What is God Trying to Tell Us?

If you believe in God, that is.

James Dobson encouraged his mouthbreathing followers to pray for a storm to hit Denver as Obama spoke to the nation Thursday night. Didn't happen. Instead, a storm is set to hit New Orleans right at the moment Dubya takes the stage at the Republican National Convention.

There are more than a few people on the right who believe that Falwell, Robertson, et. al. are correct in that disasters like Katrina and 9/11, hell, even AIDS, are sent from God as punishment for homosexuality, abortion, and the popularity of Simon Cowell. Surely they must believe that a monstrous hurricane plunging toward the same place the administration ignored almost three years ago is divine retribution for something right? It only makes sense if you believe one ridiculous idea to believe this, too.

Right. God hates Republicans.

At any rate, I'm hoping that the good people of New Orleans will be spared this time. I mean, Dubya didn't send the Louisiana National Guard to Iraq this time. And he's not scheduled to eat cake with John McCain at the moment thousands of poor people are drowning. This time. He's also got someone in charge of FEMA who might actually do a decent job. This time.

But the infrastructure of New Orleans still isn't prepared for the force of Gustav so people are evacuating. This is what happens when regressive tax policies are put in force. Save your money people! And watch our cities fall under the weight of catastrophic storms, faulty levees and crumbling bridges.

It doesn't matter if the Republicans cancel their convention or not. They'll be partying while our country, and cities, fall - either in St. Paul or somewhere else.

They have been for the past eight years after all.

(Don't wait for Dubya. Do something to help the people of New Orleans by clicking here.)

Right This Moment...

Interesting Choice of Words

h/t Marc

"Who's the progressive party now?"

That's what I heard when Sarah Palin was chosen as John McCain's running mate.

Smart move, Old Man.

I Know What I Want for Chanukah - But I Don't Think I Can Wait That Long

Like Paul's Boutique from the Beastie Boys, this movie was misunderstood at first. Now it's a respected classic, coming out with a special edition DVD, and finally getting the respect it deserves.

And, not surprisingly, I was a believer from the beginning.

I saw it in the theatre (Boston - sigh) when it came out. For the past ten years, this movie has cheered me up and made me laugh when I needed it most.

Forget blue and red, you can totally divide the country into those who get it and those who don't. I have no time for those who don't. I mean, my mother even enjoyed it.

This movie really is two hours of sheer bliss.

If you haven't already seen it, rent The Big Lebowski today. And think of me when you giggle.

As much as the Democrats piss me off...

The Republicans are always worse.

I'd Wear This

My Cousins Were on the Today Show

This morning, my godson and his wife got Tim Russert's son to announce that we're gonna have an addition to the family real soon. How cool is that?



Mazel Tov, guys.

How Ridiculous Are These Guys? Ongoing

I'm wondering - who should I vote for in November? Because the more I look around at Democratic leaders, the more I want to throw up.

Barack Obama pushes ethanol, even though it's not the answer, because he's from Illinois and ADM put BIG money in his coffers.

Nancy Pelosi, on Meet the Press this weekend, foamed about natural gas, even though it's not the answer. Turns out she has invested between $50 - $100,ooo of her own money in natural gas and will make massive profits should this "take off" like she's hoping it will.

Joe Biden voted to make it more difficult for people to claim bankruptcy. His son earned over $100K that year as a consultant to the credit card industry. Boy, weren't they pleased when it passed.

AT&T threw a huge party Sunday night in Denver to thank the Democrats who helped give the company immunity for wiretapping American citizens illegally.

I usually cringe when people say that politicians are all crooks, that the process is equally corrupt. "Back it up," I demand.

Sigh.

Now I can back it up myself.

You Too, Hadassah?

I belong to this women's Zionist organization. When visiting the Hadassah Hospital in Israel, I felt proud to be associated with such a great group of women charged with a noble purpose.

But these emails sounding the war cry are getting old.

Many experts now agree that if left unchallenged, it is possible that Iran could develop full nuclear capability by 2015. This is a terrifying prospect for the international community, considering Ahmadinejad’s ongoing litany of threats against the United States , Israel , and their allies.

So many people in the U.S. blame close ties with Israel for Iraq, increased threats of terrorism, and a volatile Middle East. Emails insinuating that we should "do something" about Iran simply escalate the anti-Israel rhetoric.

Haven't we had enough? Let's try something new before we start to believe military intervention yet again will save us.

Cause it won't.

How Ridiculous Are These Guys?

Oh. And the protestors are creeps, too.



h/t John

A Good First Date

I took myself out last night. I didn't send emails asking anyone to come along and I didn't call my friends to invite them out with me. I put on brown Banana Republic pants, a bright blue Ann Taylor blouse, did my hair and took off.

I was going to hit The Grass Root, Tampa's only vegan restaurant, but decided against it.

This would prove to be a major mistake. I figured that since I'd had a huge lunch at Jasmine Thai with my boys, I didn't need another big meal a few hours later.

Poor, poor Katie.

Anyway, I drove downtown and hit Maestro's armed with nothing but my charming personality and the latest David Sedaris book. I ordered a cosmopolitan and soaked up the atmosphere. Maestro's is upstairs in the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center and filled with theatregoers. Most of my fellow drinkers and diners were going to see Mama Mia.

I knew this because they talked to me. They were much older and couldn't understand why a nice young woman with all her own teeth was out on a Saturday night by herself. I met Phil, whose son works at Maestro's. He likes the food, but thinks the drinks are too weak. Mary Ann was enjoying a glass of Merlot before meeting her friends downstairs. Tony and Alice loved the theatre experience, even if it was "in Tampa."

Mary Ann was a hoot. She's a sharp dressing sixty-five year old from New Jersey and her beloved husband died last year. They had been having dinner when he said, "Call 911, I'm having a heart attack." Then he fell over and died. She misses him very much, but believes the best way to get through life is to focus on the positive.

"Believe it or not," she said, "there is a positive side to this, too." Then she whispered, "I can fart in bed whenever I want."

She said she misses him and "the sex" but otherwise doesn't mind being on her own. I'm in touch with that emotion.

A life affirmer, that's what Mary Ann is. I enjoyed our conversation so much, I ordered three more cosmopolitans.

That's right. Bringing the total to four. On an empty stomach.

Poor, poor Katie.

Tony was right, the drinks were weak. Thank God or I wouldn't have been able to get up and attend the play downstairs. At David Jenkins' urging, I saw Embedded. I recognized a few faces from other Jobsite productions, but David was nowhere to be found.

He didn't even come over and say hello. At least I don't think he did. I probably would've remembered something like that.

The play was great, even though it kinda stomped on my buzz what with all the talk of death and destruction. I liked it a lot. I know I liked it because I remember standing up and clapping afterward.

I really wasn't that tipsy by the end of the production. I had a great night. I just wish I'd left my cell phone in the car. I brought it with me because I was awaiting important family news, but when you're going solo, a celly makes it way too easy to depend on others instead of standing on your own. But I only felt sad once when I noticed couples everywhere and realized I was the only one alone.

Alone.

Except for that one fleeting moment of self-pity, I had a great evening. Staying home and feeling sorry for yourself is way too easy these days with cable, computers, chat rooms, and free porn downloads. I'm glad I had a night out with the hottest date in town.

I just should have eaten something and gone easy on the drinky.

Oh well. Story of my life.

Biden Our Time

Until real change comes along.

Any supporter who fell for a "skinny black kid with a funny name" at the 2004 convention has got to be disappointed. A campaign that started out one way has turned into something quite different.

If you aren't annoyed or outraged, you simply aren't paying attention. Or you're so blinded by love, you can't see straight.

Barack Obama is taking almost the same amount of money from special interests as John McCain. These interests do not throw money away. They expect a return on their investment the day after Barack Obama is sworn in.

And to hell with the rest of us.



I'm against group prayer - because it doesn't do a damn bit of good. Lovely sentiment and go Joan Baez, but why don't you all try praying for the people to get it together and work toward change?

Putting all our faith in a politician is foolish. He won't remember us. Unless we demand it.

Praying isn't bad when you get up afterwards and do something. It's far too easy to mumble a few heartfelt words to a far-away God and then wipe our hands of any follow-up.

There are only a few things you can do on your knees that are worthwhile and praying isn't one of them.

An Obama/Biden ticket is better than what the Republicans are offering. But not by much. And I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

I Heard a Rumor

...that he's going to pick Hillary.

h/t noneofyourg-damnbidness

Homes are Similar to Lovers and Shoes - You Should Know How Many You Have

Yesterday I visited the Department of Motor Vehicles because my license had been suspended.

Several months back, I'd made an illegal u-turn in Colorado Springs. Naturally, I forgot to pay the ticket. One of their peeps called one of Florida's peeps and the powers that be actually tried to ban me from the road.

This happened once before a few years ago. Back then I had a friend, we'll call him Mr. Big Shot. I told him nonchalantly in a Bennigan's parking lot that I was driving illegally. He made a call and fixed that sh*t before noon the next day. Unfortunately, Mr. Big Shot has lost that lovin' feelin'. So I was on my own for this one.

I got it all fixed yesterday. In addition to restoring my status as a legal driver, with pretty blue eyes, I changed my picture (the worst - now so lovely) and my address (dad's thrilled). They also verified my organ donor status (of course) and wanted to know if I'd like to register to vote.

Back in the 90s, I worked on the Motor Voter Bill to raise support and awareness here in Tampa. Or was it Boston? So proud. Of course, I registered to vote.

But when they asked about my party affiliation, I almost said, "Independent." Closer than I've ever been to leaving my fellow jackasses. I get closer every day.

Then I hear John McCain tell people that "rich" is making over $5 million a year and, oh my, he can't quite remember all the places he calls home.

I can't remember how many CDs or vibrators I own, but GOOD LORD you should be able to recall where you live.



Nice ad, Obama People. But I still only like you as a friend.

I Don't Really Have a Bucket List

But if I did, I'd have "Visit a strip club" at the top.

Can you believe I still haven't been to one? Ever?

That's why I was overjoyed to get this invitation. God bless the business world. I'm so there.


Damn. Too bad it's in Ft. Lauderdale.

I Get the Best Emails - Ongoing

h/t John

My children start third grade today.

I'm hoping all goes well.

I remember third grade. I have memories from before that time period, sure, bits and pieces, but third grade is when my recollection focuses sharply and is still crystal clear today.

I'm blessed/cursed with a vivid memory. I remember my teacher that year and how she ate grapes every day. She was pregnant and miserable. She hated me.

My mother remembers things differently.

"She didn't hate you, Catherine. She was just the first person who didn't want you to be the star of the classroom. Your family and previous teachers thought everything you did was terrific. We didn't properly prepare you, I suppose, for the inevitable disappointment when you realized you weren't the center of everyone's world."

I knew I blamed them for something.

My third grade teacher was the first, but not the last, to call home and speak with my parents. Mom answered the phone. Teacher told her that I'd been mean (to the class bully) and wouldn't apologize (because I wasn't sorry).

Teacher: So I told Catherine she wouldn't be able to play at recess until she said she was sorry.

Mom: That sounds reasonable.

Teacher: I thought so, too, but that was three weeks ago.

I sat on the bench every day for three weeks with my arms crossed and refused to say a word. Then Mom threatened to take away my favorite book or something.

I apologized the next day. With my fingers crossed.

Where was I? Oh yeah, I'm hoping it goes well for them. My boys. My third graders.

What're the odds?

I've Got Some Good News and Some Bad News

The other day, Oldest had a sore neck. Slept on it wrong or something. He complained about his neck for a few minutes so I gave him love and an ice pack. Then he complained some more. And some more.

Time for tough love.

"You sound like an old Jewish man," I said. "You do have some Irish in ya. The Irish don't complain. Remember that."

So this post is not a complaint.

For those who've been reading awhile, you know I added dead fishies to my vegan diet in a totally unscientific experiment aimed at raising my platelet count. For the past few years, I've battled ITP. But last year, my little whipper snappers had been multiplying. My numbers were getting better and better. Recently they started to dive. A few people thought protein in my diet might help and I was willing to try.

Visited Hot Hematologist yesterday and my numbers are still low.

So the experiment didn't work. Which means I'll go back to my cruelty-free ways.

There is an upside to this - I will likely lose the five pounds I've gained these past eight weeks. I can say goodbye to fish breath, yucky aftertaste, and mercury in my bloodstream. I can also go back to the quiet superiority we vegans secretly feel.

Over all of you.

A part of me is bummed. On some level, I know we can only do so much regarding our health. We can eat right. Exercise. Meditate and yoga it up and practice positive thinking. But we can't do anything about environmental factors or our DNA.

And that's sorta scary. To a control freak and health nut like me.

Healthy platelets are around 250. My normal spectrum these past few years started at 66 and went up to 101. I'm now down to 67. The only side effect is that I bruise easily. Not so bad. But there's nothing I can do to bring up my numbers. And there's nothing I can do if they get lower.

Those with really low numbers bleed internally and then that's all folks.

Although I'd like to see my children graduate from college, I'm not afraid to die. If I found out this week was it, I wouldn't change a thing about my diet, my loves, my heartbreaks, my life. Carpe diem and all that nonsense.

Well, maybe I'd go buy a new Rabbit.

I'm just struck by the randomness of it all. Humbled that nothing is promised except for right f*cking now. Blessed that I get a reminder to cherish those who stand by me. To spread some love - with a side of sass - and laugh just a little bit harder every day. As I stared at the stars last night and my little boys in bed, I felt nothing but gratitude for such a reminder. Because time is leading us all somewhere. And the journey is precious.

Maybe that's why I'm not complaining.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

Here's a blast from my past...

Forget shorter days and cooler nights, this past week many parents took part in an event that signals the end of summer around here: back-to-school shopping. Mothers maneuvered carts through crowded aisles carrying lists provided by their children’s schools. They carefully checked off glue sticks, composition notebooks, and pocket folders. Uniforms and backpacks were tried on and discarded, only to be snatched up a moment later by someone else. My twin sons took half an hour picking the perfect lunchboxes, debating the merits of several superheroes before finally settling on Spiderman. I allowed them time to work it out, remembering my own struggles between Nancy Drew and The Bionic Woman. Nancy won several years in a row.

As a mom, I enjoy rituals that begin each new school year. Frazzled parents are doing more than searching for specific pencils. They’re supplying children with the tools they need to learn. As a (former) teacher, I appreciate their efforts. However, school lists should contain a few more items to gather before classes begin. These additional supplies aren’t found at Target or K-Mart. Still, your child won’t make it through the school year without:

Guidance – Schools can be overcrowded and scary; most children learn more from fellow students than from textbooks. Have dinner with your kids and get to know their friends. The complicated issues students deal with every day, from elementary through high school, would land most adults in therapy. Children cannot handle it alone.

Support – Turn off television and help with homework. Be willing to pick up kids after tutoring sessions and reinforce lessons at home. Come to school and meet us, their teachers. After all, parents and teachers are on the same team and odds are we’ll win if we work together.

Patience – When all else fails, take a deep breath and smile. Use humor to deal with the frustrations of youth and encourage within children the idea that nothing is insurmountable. They need to know that a loving family will cushion even the most devastating blows.

These are essential items on every teacher’s wish list. Go shopping for papers and pens; dig deeper to stock up on the rest. Remember that a parent’s participation is the most important tool for a successful school year. Teachers need your help. And so do your kids.

Attention Parents: Stop Celebrating

School starts this week. Hurricane Fay is also supposed to pay us a visit in the next few days. They say start of school could be postponed.

Come on! You gotta be kiddin' me!

Although...Husband woke up to forty degrees in Colorado Springs yesterday. So I'm not complaining. Not really, anyway.

Jews for Jesus Make Me Laugh

Because really, they are so very very silly. As are all deeply religious folks. Silly to the core.

I don't mean to sound dismissive. I'm living with a mother I adore who is deeply religious and keeps holy water in the house. But I still think it's silly.

SIDE NOTE: I'm glad my rabbit died because I couldn't possibly enjoy it here. Not with Jesus staring down at me from every room in the house. I mean, I have a car out front. But that would be weird. Even for me.

At any rate, while I think seekers as a whole are admirable, the ones who stopped looking because they're convinced they've found "It" are sorta kinda scary. And I want nothing to do with them or their holy roller ways.

Here's a conversation we've been having over at John's site.

An excerpt:

Me - Christians focus on belief. Jews focus on behavior. Christians focus on prayer. Jews focus on study. It’s simply a question of emphasis. We (Jewish people) are called to action. Catholicism is the only denomination of Christianity that says behavior is a *part* of the path toward salvation. The rest say your belief will save you. That was part of the Protestant Reformation after all. (And Martin Luther HATED the Jews.)

So let’s call Jews for Jesus or Messianic Judaism what it is - evangelical Christianity. Anything else is insulting.

And as a side note, it’s not hard to wonder why people flocked to something that requires no action in order to be saved. (It might encourage but does not require. You still get to “heaven” without doing a thing.)

I suppose we can ignore how ridiculous it all is.

Richard the Holy Hearted - Christian faith is not easy beliefism. It is a faith that demands action - but out of love of God, not out of duty. It is a faith of action in response to God’s grace, not as a way to God’s grace. By our own actions we will never attain to God. It is God who has come to bring us to Him - He is the only one with the power to fix the severed relationship we as human being have with him because of our rebeliousness.

And yes, I am an evangelical Christian. But that does not make me any less Jewish. If Y’shua is the Messiah of Israel (as I obviously believe he is) then faith in him is the biblical Jewish faith.
You don’t have to believe me. It is all in the Scriptures

SuperDave: Things evolve, Kate. At bottom every religion is ridulous. I know that the theological meaning of “works” is observing rules (maybe dietary laws for Jews, maybe going to mass for Christian Catholics) You want salvation by works? Have you really tried to live Leviticus and Numbers? Really? When is the last time you sacrificed a goat? Do you stone adulterers to death? You’re supposed to, you know. To the extent you’re talking about helping other people as “works” Jesus clearly called on us to do that. You know, “whoever fed, clothed, visited in jail the least of my people did it for me. Whoever failed to do it for the least of my people rejected me”).

Tell you what, Kate: If you’ll read What Jesus Meant, I’ll read any book you want. Not to convince, but to understand. I think Judaism is an excellent “fit” for you. You’d make a lousy Baptist (so would I, for that matter). It’s just that anytime I hear an intelligent, caring person say, “That’s that”, I think we’re all diminished a little.

I responded to Dave and Richard. I may not get to use my rabbit, but at least my brain stays stimulated. That's gotta count for something.

Amen.

Life is Too Short

I've said it before and I'll say it again: In the time I have left on this earth, whether it's thirty-eight minutes or another thirty-eight years, I will not waste another second with people who don't love or support me.

Why would anyone?

I tell friends and family members to shun those who consistently hate on them. "Screw 'em," I say. My friend Joe worries that such a mantra takes the color or flavor out of life. Not really.

Don't disown people who argue or debate. If someone is challenging, but possesses a wicked kind heart - cherish them. There is a huge difference between those who disagree with your ideas and those who dislike *you*, people who get mad and people who hate.

What if you've been kicked to the curb? What if you are the one who never realized what a gem you had until it was too late? Here's how not to handle it. Don't:

- threaten.

- insult.

- ignore.

- avoid.

- come over for a visit with a neurotic dog that you've been asked to keep at home.

- make excuses.

Not if you ever want to get back in. Instead you should:

- apologize.

- compliment.

- make amends.

- do the right thing.

Then wait for hell to freeze over or a heart to mend - whichever happens first.

Democrats Acting Like Republicans

Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, in south Florida, is refusing to campaign on behalf of Democrats running against incumbent Republicans. The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee's Red to Blue program, of which she is co-chair, is supposed to work to defeat incumbent Republicans throughout the country. It's supposed to be an essential component in the effort to expand the Democratic majority in the House of Representatives.

But how can we elect more Democrats in Florida if one of the safest Democrats in the state doesn't think she should campaign for them? She compliments Republican elected officials and throws her fellow Democrats under the bus.

Lovely example, Ms. Frizz.

Then there's this.

Obama's absence on oil speculation was eerily reminiscent of his previous decision to change his mind about giving retroactive immunity to telecom companies for spying on Americans. Obama withdrew his pledge to filibuster the immunity bill right around the time the Democrats announced that AT&T would be sponsoring the Democratic convention. So no filibuster on retroactive immunity from the top Democrat — but conventiongoers in Denver will get tote bags emblazoned with the AT&T logo. So that's something.

Take a look at both campaigns and their views on gas prices, global warming, and other important issues. Can you tell the difference between them? Try. I dare you.

Don't Forget

To Vote No on 2.



For more of the finest in political hypocrisy, click here.

Why I Don't Miss Teaching

I've returned to the business world and couldn't be happier with my decision. Why? Because...

- when I gotta go, I gotta go. A college-educated woman shouldn't have to wait forty-five minutes for a bell to ring before she has to fight her way through hundreds of teenagers to urinate quickly and then rush back through those same teenagers in order to get to class on time.

- the pay is awful. At my new job, one of the guys told me to be patient because I might not make six figures for another year or so. Another year or so? Do you know how long it'd take me to make six figures as a teacher? Try never.

- if I need to call in sick, I don't have to worry about some weird substitute letting my students watch The Exorcist.

- I could do without hate mail, prank calls, and letters to the editor screaming about liberals in the classroom. Now I'm allowed to wear bikinis and write about love toys with little or no ramifications. Freedom never felt so free.

Do I miss anything about teaching? Yes. I miss...

- sparking a student's interest in current events.

- helping kids who need it.

- my girls. The special ed department at my last high school is filled with the best, most professional and supportive women I've ever had the pleasure to be around.

The rest of it wasn't so bad either. Gave me plenty to write about. And my memoir's almost finished...

Values Voters Must Go With Obama

Republicans all up in arms about John Edwards - who ya gonna vote for? I mentioned this issue months ago (here is a recent article) and my hypocritical friends are all kinds of confused.

Best response came from dear old dad.

Dad: Cheaters can't be President because they can't be trusted.

Me: Oh yeah? Then I guess you won't be voting for McCain because he's had a problem in that department.

(long pause)

Dad: He gets a pass.

Me: Why?

Dad: They messed up his head in Vietnam. He probably wasn't thinking straight.

Me: But he can think straight now and lead our country?

Dad: No politics at the table.

I really do love that guy.

Speaking of Selfish People

I have a friend, no, a very dear friend who started having job problems over a month ago. Around that time, he distanced himself. You could see it in his eyes - he wasn't really there or present in the moment.

Then he lost his job.

And I haven't heard from him since.

I have reached out several times and expressed my support. He barely acknowledges it.

What the hell is wrong with men? So filled with testosterone that they allow themselves to drown in a mixture of manly pride and fear. Not just men either. I once had a friend who fought a particular nasty form of muscular dystrophy. She pushed everyone away. I haven't spoken to her in over twelve years.

Lots of people are facing tough times these days. Why can't we all get through it together?

Everyone who knows me, knows that I don't give a poop about someone's title in life. I'm not that shallow. I couldn't care less if a person throws dairy at Publix or runs a state agency as long as he or she is a good person and laughs at my jokes.

I try to understand the idiosyncrasies of a grown man who voted for Bush - twice. But it ain't easy. In this time period, I have been going through some sh*t of my own and it would be nice to hear one word of support. Maybe two.

I've heard nothing.

It's become remarkably easy for me to write people off who are so busy wallowing in their own nonsense that they've forgotten to show an ounce of concern for anyone else. This just adds one more to the list.

I mean, really. If you want shallow, I'll show you shallow.

I Get the Best Emails - Ongoing

I didn't respond to this one. Maybe it's because I'm too busy workin' it full-time or maybe I just can't be bothered.

Funny, that's the same excuse I'm using to avoid properly telling certain selfish people to go to hell.

So here it is - feel free to respond. Or, if you're balancing two jobs and two children with barely enough time to effectively get your hate on, just laugh at the simplistic ways people try to break down complex political issues.

Works for me.

Father/Daughter Talk.

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many
others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and
among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to
support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a
feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had
participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her
father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he
thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on
the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed
objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she
indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in
school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let
him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very
difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to
go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a
boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all
her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, 'How is your friend Audrey doing?'
She replied, 'Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes,
she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on
campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties
and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too
hung over.'

Her wise father asked his daughter, 'Why don't you go to the Dean's office
and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only
has a 2.0 . That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would
be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.'

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired
back, 'That's a crazy idea, and how would that be fair! I've worked really
hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work!
Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree.
She played while I worked
my tail off!'

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, 'Welcome to the Republican
party.'

If anyone has a better explanation of the difference between Republican and
Democrat, I'm all ears.

Censorship or Good Common Sense?

Overly sensitive religious people bug me. They have no problem saying someone is bananas for believing a grilled cheese sandwich looks like the Blessed Mother, then they bow down and genuflect because she really did appear in the sky to certain South American children.

It's all the same mumbo-jumbo, whether you're an ignorant Texan or an educated New Yorker. Religion equals ridiculous most of the time.

Whether we are pointing out the fallacies and inconsistencies of your precious L. Ron Hubbard, Muhammad, Jesus, or Moses - get over it. Beliefs really are all the same. Look it up.

I don't like the idea of anyone catering or pandering to the small-minded who are disguised as pious. Such pandering gives way too much credit to a vocal minority whose insecurity, ignorance, and fear should be crushed under the weight of our intellectual and moral superiority.

Asra Nomani is one of my favorite writers/thinkers today and I agree that this is troubling. Sherry Jones wrote a book about one of Muhammad's wives, Aisha, and Random House has canceled its publication amid a firestorm of controversy.

"I'm devastated," Ms. Jones told me after the book got spiked, adding, "I wanted to honor Aisha and all the wives of Muhammad by giving voice to them, remarkable women whose crucial roles in the shaping of Islam have so often been ignored -- silenced -- by historians."

But, like everything, there is another side to the story. As a former history teacher, nothing boils my blood like writers/filmmakers/journalists who take the story of a real person and mold it to fit their own particular vision or agenda.

Braveheart, The Last Temptation of Christ, those ridiculous Ann Boleyn stories, etc.

A truly talented author doesn't need to piggy back off a famous person, whether he or she is a modern marvel or someone who lived over two thousand years ago. Tell the story factually, sure, but don't pretend to write about them when really you're just using their name and reputation to sell your book.

If you are going to take a real person and put them in your creation, then you have a responsibility to stick to the facts. You should not invent a plot twist, bedroom scene, or anything else just because the story itself doesn't stand on its own. Criticize anyone you like, but don't make up details about real people, using their real names, and hide behind the label "historical fiction."

Then you'll have more than just the fundies after you. You'll have historians pissed as well.

And historians are a whole lot scarier.

Beer Used to be Served in a Bucket?

Paris Hilton never made me laugh before. Not on purpose I mean.

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

You Think You're So Smart - Prove It

From our friends over at Mandate Media...

You're smart. You're political. When people whisper, "that's what THEY say," you're the one they're talking about.

It seems that everyone is trying to figure out who the running mates will be -- so, that means it's time for another Punditology Challenge.

Who will Barack Obama select? Who will be John McCain's pick? And when will they make their choices known?

Correctly predict the actual running mates and you could be famous. You could be the next Cable TV talking head. There's no money in it, but if your crystal ball is the finest of them all - we'll bow down before your greatness and proclaim it to the world.

The deadline for your picks is Friday at 5 p.m.

Unless one of the two campaigns schedules an announcement before then - in which case, we'll shut it down immediately. So make your picks now, before it's too late!

The 2008 Veepstakes Punditology Challenge awaits your brilliance.

If Husband Were Here, He'd Have Laughed

Living at home is grand.

Mom cooks better than anyone and makes a mean margarita. Dad plays catch with the boys and teaches them mad poker skills. Husband comes home every few weeks to much fanfare and celebration. I have constant company and plenty of support when raising my children the rest of the time on my own.

We're a little crowded, sure, and Dad's interest in Extreme Trucking is disturbing.

But so far so good.

My kids still talk about Colorado Springs and Freedom Elementary. For the most part, their recollections are positive ones. Oldest tells us about funny things his old friends taught him, like how to flood ant piles with water, and Youngest remembers how the coach down the street used to encourage the smaller kids to cheat when playing basketball.

This morning Oldest entertained me and my mother with a tale about a little girl who had a crush on him last year. She stole his lunch sack and wouldn't give it back.

"Then she got mad because it only had a banana left in it," he said. "She didn't like bananas and mine was pretty big."

I paused for a moment.

"Well, babe," I said, "if a girl grabs your lunch sack and complains about the size of your big banana, she's probably not the girl for you anyway."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mom say a prayer.

Yep. Grand. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Disappointing

Okay, so here I am nauseated by McCain's ads against Obama. They are overwhelmingly negative. They insult Obama, but they also insult everyone who watches them.

In direct contrast, Obama's ads are positive and talk about what he can do for our country. He insults no one.

Then I watch with a mixture of pride and respect when Obama takes a heckler's question at a local town hall and answers it so thoughtfully. The people who ran this event allowed people who were going to challenge their candidate to come in and have a seat. I'm thinking this man will return dignity to the Oval Office. Take a look.




You can tell the exchange wasn't staged or rehearsed ahead of time. There is something refreshingly honest and real about the way they talked to each other. How nice to not hold my breath when a national leader speaks.

I knew he wouldn't embarrass me. How long has it been since we could say that?

Then my temporary high came crashing to the ground.

Is this what we can expect from an Obama presidency?

I can't help but wonder if the good outweighs the bad. But I don't have an answer.

h/t Elizabeth

Chapter 9

For your reading pleasure.