innocent characters in it.

3) What should the title be? This is a story about a sassy and delightful teacher, we'll call her Catherine. Catherine starts out full of promise and hope. However, she taught in Hillsborough County - the most scandalous school district in the nation. What's that saying? If you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas. As a result, Catherine almost lost her way and her mind. I'm thinking: Hot for Teacher. One of my friends suggested You Don't Want to Know Her. If you have a better idea, let me know.

If I use your title, maybe I'll invite you to the launch party.

Wassup 2008

Back before the Bush Error began, my favorite commercials featured the Wassup Guys. How are they doin' eight years later?

See for yourself.

My Ramblings

Thanks to an interested reader, I discovered my links to previously published works weren't working.

Now they are.

If you are so inclined, and have nothing better to do, peruse the sidebar and read some nonsense the good folks in mainstream media deemed worthy enough to publish for the three people in town who still read newspapers.

Bra fittings, sleepover camps, and the one where I praise George W. Bush in particular is a riot.

The St. Petersburg Times, The Tampa Tribune, and more...it's how I met most of you.

Ahhh, the memories.

This Site is a Bummer-Free Zone

I like Will Ferrell's eyebrows and the picture of Laura Bush on his desk. It's the little things with me...



What are they gonna do in less than two weeks when Obama wins? I can hardly wait.

Another A-List Celebrity Endorsement for Obama

Fight the Smears

I'm getting crazy emails from people raging about Barack Obama not being born in this country or Barack Obama killing children.

You are too?

Direct these mouthbreathers to this site. Or go there yourself and send your uninformed friends witty rebuttals in record time.

Use my response as a template if you wish. You don't even have to credit me. I won't mind. Just cut, paste, change the particulars, and hit reply.

Dear "Insert Freakshow's Name,"

"Insert insane conspiracy theory" isn't true. In fact, Barack Obama "insert historically accurate version here." If you'd get your head out of your ass long enough to listen to something other than The Schnitt Show, you'd be able to separate truth from fiction and wouldn't need me to bitchslap you all the time.

Understand this, you sound as wacky as those people who believe 9/11 was an inside job. Conspiracy theories on either side are nutty. And not believable. They usually involve too many people and assume those people can keep secrets. These theories also imply complicity within the media. I have friends in politics and media and simply know beyond a doubt that they'd NEVER be able to keep a secret and they'd NEVER ignore a story with legs that would get them fame, glory and a spot on MSNBC.

That's why conspiracy theories are never ever true.

People who believe other stories are nutty but theirs are fact are just as wacky as those who think other religions are nutty but theirs is the LIGHT AND THE TRUTH.

It's all nutty. Take off the tin foil hat, move out of your mom's basement and get laid. Life is for the living.

Kisses,
Katie

Then sit back and watch my kid's new favorite video and laugh at the douche nozzles among us.


Unbelievable McCain Vs. Obama Dance-Off - Watch more free videos

Works for me.

My Worst Nightmare

"All God's Children Welcome - Except Catherine Robinson."

Check out this video - I especially like it when the older woman calls me all those names.



How long until we nuke Iran? Customize the video and send it out to those who need encouragement to get to the polls and vote.

Two weeks dollies. Let's do it.

Health Care for America Now

As entertaining as it is to watch rightwingers lose their motherf*ckin' minds over the idea of a black man in the Oval Office, there is other work to be done.

Massive deregulation is what caused the current financial crisis, yet the insurance industry wants more deregulation so they can take more of our money and give us even less coverage in return.

Hell to the no.

Through massive lobbying and advertising campaigns, the insurance industry has made it clear that it stands opposed to any real solutions to our health care crisis. Do your members of Congress know where you stand?

Get crackin', b*tches.

Today across America , AFSCME, in partnership with the “Health Care for America Now!” (HCAN) coalition is calling on Congress to demand real health care reform. Give your members of Congress a call.

Demand quality, affordable health care for all! Dial 1-888-436-8427

With health care costs rising and wages falling, causing one bankruptcy every 19 seconds, it's clear any solution to America 's economic crisis has to include health care reform. Even if you've called your members of Congress before, please do so again. So far, we have 95 members of Congress on board with our effort, but that isn't enough to win health care reform yet. We need your voice!

Congress works for you!

Top 5 Reasons Obama Supporters Shouldn't Rest Easy

1. The polls may be wrong.

Sure, most people say they're voting for Obama when talking to the nice lady on the phone, but once inside the voting booth, they might let their inner rednecks out. I know five of them in Lutz alone. Don't get me started on The Springs.

2. Dirty tricks.

You can tell that Republicans are all kinds of freaking out. The smears, robocalls, and scare tactics are out there in full force. Yes, some of it's amusing. Until the smears work and then we'll be the ones all kinds of freaking out.

3. October surprise.

I mean, come on. Do *you* trust Karl Rove?

4. Races can shift—fast!

Remember when Reagan was behind in the polls and then came from behind to win? I do. What? You remember Happy Days episodes and I remember political campaigns. Like QJ would say, don't you dare goddamn judge me.

5. Landslide.

In order to get shit done, we need the kind of landslide that will give Barack a huge mandate. To match his huge...vocabulary. Dude is SMART.

If you agree that we shouldn't rest on our collective ass, please sign up to volunteer at your local Obama office by clicking here.

Later taters.

"Hi, my name is Catherine." "Hi, Catherine."

Support groups aren't really my bag. When I was in college, Mom suggested I go to Adult Children of Alcoholics so that I wouldn't wind up with a drunk husband and a boatload of unresolved issues thanks to Bio Dad's "likey the drinky" parenting style.

Instead, I read books about it and married a nice Jewish boy who never touched the stuff.

However, now that I'm faced with a dwindling platelet count, I'm thinking an ITP support group might be good for me. Especially if the group meets online and I don't have to sit in a room with strangers, donuts, and bad coffee.

They might help me find a productive way to deal with mood swings that come from frightening scenarios and nerve-wracking blood draws. Full disclosure: I might act like watching them draw my blood, spin it, and read numbers lower than George Bush's approval ratings doesn't bother me, but that's all it is, folks.

An act.

ITP support groups might help me come up with a creative way to hide bruises from loved ones and friends without feeling like a victim of domestic violence. I just don't want them to worry...

And what's up with platelet-boosting herbs and potions? Do any of them actually work?

I've already been contacted by a few people who've had loved ones with ITP. But did you catch that key word - had? No offense, mourners, but I'd like to talk to people who are actually *living* with this disease.

Cause survivors are hot. Victims are not.

I know that I don't have it as bad as some and I certainly don't want to sit around feeling sorry for myself. I'm just trying to deal the best way I know how and sometimes I don't think I'm dealing well at all.

The other day I cried about the Rays beating the Sox. Who does that? Outside Massachusetts, I mean?

A healthy dose of hope and solution-based therapy is what I need - support groups might be my bag after all.

Fingers crossed, peeps.

Because We All Live Close to Russia

If you're in Facebook, look this up and join us...

Event: International Talk Like Sarah Palin Day
What: Study Group
Start Time: Tomorrow, October 21 at 12:00am
End Time: Tomorrow, October 21 at 11:55pm
Where: Wherever mooses be found

h/t Jennifer

I Get the Best Emails - Ongoing

To: Catherine
From: Rebecca

Dear Red States

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington , Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high-tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sometimes Me Think - What is Friend?

When my children were younger, they loved this show. And this was my favorite segment, always crying at the last line.



I'll admit it. I'm not the bestest friend in the whole world. I can be spoiled, selfish, and demanding. My worst fault is probably my lack of patience.

But a person who cries over a Cookie Monster song can't be all bad, right?

Besides - I'd totally give you the last cookie.

And I believe that counts for something.

Proving Her Sense of Humor Isn't as Dead...

As her poll numbers.

Proving His Sense of Humor Isn't as Dead...

As his wife's facial nerve endings.



And Barack wasn't bad either.

Fun Conversations With Becky - Nurse and Best Friend

Me: I want to tell you something, but I don't want you to freak out.

Becky: Great.

Me: A few days ago, I was carrying a bag that was heavy. Not too heavy. I wouldn't want my little hernia to pop out because they'd have to repair it surgically and that would f*ck up my brand new belly.

Becky: God forbid.

Me: Exactly. Anyway, the bag didn't feel too heavy, but when I got undressed that night there were large purple bruises along my shoulders, you know, where my bra straps are...like where I'd been carrying the bag.

Becky: How big?

Me: Big enough. Like bruises only more purple and weird looking.

Becky: Pools of blood inside. This is because you have ITP.

Me: Right.

Becky: How long did the bruises last?

Me: They're fading now. About five days.

Becky: Shit. You better call the Hot Hematologist.

Me: There's nothing he can do. There's nothing I can do. What's the point? Have him say, "Call me if you get headaches. Could mean a brain hemorrage." Who wants that going into the weekend?

Becky: He's your doctor and needs to know. Call him.

Me: Moving on. Last night the boys had another baseball game. We didn't get out of there until 8:30pm.

Becky: Sounds like loads of fun.

Me: I know. But can I tell you something? Don't let it get out, but I'm actually enjoying these games. Watching the boys have a good time out there is fun. I know it's going to sound corny, but going to the ballpark is sort of all-American and hearing the crack of a bat and parents cheering is heartwarming. Everyone is laughing, there is a cool breeze. I kinda like it.

Becky: You are bleeding in the head.

Me: Relax. I bring my laptop and get work done at the same time.

Becky: Thank God. Maybe you'll be okay after all.

Me: Told you.

Becky: Kate?

Me: Yeah?

Becky: Call your doctor.

OILF Endorsements

As I peruse my ballot and see familiar names, both good and bad, it occurs to me again that I'm so happy to be home.

Now let's kick some ass.

President and Vice-President: Barack Obama and Joe Biden
Okay, so you were right. A few of my friends have talked me into volunteering for the campaign so I guess I gotta vote for them. I do wish Obama's policies were more progressive which only furthers my belief that the day after the election, the real work begins.

Congress District 9: Bill Mitchell
Mitchell is an educated man who appears thoughtful, well-read, and wise. So not Bilirakis. Mitchell believes in a timely withdrawal in Iraq, opposes offshore oil drilling, and supports a woman's right to choose.

State Representative District 60: Ed Homan
Homan is a physician and lawmaker whose years of experience seem to make him a thoughtful and measured legislator. He's against offshore oil drilling and wants more children in our pre-kindergarten programs.

Property Appraiser: Rob Turner
Turner doesn't seem as off the wall as his opponent. He also promises "to cut costs and improve service during what looks to be tight times ahead."

Tax Collector: Doug Belden
Belden has developed a web site, started electronic payments, decreased customer wait times, and increased the percentage of calls answered within 20 seconds. This year, he became the first tax collector in the state to win the Governor’s Sterling Award.

Supervisor of Elections: Phyllis Busansky
I've been a huge fan of hers since she was a County Commissioner in the late 1980s. Everything she's done, she's made better. It'd be good to have her back.

Board of County Commissioners District 2: Ken Hagan
Seems to work well with others and has had a few successes with traffic issues and child safey laws. Has no opponent.

Board of County Commissioners District 6: Kevin Beckner
Because Brian Blair is batshit crazy. 'Nuff said.

Justice of the Supreme Court Charles T. Wells: Should he be retained? Yes.
Wells was appointed by Lawton Chiles. In 2008, the lawyers who appear before him recommended he continue. Good enough for me.

District Court of Appeals: Should all judges be retained? Yes.
A good majority of all lawyers who appear before them voted for retention.

School Board Member District 7: Stephen Gorham
Kurdell has been there a long time and our schools aren't getting any better. Gorham is married to a teacher and would do better for our educators and students.

Soil and Water Conservation District Group 2: Undecided
Jeffrey Garbus is a Libertarian and Betty Jo Tompkins seems like a country gal who loves W. I have no clue which is worse.

Amendment 1: Yes.
This deletes language which allows the Legislature to create laws to prevent aliens ineligible for citizenship from owning property. Our Constitution shouldn't include discriminatory language dating back to the 1920s. We're better than that.

Amendment 2: No
This would define marriage in the state Constitution as between one man and one woman. Again - we're better than that. This could also prevent public employers from providing domestic partner benefits to employees who are part of a same-sex couple.

Amendment 3: Yes
Owners of homes and other residential property would receive small property tax breaks for improvements in energy efficiency and hurricane protection, such as permanent shutters. The tax breaks would be minimal, but it could lead to lower insurance and utility payments. Plus it's good for the environment.

Amendment 4: Yes
This has widespread support among environmental groups. If a landowner signs a conservation easement on their land to restrict its use “in perpetuity”, then they don't have to pay property taxes.

Amendment 6: Yes
Marinas, commercial fishing facilities and other “working waterfront” businesses could receive a property tax break because the property would be assessed according to current use rather than potential use. Seems fair to me.

Amendment 8: Yes
Community colleges should be better funded and a local referendum would put that decision directly in the community's hands.

Providing County Mayor with Veto Powers: No.

Continue Financing Environmental Lands: Yes.

Keep in mind, folks, that I'm voting this way because I think it's the right route to take. Not because I think all these picks will win. (RedSoxcoughRedSox)

And if you think I'm wrong, please let me know. I haven't voted yet.

Leave Joe the Plumber Alone

He's allowed to go to an Obama rally and he's allowed to ask questions. He may have been planted there and he's obviously ill-informed. Joe the Plumber will probably vote for McCain.

Umm. He's allowed.

His questioning gave Obama the opportunity to shine. And shine he did. Check it.



When was the last time we had a President who could answer a question on the spot without butchering the English language or embarrassing the country?

Joe or whatever his name is doesn't deserve to get trashed on the Internet or in Facebook. He doesn't deserve to have his family life or tax status revealed for the world to see. It's not Joe's fault that McCain exploited his situation and brought him into the spotlight.

All he did was ask a question. A good question.

Leave him alone.

Romance with Republicans

For $4281 per person, you can take your sweetheart on a romantic cruise for Valentine's Day and share your "pressing thoughts" with those who have done so much to set back, err, I mean, *advance* the conservative movement.

I bet Tommy Tancredo would love to get all up in my pressing thoughts.

Yes, folks, laugh at the unfortunate among us and sail the high seas in the one of the globe's worst polluters. If that doesn't sound like right-wing fun, I don't know what does.

I'd love to go but I'll be busy that weekend foreclosing on my house.

A Facebook and Political Whore Conversation - Ongoing

Last night I watched the debate and thought McCain did well. I wanted Obama to fight back more, but he didn't.

Still. It's too late for McCain and the Membrane. In November, we will all toast an Obama presidency. Then some of us will retire to the couch and bitch about how nothing is changing (pleasepasstheremote) while some of us bust ass and still get nothing done.

In other words, little will change.

I'm glad the debates are over, but I'll miss the conversations. Over at The Political Whore, Wayne tried his best to keep us all on topic. We were more engaged in the issues for this go around, despite Wade's channeling of Matt Taibbi. But even with Wade's skeptical, yet accurate, view of the world, he still had an intriguing way of inviting me to get laid.

Read for yourself.

Then there's Facebook. That lovely creation where we can get together and learn from 180 of our closest friends. Well, Gina has way more than that.

Some excerpts:

Catherine is "watching the debate to find out who's in the hospital. Thanks Johnny!"

Ron is "wondering if McCain dated Nancy back when she was doing the early "talkies"."

Catherine "wants to be known as Joe Sixpack and Joe Plumber's cousin Joe Mama."

Kenneth thinks "McCain is getting high off the sharpie between questions."

Matt "is fearing a run on hatchets and scalpels."

Sara "wants to see this damn piece of paper she keeps hearing about."

Catherine "wishes she knew ahead of time that blinking eyes is the new "my friends"."

Kenneth "figured it out. Palin is off the ticket tomorrow, Joe the Plumber is on."

Jim "is watching the end of the McCain campaign. Na na na. Hey hey hey. Goodbye."

Debbie "knows McCain isn't President Bush. He's much older."

Catherine is "hearing nothing new."

Sara is "happy that Joe is rich and congratulates him too, does that mean he is now, Joe-kegger?"

Gina "will refer to this debate heretofore as the Joe the Plumber debate."

Lee is "hoping the MSM finds Joe the Plumber tomorrow and his response to all of this is "Sorry, I was watching baseball."

Catherine "remembers that the pro-life movement ends at birth."

Catherine "wants to tell McCain that autism isn't Down Syndrome. Douche."

Hate Mongers in Gainesville?

Say it ain't so.



Who in their right mind would want to be known as a McCain supporter? His campaign keeps going from bad to worse.

And how cool is Rachel Maddow? She takes ridiculous arguments with serene wisdom and a smile. Rachel is my hero.



Join us on Facebook or liveblogging over in Wayne's World tonight for the debate.

A Preview of Tonight's Performance?

Now we know where John McCain gets his talking points.



Better keep your eye on Sarah Palin these next few days. Someone might ask her another question about North Korea.

Entertaining, ain't it?

The Interfaith Rally to Oppose Amendment 2

"Standing on the Side of Love"

At Lowry Park on Sunday, October 26, 2008 at 4 p.m.

In addition to the many speakers scheduled for the rally, there will be music by Faith Rivera and Harold Payne.

But don't let that stop you.

RSVP now

How Well Do You Know Your Neighbors?

Click here Just put in your address & your neighborhood map will pop up. Every place you see a red balloon or thumb tack is the home of a convicted felon. Just hover your mouse over an icon & not only will the name come up, but also the crime they were convicted of.

Before you go accepting a tootsie roll from them in a few weeks.

This is Something Really Nasty Republicans Would Do

Or really nasty Democrats: Make t-shirts that aren't funny and call into question the wearer's sanity and sell millions of them.


These same people would freak if someone walked through their lame-ass leftwing tattoo parlors or political meetings wearing an "I Screwed Hillary" t-shirt. But it's okay to overtly sexualize Sarah Palin because she believes in the Bible literally and wants Roe v. Wade overturned?


Christ. That describes half the women in my family and I don't think they're c*nts.

Again - for those in the cheap seats - offensive plus nauseating equals not funny. Wear this instead.


It is possible to be both offensive and funny. Just ask me.

Don't Worry About Sarah

I mean, come on, she's the most popular Halloween costume this year.


I might wear Sarah's mask when chaperoning the kids up and down the street. 'Cause I want to be all hot like her. And my neighbors love her so maybe I'll get action AND candy.

But what about when she and grandpa lose the election? They better not blame the woman.

Again, no worries.

She'll be fine. She'll be just fine.

It was dishonest, cynical men who put forward a clueless young woman for national office, hoping to juice up the ticket, hoping she could skate through two months of chaperoned campaigning, but the truth emerges: The lady is talking freely about matters she has never thought about. The American people have an ear for B.S. They can tell when someone's mouth is moving and the clutch is not engaged. When she said, "One thing that Americans do at this time, also, though, is let's commit ourselves just every day, American people, Joe Six-Pack, hockey moms across the nation, I think we need to band together and say never again. Never will we be exploited and taken advantage of again by those who are managing our money and loaning us these dollars," people smelled gas.

And as long as she stays out of the White House, maybe the rest of us will be fine, too.

I Don't Want a President Who Believes in a Talking Snake Either

How do you spell awkward? Watching these clips with my uber-Catholic mom.



I still laughed. Only quietly. Without slapping my knees.



Although she didn't laugh with me, I'm pretty sure my mom will watch the boys so I can go out this weekend and see Religulous.

It'll be my second date with myself.

I wonder if I'll let me get to second base?

I Don't Want a Doctor Who Believes in a Talking Snake

If there are people out there who think we left all the loo-loos back in Colorado Springs, think again. They're everywhere, folks. Even in beautiful downtown Lutz.

Took my children to the doctor recently and he noticed their school shirts. Started quizzing them on Hebrew and the bullet points of certain Biblical stories.

"Are you Jewish?" I asked him.

He shook his head. "No, but I take Hebrew lessons at my church. I'm fascinated by you Jews. In fact, I take my family to the Holy Land all the time. We love it there. Have you ever been?"

I blinked a few times. "As a matter of fact, I have been to Israel."

"No, not Israel. I mean the Holy Land Experience in Orlando."

I threw up a little in my mouth.

"It's better than Disney World," he said.

Dr. Crazypants went on to explain. That this is a good time.


Right.

This is normal, family fun.


Right.

Needless to say, I'm looking for a new pediatrician. One who isn't certifiably, batshit insane.

In disturbing news this week...

Rensselaer County officials in upstate New York accidentally on purpose sent out absentee ballots with "Barack Osama" printed on them.

Rensselaer County is the only county in New York that prints ballots in-house, a practice commissioners are now reviewing.

McCain, please save us from your followers.

Shouts of "traitor," "terrorist," "treason," "liar," and even "off with his head" have rung from the crowd at McCain and Sarah Palin rallies, and gone unchallenged by them.

Speaking of John McCain, he is one mean, angry little man.

In its broad strokes, McCain's life story is oddly similar to that of the current occupant of the White House. John Sidney McCain III and George Walker Bush both represent the third generation of American dynasties. Both were born into positions of privilege against which they rebelled into mediocrity. Both developed an uncanny social intelligence that allowed them to skate by with a minimum of mental exertion. Both struggled with booze and loutish behavior. At each step, with the aid of their fathers' powerful friends, both failed upward. And both shed their skins as Episcopalian members of the Washington elite to build political careers as self-styled, ranch-inhabiting Westerners who pray to Jesus in their wives' evangelical churches.

In one vital respect, however, the comparison is deeply unfair to the current president: George W. Bush was a much better pilot.

I bet that guy who used to leave anonymous comments here about "President John McCain" is feeling pretty stupid right about now.

Feminists Sometimes Suck

I've never met Gina Vivinetto personally, but back when she worked for The St. Petersburg Times, I emailed her that she'd made an error quoting a Beastie Boys song. Her reply was gracious and witty. Big fan ever since.

So it was with great interest that I read one of her latest status updates on Facebook. It provoked quite a conversation. Gina was angry that some critics of Sarah Palin had called for or encouraged sexual assaults on the governor. Two *female* critics, specifically Margaret Cho and Sandra Bernhard.

Gina had seen Sandra in person and was offended at the remarks. Margaret Cho had published the incendiary comments on her website.

I'm a big fan of both women, especially Sandra, and was saddened to hear that they'd stooped to such lows in expressing what, at its core, could have been thoughtful political and social commentary.

Then I got irritated.

Hey, Margaret and Sandra - shut up. You aren't helping us with your bitter, angry, stereotypical pose. You're just proving that assholes take up residence on both sides of the political spectrum.

Do they honestly believe they are helping to sway any last minute undecided voters? If so, they are kidding themselves. As if some person out there is thinking, "I don't know who to vote for, but Sandra's right. Sarah Palin does deserve to be gang-raped. I think I'll vote for That One."

If you are serious about wanting to see change in this country and would even like to help bring about it, lay off the hate speech. It's not funny anyway.

Rednecks for Obama

I'll be passing out these flyers around my Lutz neighborhood this weekend. See guys? You can hunt, drink beer, listen to country music, swallow your snot and vote progressive all at the same time.

Visit the site and be sure to read their guestbook. Great comments like:

"I supported George Bush and he has destroyed our economy. I am a hunter and fisherman and the republican party let's builders destroy wetlands, forest and streams. Our best bet is change and thus for the 1st time I will vote for a democratic Obama"

Good to know.

Vote No on 2

They say that this is going to be close so let's get the word out. The more people realize this is a bad idea, the better off we'll all be.



We don't want Florida to be the laughing stock of the nation. Again.

Cancel a Phone Book

Seriously - does anyone use a phone book for anything other than a large coaster to hold your beer mug when cleaning out the garage?

If you need a number, you can find it online. You can also find a date at the same time.

Meanwhile millions of phone books hit American doorsteps unsolicited every year, to the tune of more than 19 million trees.

If you don't want yours, join 10,000+ people already saying no thanks. Go here and click on "opt out."

h/t Robin

I'm So Hungry Even Steak Sounds Good

It's kind of hard to focus in services when children are constantly suggesting I bend down and "listen to my tummy make strange noises."

They made it to 2pm before cereal bars were too tempting to pass up. I'm still going strong though.

A few prayers hit me hard today.

One was a verbal confession of sin where we are required to forgive others who have hurt us "both intentionally and inadvertently", "in both word and deed" before asking forgiveness in return.

The second was a lengthy silent prayer of confession. We took a few minutes to remind ourselves that we have not lived up to our potential this past year. It's a conversation with God. And with ourselves.

"You do not ask me, 'Why have you not been great as Moses?' Instead, 'Why have you not been yourself?' and 'Why have you not been true to the best in you?'"

"I will not lay the blame on others, though they may have wronged me, nor on circumstances, though they may have been difficult. The fault lies mainly in myself."

As you read, it becomes quite clear that the potential within has been largely untapped. We haven't even remotely done all we are required to do - we haven't loved each other, cherished our children, spoken out against injustice, helped our neighbors in nearly the ways we should.

By the end, I was in tears.

I'm glad we have this time to reflect and repent at least once a year. At the same time, I'm glad it's only once a year.

Now. We eat.

Atone This

A Facebook Conversation - Ongoing

While warding off (read: encouraging) the sharks over at Wayne's World, I participated in constant status updates with 150 of my closest friends on Facebook.

It started off totally highbrow. Cause that's how I roll.

Catherine is "worried her new 'do makes her look like Carly Simon."

Some other highlights:

Catherine is "drinking up - he said friends!"

Kyle is "ready for round two."

Kenneth - "McCain: the Treasury should be turned over to eBay."

Catherine - "fannie mae didn't start the fire."

Ron "wonders 'is McCain still awake?'"

Kenneth "would be scared if McCain got that close to me."

Ron "wants Catherine to know he said friends again, in case she missed it."

Catherine is "drinking another shot. Thanks Ron!"

Kenneth - "McCain: I was told there would be no math."

Catherine is "listening to my dad snore. Bad sign."

Kenneth - "McCain: 'Our top priority is stopping overhead projectors'."

Liz - "They're dangerous."

Kenneth - "For some reason the undecided Ohio women hated McCain's reference to hair plugs."

Matt is "once again made dizzy by McCain's tie."

Catherine is "watching mom go to bed. They lost her at hair plugs."

Kenneth - "Newsflash: McCain flip-flops on his hero. Zombie Reagan reportedly pissed."

Ron - "McCain believes that US Americans and such as... need maps to find countries... the Iraq and said such..."

Wayne is "that one."

Catherine "thinks John McCain is toast."

Jim - "Dow down 500 today, 1000 since Friday. McCain isn't just toast -- he's sh** on a shingle."

Friends Don't Let Friends Drink When John McCain Says "Friends"

The only thing that made last night tolerable was the online conversation over at The Political Whore where it started strong and then derailed into smutty sex talk.

I know. Big fan.

Check out our elitist and mindblowing discourse and then answer the really important question of the night according to Wayne: Who won the "Hitting on Kate" contest?

I'm going with Wade. Although I can't help but wonder about Civics 101 and his wide girth...

Republicans Are Freakin'

I know a few that aren't voting for McCain and the Membrane anymore. For antics like this...



Who you votin' fer?

Debate Watching Parties

On Facebook or Wayne Garcia's blog. Either way. Shitty food doesn't taste nearly as bad when shared with friends.

McCain supporters will meet here to drink beer and talk about the good old days. 'Cause debate watchin' is for elite sumbitches. And they ain't elite.

h/t Addison

"More Issues Than National Geographic" or "Let's Hear It for Yom Kippur!"

(I wrote this at the beach this weekend. Blame the Gulf. Or those yummy cosmopolitans...)

Seagulls fly overhead making music in the air. They sound like my children screaming. I hope none of them shits on my head.

This is rough. Not just because it's time to apologize for anything harmful I may have done during the past year.

Jesus. That's hard enough. And don't he know it. (wink wink - you betcha)

It's a rough time for other reasons and contemplating my life just adds to the sense of loneliness and despair. How else would you explain the fact that I actually enjoyed Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist?

The water circles around my toes. Sweet Christ, I'll kill someone if that's a bunion.

In preparation for Yom Kippur, I usually call or write to those I adore and apologize. Not this year.

Why? I could blame it on my long-distance plan. But it's probably because I'm not sorry.

If someone told me that I'd really hurt them, of course I'd apologize. I'm not a vindictive or cruel person. Although I often smell like one.

After careful consideration, though, and few hours of rehashing the past twelve months, I have come to the conclusion that I'm good. Haven't hurt a soul.

Correct me if I'm wrong. Please.

I annoy. I irritate. I confuse and trouble. I've written things that some folks can't handle. I have this nasty habit of telling the truth and that tends to piss people off. But I don't think I've actually harmed or hurt anyone.

If you're going to run away to the beach and you accidentally leave all your makeup at home, it helps to be with someone who says you look beautiful anyway.

For a half-second, seriously, like, in the time it takes to hate an Oasis song, I thought maybe I was sorry for being too trusting and open with my heart. But no. I can't pretend I'm sorry for that either.

How does one regret love? Silly talk.

So I'm going to stick with the whole "not sorry" thing.

Fresh salt sea air erases wrinkles and worries at the same time. But not as effectively as my makeup that I goddamn forgot.

On Yom Kippur, can I really atone for that which I don't regret? Can I atone if I'm not sorry?

Maybe I am sorry for certain happenings in the most general sense. Like I'm sorry I lose my patience sometimes with my children. I'm sorry I bought that Maroon 5 album. I'm sorry I cut a woman off in traffic. I didn't hold a door open for an elderly gentleman because I was rushing into Walgreens and couldn't be bothered. Astro Glide was on sale. I sometimes hate people more talented than me. Which is everyone.

I'm passive aggressive sometimes. That isn't nice. And it's been established that I'm no lady.

Here's the thing - I'm not sorry to anyone but myself. Because I should be a better person.

So that's what I'll atone for. And strive towards.

Damn. When I'm ready to buy a place of my own, I'm going to buy a condo on St. Pete Beach. Or Clearwater Beach. I can't hear anyone's snoring over the waves.

I must forgive those who have wronged me in order to be forgiven. It's only fair.

A broken heart is a mighty hard thing to forgive. The slights, sorrows, disappointments, and painful moments are never completely behind us. And how can you forgive someone who hasn't apologized?

If you get up early enough, you don't even see the sun.

How? Like anything else, you just do it.

I just do it.

With forgiveness in my heart and on my mind, I'll fast on Thursday and ask myself and the universe or God or whateveryouwannacallit to forgive me as well.

But I'm not asking anyone else. Not this year.

To heck with the cold water. I'm going in.

Fast easy, peeps.

Chapter 11

Jeez. Even as I'm reading it, I'm wondering about my frame of mind.

For those who enjoy me at my most disturbed...

The Part About Scranton Is Hysterical

I was born right next door in Dunmore. So this made me spit out my soy.

Get Off Your Ass

Tomorrow is the deadline in Florida. If you aren't registered to vote by October 6th, you will miss out on being heard during this historic election.



Check your status here and vote for change in November.

Going Topless is Darling. Going Topless for a Good Cause is Hot.

Boobie-Thon is a great way to raise money for breast cancer.

Bloggers donate pictures of their boobies. Boobie-Thon allows you to view the covered ta-tas for free. Then they'd like you to pay fifty dollars to view those exposed. (But only until October 7th!)

I'd like you to do that, too.

See if you can find your favorite blogger's breasts - slightly covered and bare. (Can you tell what I'm doing?)

Let's go back in time shall we? Pre-surgery when my girls were large and in charge and yearnin' for a Jim Davis win.

That's right, two years ago, one of Boobie-Thon's lovely ladies got in touch with me and a beautiful friendship was born. Other beautiful friendships were born, too. Let's see what this year brings.

Hopefully some magic, fantasy, and a cure.

Low Expectations are a Beautiful Thing

The people I talk to today will tell me they love Sarah Palin. I just know it. She was like a cheerleader running for Student Body President who promises the football team a pop machine in the cafeteria and Fridays off.

"Are ya with me?"

Anyway, you know the best place to be when watching these debates? It isn't CNN. It isn't Fox or MSNBC.

The best place is Facebook.

I've been on Facebook for a while now and thoroughly enjoy catching up with old friends and making new ones as well. My favorite part of Facebook is the status update.

Catherine is "finally cuter than Heather Locklear."

Catherine is "thinking Todd Schnitt should move to Colorado."

Never is the status update feature more fun than during a debate. Here are some of mine along with my favorites from last night's gab fest.

Catherine is "glad Sarah worked in 'revelation'. I can drink my shot now."

Kenneth is "Palin voted 94 times to allow killing of moose from space satellites."

Chuck is "watching the SNL special. When is Tina Fey going to say Live from New York?"

Ron is "close to BINGO!"

Catherine "thinks Joe's confused by her sparkly teeth."

Kenneth is "Sniglet: trigonometry -- when Sarah Palin uses her son's name for political advantage. "

Catherine "everytime she says Israel my husband's kippa falls off."

Reggie "wants to know the difference between surge principles and counter-insurgency principles..."

Catherine is "happy she said McCain tapped her. Another shot!"

Reggie "wants a definition for the word 'quasi-caved.'

Kenneth: "a team of wild mavericks couldn't get me to listen to Palin again after tonight."

We had a good time watching something that was easily as disturbing and nauseating as it gets. Join Facebook, look me up, and take part in the conversation next time.

It shouldn't just be a place where ex-boyfriends find me.

Who Cares About Taxes?

Both McCain and Obama are talking about who will and who will not raise your taxes.

Go here, fill out your income information and then see for yourself whose plan works best for you.

Then vote accordingly. Cause nothing's more important than taxes.

h/t Mishon

I Get the Best Emails - Ongoing

To: Kate
From: Danny

This is proof:
1) Scranton is awesome
2) Fox news is full of assholes....



Scranton is awesome because we were born there. And only Fox would see seven people for Obama and one for McCain as "split."

The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend

I have a confession to make: I listen to Bubba in the morning.

NPR gets depressing. Sometimes they ramble about the weather or traffic and so I browse through radio stations and often find myself at 102.5 The Bone.

Yes, The Bone.

I can't quite believe it myself. With a name like that, can you tell they are trying to attract a certain audience? Makes me want to start a radio station and call it The Labia.

I listen to Bubba and wonder if I'm the only self-professed liberal thinker and feminist in town who's tuned in. I doubt it. But I bet I'm the only one who'll admit to liking what I hear. Most of the time.


Lately Bubba's been going after Todd Schnitt, a ridiculous little man who airs his nonsense on a competing radio station in the morning under the name "MJ". This same man then gets behind the mic every afternoon for The Schnitt Show. I've never heard the morning program. NPR, Bubba and cursing at elderly drivers take up all my time.

I have, on occasion, listened to the afternoon program.

Todd Schnitt is an angry assbag, ranting and raving about liberals and spreading lies about Barack Obama. Why is a broadcaster who makes millions so angry? At first, I thought maybe it was act. He's simply catering to the lowest common denominator. Like most so-called libertarian broadcasters, he pretends to be bold while behind the scenes he's content to run his tongue around the rim of the Republican asses who write his paychecks.

Schnitt doesn't require his listeners to think or argue logically, so he just feeds into their nonsense, assuring he stays relevant and continues drawing a paycheck. I didn't think he actually believed the rhetoric that oozed out of his mouth on a daily basis.

Now I'm not so sure. Bubba's been talking to "Jabberjaw", a former employee of the MJ Morning Show. She describes a tiny turd who wields his power like a prick in need of Viagra. Megalomaniac. Narcissistic. A wealthy man who pays his employees next to nothing in salary or benefits and then threatens to fire some of them if Barack Obama gets elected because he won't be able to afford them. Sounds like your typical Napoleonic tyrant/Republican to me.

He fired Jabberjaw for attending the Obama rally last week.

Isn't it time we got rid of angry pundits like Schnitt who add nothing to the discourse in a community? He pisses his poison in every direction, both in his personal life and on the air, and I, for one, am sick of swimming in it.

Get him the f*ck off the air. Now.

Why I like Michael Moore's new movie "Slacker Uprising"

1. It's free.

2. I don't have to lend it to a friend who will a) never watch it and b) never return it.

3. The only thing that gives me hope are the energized people who must a) get lazy asses out to vote in a little over a month and b) stay involved after the election so the tools we elect will continue to work for *the people.*

4. It's free.

5. Quotes like this make my day: You have my blanket permission to share the movie with your friends, to set up screenings in your communities or theaters, to show it on your campuses -- all at no charge. I encourage you to rally voters with it, to raise funds for your favorite candidates, to air it on your local cable access channels or web broadcasts. You can also click here to request a free DVD of "Slacker Uprising" for your school or university library.

Get on it, teachers.

Watch it here.

Have I mentioned it's free?