Nothing Like Being Denied to Make Desire Grow

I don't move so well these days and, naturally, I'm in the mood to go dancing.

Especially when this song comes on, I can't think of anything else I'd rather do than get up and shake that thing.

So if you're out and about, dancing the night away, shake it once or twice for me. You able-bodied bastards.

Spoke Too Soon

Allergic reactions to pollen suck. Especially when said reactions come in the form of rashes on otherwise lovely legs. Thank God for Benadryl.

Then I get a wicked bad headache and sore throat thing going on. Turns out I am suffering from strep throat.

Cause why not?

Is Jeff right - would bacon make it better? Or do Beth and my brother have the right idea - eat a chicken sandwich?

All I know is, f*ck:

• eating right.
• exercising.
• meditation.
• the power of attraction.
• crystals and herbs.
• positive visualization.
• subliminal healing tapes.
• gargling with salt water.

"My house is selling, my house is sold."

"I am healing. I am healed."

What a load of sh*t. Or maybe I'm just in a bad mood. Whichever you'd prefer.

Power to the People - Only Sometimes

For the past four years, former Gov. Jeb Bush and Republicans in the Legislature have tried every trick in the book to stall, block and repeal the constitutional amendment to reduce class size that Florida families voted into law in 2002 and overwhelmingly support to this day.

Luckily, Democrats stopped the devious efforts each time. Last year, to fight Jeb's last-ditch attempt, the Florida Democratic Party led a letter-writing and petition campaign to convince Republicans to vote against the repeal.

It worked, but now the GOP is at it again.

On a party line vote, a House committee passed a "revision" to the law, with one leading Republican claiming that class size reduction is "insane."

Despite Gov. Charlie Crist's soft support for class size reduction ("I like what the people passed," he said...) and his calls for bipartisanship, some Republicans want to beat the legislative dead horse.

Stay tuned, again.

Disturbing

On so many different levels.

h/t Danny

Get Busy Livin'

Funny story.

I thought because I ate right and exercised that this whole cosmetic surgery thing would keep me down one, maybe two weeks. Tough cookie and all. I know, I know - Dr. Berger repaired stomach muscles torn apart by two active fetuses. So what? I've done 200 sit-ups before! Besides, I have had other surgeries, ya know. Tumors removed, veins stripped, children born and a hernia repaired. Piece of cake! Right? Of course, right.

Actually, not so much.

I've been a mess for the better part of two weeks. Finally able to walk upright, my tummy still feels tight. The only sensation I can compare it to is a sunburn. Tight and tender. That's me. Wounds are still disgusting. Tegaderms make everything itchy. And I'm freaked about the whole "no bra" rule. For six weeks, my girls will be free - doctor's orders. They feel so...exposed. What can I say? A nineteen year habit of strapping them in is kinda hard to break.

None of this is hot.

Gonna fight the urge to stay in bed and cry because I figure the best way to get back in the swing of things is to get back in the swing of things. Work. Mothering. Activist-ing.

So here I come. Eyes up here, boys.

from the Florida Democratic Party

The annual Jefferson-Jackson Weekend will be held June 9 and 10 at the Westin Diplomat Resort & Spa in Hollywood, Florida. Tickets are $150 and can be purchased here.

The University of Florida Faculty Senate voted to deny former Governor Jeb Bush an honorary degree. Though Bush claimed to be the "education governor," many education professionals have been critical of his record as governor. "I really don't feel this is a person who has been a supporter of UF," Kathleen Price, Associate Dean of Library and Technology at UF's Levin College of Law, told the Gainesville Sun after the vote.

Let us know which candidate or candidates you are most interested in seeing, up close and personal, in our great state. We'll do our best to bring them here, and keep you informed of their visits.

This Sucks

Old CW: Nothing feels worse than a tummy tuck and breast reduction surgery done at the same time.

New CW: High pollen count and sore throat makes everything worse.

Another Blessing

Eight years ago, my best friend Becky gave birth to a boy.

Seven years ago, I gave birth to two boys.

Almost four months ago, my sister had a boy.

Few days ago, Becky had a girl.

Our first girl! Can't wait to teach her all about Gloria Steinem.

Mazel tov, Beck.

Another Ringy Dingy

On Monday, the U.S. Senate began to debate its version of Bush's supplemental war funding request. It appears that, like the House of Representatives, the Senate will give Bush $100 billion more to continue the occupation in Iraq, while calling for troops to be brought home next spring, a year from now. It is important that the Senate hear from the antiwar movement: We want this war to end now!

It is likely that the bill will be voted on TODAY, so we urge you to make your calls right now.

Tell them:
* Bring the troops home from Iraq now!
* Support Sen. Webb's amendment to prevent funds being used to attack Iran!

Call the Congressional Switchboard toll-free: 888-851-1879

Don't Believe the Hype

First PMS and now PMDD.

Nonsense either way.

Ladies, let's get something clear. Menstruation is natural. Every 28 days or so, our bodies clean themselves out. This perfectly normal occurrence does not cause us to b*tch at husbands or miss work or complain or seek medication and/or sedation.

Men created this crap to deny women equal rights and somewhere along the way women bought into the nonsense. Doesn't make it legitimate.

Don't believe me? How can we be equal to men, who are hormonally fine every day of the month, if we need pharmaceutical intervention every few weeks because of a period?

Find another excuse, chickies.

Cramps? Put down the remote, get off your slowly spreading ass, and walk around the block a few times. Exercise those bad boys right out of your body. Feel bloated and nasty? Put down the processed food and try some yogurt with flax seed. Ignore chocolate ice cream for a few days and eat granola bars instead. Ever hear of a vitamin? Food is medicine you put in your body every day. Make a good f*cking choice for a change.

Yes, eat right and exercise. This doesn't cause side effects like dry mouth, nausea, and anal fissures. Just lighter periods and a better disposition.

Or you can continue to be uncomfortable and b*tchy. Just blame yourself. Not menstruation.

Assbag.

A Beautiful Smile

Elizabeth Edwards has always been impressive. Whether we're talking about her down-to-earth attitude, resolve toward building a better country or her sympathy for others in need.

I like her. She's a good and decent person. Much like her husband.

And so she remains in our prayers as admiration for her and her family only grows. Oh, and she'll be on 60 Minutes tonight.

A Shame

Steve Stanton was an outstanding public servant. However, Largo officials decided he couldn't do as good a job without his penis.

Yesterday, they voted again to fire him.

Get On It

Today, the House of Representatives will vote on whether or not to give Bush $100 BILLION to escalate the war and continue the occupation of Iraq.

The vote could go either way, so our calls this morning will make a difference.

Call your Representative right now to ask him or her to stop funding the war and bring our troops home.

If you are not sure who represents you in Congress, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Click here and find out.

Call the Congressional Switchboard toll-free: 888-851-1879 (ask the operator to connect you to your Representative's office).

Waiting in The Springs

It's become quite obvious that the idea of returning to work Monday was a pipe dream. Still can't even stand up straight.

Which means Husband will stick around a while before returning to Colorado Springs. His co-workers are not thrilled.

Some background: Husband lives with Becky and her man out there and a few months ago, he accidentally knocked down a neighbor's mailbox. While visiting over winter break, I accidentally jammed their trash compactor.

They love us. Really.

Anyway, one of Husband's colleagues sent this email in response to our sudden change in plans:

Sunshine,

Please relay the following message to your wife, after you slip her pain
meds and muscle relaxers in her breakfast:
1) If (she) were nicer to (me)
the pain would go away, (I have) that ability as a hunter and
carnivore.
2) She needs to let go, you
have 20 children in Colorado that need your attention. She has taken enough of
your time.
3) (I) can not walk the dog
alone.
4) (I) need help destroying the
parents place; blowing up the trash compactor and taking out the neighbors mail
boxes, etc…
Thanks for your time, remember to stay strong, women can smell
fear.

I'm so glad it no longer hurts to laugh.

I Know That Dude!

A friend of a friend produced this film about an issue that shouldn't be forgotten.

Ever.

If you have fifteen minutes to spare, refresh your memory.

Things I Never Thought I'd Say

Not ever.

• "Stop calling during Oprah."
• "I hadn't heard. What's going on in the world?"
• "I can't get comfortable enough to read. Besides, these housewives from Orange County are a mess. I love how a mess they are."
• "Nothing. What are you doing?"
• "Seriously, it looks like they took someone's bottom and someone else's top and sewed them together. That's what I look like. Grotesque doesn't even begin to cover it."
• "Can't do that either. Even though the surgeon never went near my mouth."
• "I love this commercial."
• "No, I'm not wearing a bra."
• "I was a mess before and I'm a mess now. Only now, I'm also broke."
• "Don't mind me. I'm having my daily cry."
• "I think I want to learn how to cook. If Rachael Ray can do it, so can I."

That last one? Just. Plain. Scary.

Another Chance to Help Steve Stanton

Largo’s 14-year City Manager, Steve Stanton, was fired from his job on February 27th, one week after announcing that he is transgender. Steve has courageously decided to appeal his firing during a public hearing this Friday.

Commissioners will cast a final vote at the end of the evening.

Equality Florida is asking supporters to show up at Largo City Hall, Friday March 23rd at 4:00. You and your friends must attend the hearing and show city commissioners that Largo truly is a city of progress.

It Ain't Easy Being Green

At work. Make it a habit to:

• turn off the lights when you're leaving any room for 15 minutes or more and utilize natural light when you can.
• turn off your computer—and the power strip it's plugged into—when you leave for the day.
• print on both sides or use the back side of old documents for faxes, scrap paper, or drafts. Avoid color printing and print in draft mode whenever feasible.
• think before you print: could this be read or stored online instead?
• recycle everything your company collects.
• bring your own mug and dishware for those meals you eat at the office.
• take the train, bus, or subway when feasible instead of a rental car when traveling on business.
• use nontoxic cleaning products. Brighten up your cubicle with plants, which absorb indoor pollution.

For more ideas, go here.

From Friends of Mine

This Sunday (March 25th), please join Defenders of Wildlife for a special day at the Florida International Museum’s “Wolf to Woof” exhibit, followed by a special program on Florida’s endangered wildlife.

What: Defenders of Wildife Day

When: Sunday March 25, 2007 (noon to 5:00 PM)
Endangered Species Programs (2:00 PM & 3:00 PM)

Where: Florida International Museum
244 Second Avenue North
St. Petersburg, Florida 33701

Call (727) 341-7900 for more information.

Cost: Tell the Museum you are a Defenders of Wildlife member and get the group rate: $10 per adult (a $7 discount!), $5 per child

RSVP now to let them know you’re coming!

Drained

Yesterday, my boys went to a baseball game (spring training and all) so Dad took me to my first post-op appointment with a name tag: No, I'm Not Her "Sugar" Daddy.

I know. A riot. He sat in the waiting room and guessed each person's procedure until I was finally called back.

Medical Assistant Extraordinaire unwrapped my top as I mumbled, "She's alive. Alive!" Kept my eyes on the ceiling because I didn't want to see a bruised and battered boobie and cry. Then she told me to take a deep breath and count to ten while pulling what felt like ten yards of tubing from my abdomen.

Hurt. Just a bit.

Took a few sutures out and then Berger King came in for a look-see.

"Perfect!" he exclaimed.

"If you do say so yourself," I said.

Then I looked down.

Oh. The. Horror.

I looked like one of those Uganda victims from the 70s except my legs and arms weren't sewn on backwards. Sutures. Bruises. Dried blood.

But my breasts were perky. Nice and small and perky. I just stared. I could see past how disgusting they looked and actually see the floor. Perfect!

"Now eventually, you know, gravity will take hold," Dr. Berger said. "We didn't do implants so..."

"I know," I said.

Still. They're great. And my tummy is a bit numb and swollen but flat.

A few days ago, I suffered from serious buyer's remorse. Now, I felt much better. Not a hundred percent. Not ready for prime time. But better.

Berger told me how to treat the dressing and care for my bruises over the next four weeks.

"No bras, no girdles," he said.

I haven't been out without a bra since the late 1980s (eyesuphereboys) so that's gonna take some getting used to.

Cannot wait.

Candlelight Vigil in Tampa

Four years ago today, our invasion of Iraq began.

To commemorate this day, honor the sacrifice of our brave troops, and amplify our call for an end to the war, concerned citizens are gathering this evening across the country at over 1,150 Iraq war anniversary candlelight vigils.

Host: Michele M.

Location: Corner of W. Hillsborough and Webb Rd.

Time: Monday, Mar 19 2007, 7:30 PM

RSVP here.

Oh Chamberlain, Oh Chamberlain

Ever true to thee.

The article doesn't mention that they renovated the place twenty years ago. I know. Cause I was there.

This is just another example of how our district is too big and bureaucratic to be effective.

Favorite part:

"The one thing that seems to help us," said Principal Boldt, "is to keep a constant flow of water in the P-traps," the U-shaped piping underneath sinks and toilets. That water flow keeps the sewer gas sealed in the pipes and out of the air.

Wonder how much that water bill is costing us?

I Ain't Got Nothin For You Man

I've:

• watched every single movie trailer on the web. Don't kid yourselves, there are A LOT of movie trailers out there. And I've seen them all.
• googled myself. Not as much fun as it sounds.
• noticed every flaw in the house, family, and myself. Devised plans to perfect them. Wait and see.
• lost the will the live.
• gotten to the point where even I hate Rachael Ray.
• grown sick of YouTube. Any idea how many clips you have to watch to get to that point? 726.
• talked to every friend and family member at least 18 times and now no one is returning my calls. Except Becky. She's waiting to go into labor and maybe a 3 hour conversation with me about sexually frustrated teachers will do the trick. We make a great pair.

This made me laugh, though. Then I said "Ow" and cried. Enjoy.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

From me to you.

Not That I'm Complaining

Cosmetic surgery is self-inflicted pain, to a certain extent, and so I recognize that sympathy is neither deserved nor justified. However, when you're lying in bed, stinking up the place (and believe me, you do stink) there are certain things you miss.

Like:

• walking upright.
• belly laughs.
• hugs.
• a pint of Guinness on St. Patrick's Day.
• smelling fresh and clean.
• having better things to do than watch television and contemplate my cuticles.
• regularity.
• forming coherent sentences without drug-induced confusion.

It's the little things in life.

Sorry, Lately With Me It's All About Gas

Here are some tips you truck, SUV, and regular car (read: morally superior) drivers can do to make our planet a healthier place to live. From Environmental Defense:

• Take with you only what you need and be sure to place luggage inside instead of in the trunk or on the roof to minimize drag and maximize your mileage.
• Rapid acceleration and braking reduces gas mileage and can burn an extra 125 gallons of gas per year.
• In highway travel, exceeding the speed limit by a mere five mph results in an average fuel economy loss of six percent.
• Keeping your engine properly tuned can save you up to 165 gallons of gas per year.
• Carpool and use public transportation when possible.
• In summer, park in the shade. Use windshield shades to keep summer heat from baking your car and to help keep frost away in the winter.

We can all do more to cut global warming pollution from our cars.

Bare it Baby

If a teacher is effective in the classroom and advocates nothing immoral or illegal, back the f*ck off.

Uptight parents and administrators are losing us. To nonsense.

"In fact, if it gets students interested in the theater, he can juggle and dance a jig as well," said Kenneth Goodman, co-director of the University of Miami Ethics Programs.

Work With Me

As I lie here moaning for the *wrong* reasons and trying to figure out why Jeff has a problem with Rachael Ray (she's DELIGHTFUL), it'd make me feel better to stir up just a tiny bunch of sh*t.

Let's call (my) Rep. Brown-Waite and tell her we don't want an endless war. It'll be fun! We need to let her know her constituents want to support our troops by bringing them home safely this year.

Here is the number:
Congresswoman Ginny Brown-Waite
Phone: 202-225-1002

Yet Another Bush Appointee Who Sucks Ass

Sorry. In a mood. Gas pains and all.

Plus I just watched Shut Up & Sing. Those Dixie Chicks rock, don't they?

I also keep wondering, "What the hell did I do to myself?"

So let's take some of this pain, irritation, outrage and direct it toward Alberto Gonzales. Our Attorney General fired US Attorneys for political reasons and then denied it.

Demand that he step down.

And sing along with me, "I'm not ready to make nice..."

It's Up To Us

This weekend, I'll probably be sitting right here on my slowly spreading ass and trying not to sneeze.

Cause. Sneezing. F*cking. Hurts.

If you're able to walk upright and not scare anyone with the sight of you, how's this for an idea?

Hundreds of thousands of Americans will hit the streets from March 17 to 20 in honor of fallen soldiers to demand our troops come home. Candlelight vigils are an excellent way to communicate the human cost of this terrible war. Vigils are respectful and reach a larger audience than most typical demonstrations. And press photos of your vigil will speak thousands of words that won't fit in a sound bite or on a protest sign.

If you can't host one yourself, please sign up to attend one already planned near you.

Prelude to a Stitch

Here's my advice: When your doctor prescribes drugs, take them. All day Sunday I went from one extreme to another. (Keep in mind I was hungry and recovering from tequila withdrawals.)

I deserve this tummy tuck and breast reduction.

No, I don't.

Yes, I do.

No, I don't.

And so on and so on. A delight to be around.

Sunday night, I took the sleeping pill and immediately felt at ease. I believe my exact words were, "F*ck it. If Sharon Osbourne can do this, so can I."

Monday morning, I popped more pills and verbally fantasized about tuna subs with extra pickles, onion rings and Big Macs. Walked into the hospital and they said,

"You must be Berger's patient."

"Either that or I'm hung over," I said.

Everyone laughed. I'm a riot when I'm wasted.

After that, things get fuzzy. I vaguely remember my good doctor drawing on me with a Sharpie, listening to the nurses gossip about "business plans" and the epidural cramping my legs. Then my nurse said, "We're going to sedate you now."

Didn't open my eyes again until around 2:30pm. I sang some Hebrew prayer and told stories about my silly family as I made it back from La La Land. By 3pm I was smiling and making jokes about suppositories.

Don't get me wrong. This hurts like a b*tch. I've got two drains coming out of me and comparing my coif to Medusa is too kind. Wait'll the muscle relaxants kick in and then I'll really tell you what I think about you and the fact that you didn't send flowers.

I'm almost back. Pray for a healthy bowel movement and I might get through this after all.

Please Excuse Our Mess

We are undergoing construction to better serve you.

Before the Drugs Kick In...

See you on the other side, peeps.

We Shoot, We Score!

The Democratic Party of Nevada is dropping Fox as the host of its presidential debate!

The Morning After

Never believe anything I say after four shots of tequila. This includes, but is not limited to:

"I love you."

"Yes, you may feel my breasts before they're gone."

"Wow. Your breasts feel so natural!"

"Wanna hear a secret?"

"More wine, please."

"I'd like to order the oreo pie."

"Tell me more about you."

"Sure, I want to know what you think about my behavior."

"I have a confession to make."

"Okay. I'll try on your chaps."

"Be honest."

"Yeah, I've heard of you."

"This will feel good. I swear."

"I'll meet you there!"

"Your picture won't end up on my site. Promise."

All This For a Girl Who Doesn't Take Tylenol?

Some last minute thoughts and observations before my cosmetic enhancement.

-- I've been taking steroids in an effort to pump up my platelets. Works like a charm. Now over 90, they will probably climb into the hundreds by Monday morning. Added bonus: I could kick your ass.

I really could.

-- Argued again with Dr. Berger's Dream Team about having to take anti-anxiety pills before heading to the hospital.

If I didn't need meds when writing out the check...

Apparently, meds mean less anesthesia and an easier recovery after surgery. Still. I'll be wasted before the sun comes up so remember to ignore my calls.

-- When my nurse told me I could only shave the morning of surgery and not the night before, I just said, "Okay."

Doesn't make a damn bit of sense, but by that time I was worn out from pre-op instructions. Plus I had posed for the dreaded "before" pictures in a well-lit room. In other words, I had lost the will to argue or question. Intense information overload and embarrassing nakedness will do that to a person.

-- Heading out tonight for another nip/tuck party. Liquid diet begins at midnight so tequila for all my friends! If you see me stumbling around town, be kind. And ignore my calls.

-- Here is an assortment of goodies to prepare me for surgery and alleviate discomfort afterwards.


I come from good Irish stock so the focus on healthy bowel movements is nothing new.

-- Surgery is scheduled for Monday morning at 7:15am. Will be released and home Tuesday if all goes well.

-- All *will* go well. Cause I know people who know people who know Jesus. So I'll be fine. In more ways than one.

Frank Zappa Is Always Right

Favorite part of my pre-op appointment had to be when the nurse gave me this gadget

and asked me to suck.

(Insert your own favorite bong/blow job joke here.)

Seems after surgery I will be required to suck on my new favorite toy several times each hour to prevent pneumonia.

So I sucked.

And sucked.

And sucked.

Nurse was visibly impressed.

"Wow, you kept the lever up over 3500 for over 30 seconds. That's fantastic! How did you do that? Are you a former swimmer?"

"No," I said. "A former Catholic girl."

One Million Blogs for Peace

Are you a blogger? If so and you agree with this statement:

I believe in the immediate withdrawal of all foreign combat troops from the nation of Iraq. I believe in using my blog, in whole or in part, as a tool
toward this end.

...then between March 20, 2007 and March 20, 2008 (the fifth year of the Iraq War) join One Million Blogs for Peace. By signing up, a blogger is stating his or her agreement with The Pledge above. They will participate in various challenges launched by One Million Blogs for Peace.

Bloggers may take The Pledge and sign up before the launch date of 30 March 2007 and will be declared an "Inblogural" (Inaugural Blog) of the movement. Join us.

The Student Was Eventually Given Credit for the Answer...

Here's To A Successful Legislation, Sweetie

SENATE DEMOCRATS ANNOUNCE TOP PRIORITIES FOR 2007 LEGISLATIVE SESSION

March 7, 2006:

TALLAHASSEE - Senate Democratic Leader Steven A. Geller (D-Hallandale Beach) along with members of the Senate Democratic Caucus on Wednesday announced their top five priorities for the 2007 legislative session.

The top five Caucus priorities are:

• Verifiable paper trail
• FCAT/teacher incentives
• Restoration of civil rights
• Affordable health care
• Property insurance/property taxes reform

Each issue has been assigned to a lead senator.

Feel Less Guilty

Your inappropriate on-line chats can now help a worthy cause.

I mean, besides your erection.

Every time you have a conversation using Windows Live™ Messenger, Microsoft will donate a portion of its ad revenues to the participating non-profit of your choice.

Like Sierra Club or something. Log on and help out.

Look Alive!

Remember the good ole days when this guy had a pulse and rocked our world?

I do.

Where's he at?

If You're Not Outraged, You're Not Paying Attention

According to several sources within and without, our school district has decided they can't fund the 25 students to 1 teacher requirement for next year so instead it will now be 27:1!

Many teachers believe by the beginning of next year, the student/teacher ratio will be more like 30:1. This is covered up through many different techniques. Core classes are huge while others, like special ed, are small; therefore the average is where it needs to be to comply with the Classroom Size Amendment. Sorta.

Who's going to complain that this isn't keeping with the spirit of the law - you? You're too busy worrying about what I say and do.

Another way around the law is the co-teacher model. Still other schools may have 29 kids in a class, but so many are farmed out to gifted programs or speech that, as a result, the average of the day is used and no one is fined.

Are you listening?

Next year, high school teachers will work an extra period to be "proactive" but not so much because the numbers aren't all they add up to be. This has already led to unit losses for schools next year. Call your neighborhood high school and ask about educators who will be sent packing because their classes were cut.

Hello? Anyone home?

In summation, for the thick among us, we're -

• in a teacher shortage,
• too broke to hire new teachers,
• overworking and underpaying the teachers we have, and
• cutting units and letting many teachers go.

How about you *ssholes who bother me every day try directing some of that irritation and energy where it's needed to improve our schools?

Just a thought.

Stories Like This Make Me All Happy and Giddy Inside

Then I laugh so hard a little pee comes out.

h/t Danny

Sorry PT...This for Concerned Scientists...

And people who support them.

In February 2007, a report by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change concluded that global warming is happening and is due primarily to human activity.

In January 2007, Senators Bernard Sanders (I-VT) and Barbara Boxer (D-CA) introduced a Senate bill that would gradually reduce global warming emissions by 80 percent, the amount needed to have a good chance of accomplishing this goal. In March 2007, Representative Henry Waxman (D-CA) will introduce a similar bill in the House.

Please urge your congressional delegation to protect our planet for our children by co-sponsoring these critical science-based global warming bills today.

Who's Next?

In recent weeks, a series of news stories have emerged that paint a disturbing picture: the Bush Administration has systematically removed US Attorneys who were leading corruption investigations into public officials.

And it's happened in as many as eight or nine cases.

Write to your Senators and Representative to demand that Congress get to the bottom of this story and insulate US Attorneys from political interference.

Florida Residents

Yesterday, Senator Jim Webb (D-VA) introduced a bill to stop the war from escalating into Iran. His bill would prohibit President Bush from spending money for military operations in Iran without the consent of Congress.

Will you call Sens. Nelson and Martinez, and tell them to follow Webb's lead and support his bill on Iran?

Senator Bill Nelson
Phone: 202-224-5274

Senator Mel Martinez
Phone: 202-224-3041

Can't Anyone Come Up With a Better Name Than 'Hillgram'?

In honor of Women's History Month:

Hillary might make history as the first woman to occupy the White House.

Did you just spit out your coffee, dad? Continue.

Imagine the pride each of us would feel on Inauguration Day if we watched Hillary take the oath of office. Imagine the message that symbol would send to young women: there are no limits on how far they can go!

If you'd like to join the Women for Hillary leadership network, which is vital to the success of their campaign, please sign up at their website.

I Have a Great Sense of Humor. For a Vegetarian.

h/t Addison

Smells Fishy

If you are a fan of fresh West Coast wild-caught salmon, you might have noticed the tasty treat is increasingly hard to come by.

Me? Never noticed because I don't eat anything with a face. Ooops. Superior moment. Sorry.

The Klamath River's population of fall chinook salmon, also known as king salmon, has reached such dangerously low levels that last summer the commercial fishing season along 700 miles of America's west coast, including nearly all of Oregon and California, was almost completely shut down.

Please ask Congress to support a new bill to provide emergency aid to salmon fishermen, and to take immediate steps to reverse the decline of the Klamath River and other salmon rivers throughout the Pacific Northwest.

Updates

At the March 13th School Board meeting, interested teachers are being asked to try a new strategy. Introduce yourself and explain what you will be giving up next year.

Example : My name is Susie Q and I teach World History and American
History at Blank School. Next year, because of Ms. Elia's plan, I will be FORCED
to give up the Pick My Nose club. In addition I will not be able to chaperone
the events I normally attend including Homecoming, Prom, Grad Night, Talent show, etc." Next teacher stands up... "My name is blah blah blah ..." Let's
try and get one after another after another after another.

Again, I will be home stinking up the place in the name of vanity. So please carry on without me and report back. I am happy to help in any way I can!

Also, from Largo,

Steve Stanton will decide in the next day or two whether to appeal his
removal as the Largo City Manager. Steve has worked for Largo for 17 years, 14
of those as the city's manager. The Largo City Commission voted (5-2) February
27th to fire Steve just one week after he announced that he is transgendered and
will be completing gender reassignment process in the coming year.

In the week since the commission's vote, over 2,800 Equality Florida supporters
have sent emails and made phone calls to the Largo City Commission on Steve's
behalf. And today, over 350 fair-minded residents of Largo and surrounding areas
demonstrated at Largo City Hall to support Steve during an interfaith rally
organized by religious leaders from various faiths.

I Had No Idea I Needed So Much Work

My students want answers.

"Ms. Robinson," they say, "where you gonna be next week?"

"I'll be where I'm at."

This only leads to further questions. So I say,

"Surgery."

"What kind?"

"Plastic."

"What're you getting done?"

"I'll tell you on the last day of school," I say, "as long as you pass my class."

This has led to endless speculation. The kind that makes me want to drink heavily and vomit.

"Gonna do something about your nose?"

"Get a permanent tan because you are kinda pasty looking."

"Botox? For that forehead?"

"I know - a lift! Boobs or face?"

"Making your butt bigger?"

"Trying to look young again?"

"Should try permanent make-up so your eyes don't droop as much. Get rid of some freckles."

And my favorite: "You should get bigger boobs. My mom did that and all the guys in the neighborhood love her now. Including my old boyfriends."

A Nice Jewish Boy Who Doesn't Eat Meat

Unfortunately, since my husband popped a piece of chicken into his mouth the other night, I'm no longer talking about him.

Jonathan Safran Foer will share insights and discuss "The Future of Jewish Storytelling" on Tuesday, March 13, 2007 at 7:30pm at Channelside Cinemas. Tickets are only $5-$7 so call 813.264.9000 or click here for more information.

I'll be bruised and sore and smelly and therefore home in bed.

Have a good time anyway.

Sealed With a Kiss

MaryEllen Elia doesn't seem too concerned about teachers or our issues. Therefore, we should be writing, calling, and talking with certain school board members who might be up for an honest discussion about next year's schedule changes. And other attempts to save money and shortchange our children.

At the very least, let's give them plenty of reasons to look back after each failed experiment and say to Ms. Elia, "You were wrong. They were right. Fix it."

You up for it? I am, too.

Send your letters, detailing concerns as a teacher, parent or student, to:

Candy Olson
Jennifer Faliero
April Griffin
Susan L. Valdes

These are reasonable people and they want to hear from you.

A New Website for Pissed-Off Educators

...who want to do more than complain.

Although the creator should go public with his/her name as well as views, I'm glad to welcome more voices into the discussion.

Bookmark this site. And let the games begin.

Are Religious People Also Tolerant and Open-Minded?

If so, prove it.

Come out, praise the Lord, and support Steve Stanton.

Because it's the right thing to do.

I Got A Thing

Received this way-too upbeat email the other day:

Hello CHS c/o 1987!



20 years, man...20 years! It's time to reminisce about days gone by at 'ole CHS.

Plans are underway for a 20th Reunion you will not want to miss!!! Dates are set, locations selected and DJ's ready with 'Hair Band', 'New Wave' and 'Old School Rap' music! The only thing missing is you (and your information!!!!).

Please pass this e-mail on to every Chief in your address book. Then, write back to:
chsreunion1987(at)hotmail(dot)com and provide your name, address, phone number and e-mail address.

This information will be used to send out reunion invitations and reminder notices. Remember, the reunion is about connecting with old friends - no one cares about growing waist lines or thinning hair (we all have those!). Please pass this on to anyone you keep in touch with, if each of us finds 10 classmates we should be able to find most everyone!

Chamberlain High School Class of 1987
20th High School Reunion
Saturday, August 3, 2007
Sheraton Sand Key

Wow. Twenty years since I pretended to graduate.

Funny story.

April, 1987: I dropped out of school. This wasn't a formal decision. I just stopped going. No real reason and, let's be frank, what reason would suffice? I was young and stupid. That'll do.

Wait. Gets better.

Relatives came from as far away as Pennsylvania to watch me walk across the stage. I know. Awkward! So I pretended to sprain my ankle and stayed home instead. Took money and gifts and hauled ass in an attempt to find myself. Instead, for the next six months, I:

- alienated friends.
- disappointed my mother.
- bleached my hair.
- discovered many different ways to use apples.
- learned to play drums.
- registered to vote.
- actually went out on a date. Sort of.
- passed out in an ant pile. Twice.
- learned how to drive a stick shift.
- bought a Subaru Justy. On purpose.
- worked at a video store and memorized John Hughes films.

Finally went to night school and, within a month, earned my diploma. College wasn't too far behind and eventually I became a productive and successful citizen. Sort of.

Ten years ago, Becky and I went to our 10th reunion with my husband.

Showed up to the business casual event looking like Romy or Michelle. Take yer pick.

Got drunk and said awful things about Becky's old boyfriends (all 900 of them). Becky had fun even though she didn't remember a single "Remember when...?" thrown at her by old boyfriends (all 900 of them). Husband pretended not to know us which was okay because he wore suspenders. On purpose.

None of my high school friends even showed up. (Insert appropriate prison joke here.)

Therefore, Becky and I thought long and hard about making the trip back to Florida this summer for our 20th.

Hmmmm...

We would, but we don't want to.

Like I Need an Excuse to Drink Until The Room Spins

Happy Purim, b*tches.

Gay on the Brain

Ann Coulter calls John Edwards a "faggot."

This isn't the first time she's suggested a Democratic candidate is gay - I seem to remember her going after Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Hillary Clinton for the sin of homosexuality.

Annie might be covering up something deep within herself. Or not so deep. Either way, she should remember - when you point the finger at someone else there are three more pointing right back at you.

And Mitt Romney ought to be ashamed.

My Favorite Land Animals

And no, I'm not talking about Deadheads.

Idaho and Wyoming lawmakers are planning to slaughter hundreds of wolves if the plan to remove federal protections for Northern Rockies wolves goes ahead. As many as 2 out of 3 wolves in Wyoming could be targeted with unlimited killing in some areas of the state.

You can speak out to save our wolves. Write to the Fish & Wildlife Service and urge them to keep vital protections for Northern Rockies wolves!

h/t Becky

An Uplifting Event

...or I could call it: Come Kiss the Girls Goodbye. I really could.

Next weekend promises to be loads of laughs, what with liquid diets, enemas, sleeping pills, and all.

Why not get together and have a drink?

Friends and I will be gathering in North Tampa to bid the bod adieu (not-quite-ready-for-prime-time parts anyway) and hope you'll join us.

When: Saturday, March 10th
Time: 6-8pm (afterwards we will roam the town so if you have any suggestions, let me know)
Where: Email me!

To my commenters and on-line buddies, even the ones who disagree with me, I'd love to buy you a beer for sticking with me these last few years and making the conversation here so g*ddamn interesting. You brighten up my day more than you know.

Plus there's always a chance I won't wake up (fingers crossed?) and this might be your last chance to meet me or get sloshed and tell me what you really think. Something to look forward to...

See you then.

Which Exit Plan Do You Support?

You are against the war in Iraq.

Aren't all reasonable human beings?

Congress needs to know which exit plan you support. That's right. Our leaders need advice from people who wear pajamas all day while maneuvering through porn sites.

You - expert unemployed man! Should they limit funding to force redeployment? Should new troops only be sent if they meet the basic safety standards of training, rest and equipment? Put down your blow-up doll and contribute an opinion.

Speak up. They can't hear you.

For Those Who Have Borne The Battle

Recruiters bother me.

They go after our students, especially students with fewer options, and hardly ever tell the whole story about military service.

One organization dedicated to peace and justice suggests anti-war activists "hand out leaflets to high school students to make sure they know the military recruiters are not telling the truth." Recruiters are in the business of staffing wars that often end in death while those on the other side engage in saving lives.

I suppose we all show support in our own special way.

God bless our veterans. And the United States government for loving them so.

Bargainers Unite!

The Pasco DEC Garage Sale!

Saturday, March 3, 2007 - 8:00am - 3:00pm
New Lakes at Regency Park Civic Center
8330 Civic Dr., Pt. Richey, FL 34668
map

C'mon, where else you gonna find that Bob Seger 8-track and old Tupperware containers?

Over It

President Bush is out of control and Congress needs to step in immediately.

Let's rein him in.

Please sign this petition to Congress asking that they require the president seek their authorization before taking military action in Iran.

You Asked For It

Before I get started, is our Superintendent related to our Vice President?

Anyone else with me on this one? At the very least - distant cousins. Am I wrong?

Okay, you won't read this take on Tuesday's school board meeting in the Trib:

After waiting 4 1/2 hours, teachers finally spoke to the board about the 6/7 change for next year. According to one witness, who doesn't want to be named for fear of getting fired, Superintendent Elia "refused to even acknowledge the legitimacy of our concerns, did not mention the extra class other than to say by contract she can demand 300 minutes, and even went so far as to say that she expects us to continue doing what we have always done 'for the sake of the students'. Her stubborn resistance to even a dialogue with us is evidence that she will not budge on her decision.'

Elia said she'd rather this solution than hire new teachers without experience (take that - education majors studying for your degree!) or deal with teachers who come on board through the Alternative Certification Program.

Is she crazy? ACP allows non-education majors who want to change careers to get certified without going back to college. It's a wonderful way for professionals to apply their real-world experience to the classroom. (Disclosure: That's how I did it.)

Overall, I'm not surprised. Those in the know told me a while back that nothing would change next year's plan. Now those who have fought the good fight have decided to follow the contract and let the board deal with fallout next year. If angry students and parents can drag themselves away from American Idol long enough to give a sh*t. We'll see.

Never have I seen so many teachers at odds with their leader. I mentioned to one veteran that Elia has lost respect among her educators.

"Lost respect?" the woman said. "She never earned it in the first place."

Ouch.